There’s something wrong with me. I don’t have a name for it but I’ve been battling with it since I was seventeen or even less. I don’t know how it started but at one of the junctions of my life, I realized that….

I’m ashamed to say this and the fact that I have

to admit it here makes me feel troubled. I’ve pushed the feeling away many times. I wrestle with it the way that guy wrestled with an angel in the Bible, the only difference is that this leaves me with no blessings.

I’m a virgin. I don’t know if it’s strange to be untouched at twenty-six but I’m twenty-six and untouched. Very green–green in body but not in thought.

Now, this is what I’m ashamed to admit. I like to see the nakedness of men. I’m intrigued anytime I see clotheless men. I’m not even talking about muscular men or well-toned men. He should be a man and I’m good to go.

Any man who proposes to me should be ready to send a photo in his birthday suit. I’ll tease you. I’ll treat you like a desire, something I can’t live without. And then I’ll drop the question; “Can you send me a photo of you? I want something crazy. Something to make me go hyper.”

Men are kind. It’s usually us who don’t ask for what they have and they will send you a picture in a birthday suit because they all have it.

Some men feel weird about my request. They’ll tell me, “You’ll see it physically so why crave for a photo?”

I pursue those men. I’ll agree to sleep with them but once they are naked, I tell them a lie to get away. I tell them I’m in my menses or I’m treating candidiasis.

I’ve placed myself in dangerous situations while playing this game. Some men wanted their pound of flesh no matter the situation. Some told me they were lions so they could eat bloody meat. It’s not always easy fighting my way out all because I desire to see them without fabrics on their skin.

How The Death Of Our Son Nearly Brought Our Marriage To An End

I don’t know the name of this problem. I’ve Googled it. I’ve asked from friends. I’ve tried finding a name for this everywhere but nothing. It’s the reason I can’t seek help because what am I going to say? Describe it? I’m too shy to do that.  If anybody can help with a name or a way to get out of this, I’ll be very happy.

—Florence

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