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He does the worse things to me and I think I need to move on without him. The only reason I keep staying with him is this…
We struggled a lot before having a child. It was four years into our marriage before I got pregnant. When finally the pregnancy came, he got transferred to another city for work.
But that didn’t change the joy of knowing I was pregnant. He came home every now and then to be with me and ensure the baby was growing just fine inside of me.
And then finally I gave birth. He came home immediately after he heard the news and spent about a week with us.
His life changed the day he was returning back to work. He had a terrible accident and lost the use of his legs through that accident.
My life changed too. Before his accident, I was a nursing mother and a wife. After the accident, I became a nursing mother, a wife, and a caregiver to a man who has lost mobility.
True love transcends all, they say so I determined to walk through the thick and thin with him. I resolved to even be a better wife than I’ve been before. He’s a man with special needs now so I had to put on special strength to be able to care for him.
Six months into the accident, his company laid him off. That was expected so we were not surprised. We only had to plan and use the compensations given to him very well.
I became four things; a mother, a wife, a caregiver, and the breadwinner of the house.
That didn’t dim my spirit. I was determined to do my best. Every day and every time. And then the cracks began…
I usually spend most times of the day at work so we hired a house-help. He started complaining about the time I come back home from work.
I work at the bank and it’s difficult to have a specific closing time. Usually, we close late and due to traffic situations, I get home very late. I could understand his complaints but we needed the money from my work to survive.
I told him; “This has been the normal time I come home from work since we got married. I can understand why you complain now. You need me around but I’m trying…” I didn’t complete my statement when he snapped; “Stop patronizing me! You know my condition and as a wife, you should work something out to be home early.” Then he concluded nasally; “Only God knows the places you go after work.”
“You suspect me of something?” I asked. “You don’t trust me?” He rolled his wheelchair off leaving my questions unanswered.
I’m trying to keep the house but he sits at home and suspects me of wrong-doings. That night I didn’t sleep. I kept thinking of what he said and was very worried.
I woke up one dawn to see him going through my phone. He didn’t realize I was awake. I kept mute and watched him go through the phone all dawn and when he was done and putting the phone down, I asked, “Are you done? Did you find what you were looking for?” He responded, “You think I don’t know you delete your messages and call logs?”
Anytime I’m on the phone he wants to know who I’m speaking to and why I’m speaking to whom I’m speaking to. Sometimes, he would hide and eavesdrop on me. That didn’t bother me a lot because there was nothing to hide.
A cousin of mine got married recently and I told him weeks before the wedding that we would be going together. He declined so I said, “Ok, I would go and represent us and whatever gift I give would be in your name.” He agreed.
When I got back from the wedding I could sense his mood wasn’t right. I didn’t want to bother him so I went inside to change my cloth. He followed me and said, “Shame on you. You feel embarrassed to be out there with me in the public. But remember I once had legs.”
“What are you saying?” I asked.
“It’s clear you didn’t want to attend the wedding with me.”
“But I told you to go with me and you declined?”
“I declined and what did you do about it? Nothing! If you really had it in heart to go with me, you would have persuaded me. You would have tried coercing me to go with you but no. Immediately I said I wasn’t going, you laughed on the inside and said: “Thank God this legless fellow isn’t going to follow me around.”
I’ve endured worse but this really got to me so I cried. “Why is he trying to find fault with everything I do?” I thought to myself. I asked him, “Are you going to be like this for the rest of our lives? You were not like this. What happened? “You changed! That’s what happened!” He responded. I walked away in tears.
For the first time that day, I started thinking about life without him. I was worn out and wanted to flee. To experience a better aura somewhere he wouldn’t be there. I’m trying my best but nothing keeps him satisfied.
He’s become controlling, jealous, and very possessive. I’m happy when I’m at work. I’m filled with fears anytime I close from work and going home. “What would he be tonight?”
People would judge me if I should leave him today. They would say I left when he needed me the most or worse still, I couldn’t stay through the worse. Not that I care about what people would say but I care about how he would survive when I’m gone. It’s been two years already and no family had come to ask how he’s faring or how we are surviving.
READ ALSO: My wife’s sister Had to Leave The House to Save Our Marriage
Recently I suggested to him to find a job. Maybe, he’s doing all these because he’s bored and feeling inadequate as a man. I told him, “Don’t you think we can find a job for you if we try? You’re very intelligent and smart. Most institutions would like to hire someone like you.”
“Someone like me? A cripple?” Who hires an employee who’s going to be a burden on them?” Or you are tired of taking care of me?”
I knew how the conversation was going to end with his last statement. I didn’t push any further. The truth is, he has given up on himself and rather trying to wear my spirit down.
I don’t know how long I’m going to put up with this. Maybe not for so long. God knows I love him and I want to keep trying for us. God knows also that there’s a point where even the strongest can break. I wish I didn’t have to break any moment from now but you know what they say, “The spirit is willing but the body—the body is weak.”
-Abebi, Nigeria.
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