The day I informed Parker that I was pregnant, he told me, “No you can’t be pregnant. How can a grown-up like you allow yourself to get pregnant? Sort it out like grown-ups do because we can’t have a child yet.” He made it look like I conjured the baby from the skies all alone without his input. His anger surprised me but it was my fault so I understood him. After the sex, he asked me to take a pill. I told him I was tired of taking pills. It turned into an argument. I assured him I was in my safe period because I was but sometimes our bodies lie to us and make us take things we should have taken seriously for granted. 

I pleaded with him to let me have it because I wasn’t a child. I was 27 then. He told me, “You’ll be the third woman to have a child for me. I’m tired of having children with women I’m not married to. I want us to get married in a beautiful way and later plan our life and babies together.” I knew about those children. He told me about them and the circumstances that led to their birth. The first woman’s family didn’t accept him because of tribal reasons. The second woman’s family nearly arrested him because the woman was then eighteen years old. When she gave birth, her family didn’t allow him to get closer to the kid. 

I knew these stories and I knew ours would be different. My parents liked him and knew we would end up married. Even my dad who didn’t like to see me with men liked him and called him “In-law.” I tried my best to explain things to him, I wanted him to see it my way but he insisted that I should sort it out. I told him, “I’m not going to sort it out so do your worst.” He told me, “You’re going to end up just like the other women who have my kids but I didn’t marry them. Listen to me. Let’s get married first and do beautiful things together before a child.” 

I told my mom about it. She was against ‘sorting it out’ so she encouraged me to keep the child no matter what. That gave me the strength to resist him and his pressure for me to sort it out. One morning on the phone, he told me, “If you won’t listen to me and will go ahead to have the child, then it’s over between us. If you won’t listen to me today, even if I marry you in future, you won’t listen to me.” I responded, “Fine, but remember this, if you don’t play a part in the child’s life, I’ll never consider you as the father and the child will never know you as the father.” He responded, “Do whatever pleases you. You think I care?” 

When he hung up the call, my heart started breaking. My future started falling apart right before my eyes. I wanted to be a wife but after the call, I asked myself, “Who’s going to make me his wife now? A born one woman.” I thought a lot of crazy thoughts and even decided to sort it out just like he said but sense found me so I stopped. 

A week later, I met Andy. He is the senior brother of a guy I was in SHS with. He saw me in my SHS days but later travelled abroad. I met Andy and days later he proposed to me. I laughed at him. I said, “Andy, don’t let me give you vain hopes in this thing you call love. As you see me so, I’m pregnant for another man who abandoned me because of the pregnancy. You can’t want me. You can’t love me because I’m pregnant and abandoned. I’m someone’s reject.” 

A few days later, he came back. He said he had given it some thought and had decided that it was still a good idea to be in love with me because true love usually meets obstacles like that. I told him, “Andy, this is not just an obstacle. There’s someone’s child involved. Who’ll accept a pregnant woman as a new girlfriend? No, you don’t want to do that.” He responded, “You heard me right. I want to. I’ll be going back abroad very soon. A year or two later, I’ll come back. By then you’ll have a child and I can take you home.” 

“No Andy, we are not doing this.”

“Yes, Kuukua. We are doing exactly that.” 

I thought he wanted sex. You know some men and how far they can go to get sex. When we had the opportunity and he kissed me, I kissed back. He wanted to go all the way so I allowed him. For the next few weeks that he was around, anytime we met, we did it. He was clearly enjoying himself thinking I was in love with him. I was only using him as a distraction. I was using him to heal, thinking he would go back abroad and not think of me again and I would also not think of him again. The day he was leaving, I took him to the airport, we said our final goodbyes and he left. I said to myself, “Game over, let’s face reality.” 

But the reality was that Andy really meant every word he said. He was serious about everything he said and was willing to do everything to prove what he said. He’ll send me money to go to the hospital and also send me money for my personal upkeep. Whenever he called, we talked about the child and what the future would be like for the child and us. All this while, Parker was nowhere to be found. We crossed paths every now and then but he ignored me as if I wasn’t a living thing. One day I called and insulted him for being cruel to me and the unborn child. He blocked my lines and even blocked me on social media. I pulled the curtains on his memory and moved on. 

READ ALSO: He Says He Will Only Change If I Give Him A Child

I had the child in August. Everything I needed for the child was shipped to Ghana by Andy. Even money to organize the naming ceremony was sent by Andy. A few days before the naming ceremony, Parker came home with his parents to claim the responsibility for the child and also make things right between us. It was my parents who welcomed them. His father was disappointed that I didn’t bring the issues to their notice when it happened. His mother knelt down, held my feet and begged me to forgive them. I said, “The child is his and I can’t take that right away from him so if he has come back to his senses, then that’s OK.” 

His father said, “That’s just half of the story. He has also agreed to marry you so the two of you can have a home for the child.” Before I could say a word, Parker threw himself on the ground begging me not to say no. “Kuukua, I’m a mature man now. What I did was plain silly but I’ve learned a lesson. Don’t harden your heart. Whatever you want me to do to compensate you, you just name it and I’ll do it.” I answered,  “Do just one thing for me. Disappear from here and never come back again.” The families took over. They agreed to give us some time to think through things and give them feedback. 

When they left, I made it plain to my parents that I’ll never go back to Parker. My dad brought in the gospel. My mom added backing vocals. I asked them, “So what happens to Andy and the investment he has made in me? He took over right from the point where this guy left me. Had it not been Andy, I would have worn a crown of shame. What happens to him?” My mom retorted, “Andy is not a good man. He has an agenda. Any man who’ll take a pregnant woman in can’t be trusted. You don’t even know him that much. Your man has come back, the devil you know. Tell Andy that your child’s daddy has come back and close the case on him.”

Dad agreed with my mom. They wanted a safe home for the child blah blah blah. I asked them, “If everything is for the child, then what about me? Don’t I need a safe home?  Andy has proven over and over again that he’s my safest bet. What more do I need that I will go back to the man who abandoned me because I didn’t abort his own child?” 

Now my parents are accusing me of choosing Andy because he’s abroad. My dad doesn’t talk to me. My mom has warned that if I go the way I’m going, I’ll have to marry Andy without their involvement because they won’t be part of that shame. 

Can Two People With Different Faiths Succeed In Marriage?–Beads Media

These people surprise me. Whatever Andy sent me they took their shares. My mom called Andy God sent because of the time he came into my life. My dad referred to him as a bold and considerate man for what he did. So what changed? Parker’s family are rich and royal so I suspect they have promised my parents something huge I’m not aware of. They really want their son to settle with me and they’ll pull every string to make it possible. 

Andy doesn’t know what’s going on. He calls me and he’s happy to talk to me. He’s coming home this December and I can’t wait to be reunited with our child. I hang up the phone and I cry every day after talking to him. 

He’s a great man and doesn’t deserve the kind of family I have. No matter what, I won’t turn my back on Andy but what can I do to make my parents understand? They don’t talk to me currently. They only want to hear me say I’ll marry Parker. Apart from that, they don’t want to listen to anything from me. What can I do to turn things around before Andy comes this December? I’m desperate for answers. 

–Kuukua

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