I got pregnant for Arthur. It wasn’t something we sat down and thought of it deeply. We were not married so how could we have thought about something of that nature? Our relationship was two months old. We went out one night and I followed him to his house. We didn’t fight about it because we were both ready. We did it once and it was so good so we did it again in the morning. it was our first time so we wanted to make it special. The love was strong and the desire to impress each other was also very strong. After that day, he traveled and spent two weeks where he went. Within those two weeks, he was away, I started feeling unwell.

I could have a headache this morning but in the evening the headache will turn to dizziness. The next morning, the dizziness will go so stomach ache will take over. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Anytime I spoke to him, he suggested painkillers. I took a lot of them but nothing changed. A month later, I was feeling bloated. As if I was two in one skin. I couldn’t do anything. Even under air condition, I would be sweating. So I went to the hospital. The doctor asked me, “So when was the last time you did it?” I answered, “I don’t remember. But let’s say a month ago.”

I did a pregnancy test and I was pregnant.

Pregnant? What did I do? How? I called Arthur. “Arthur I’m at the hospital now. I did a test and the doctor said I’m pregnant.” He screamed, “Preg….what? How can you be pregnant? Who is responsible for that?” “Arthur, seriously? Did you just ask me that question? Are you joking with me right now?” Instead of talking about the pregnancy and the way forward, we fought about that question. I felt disrespected. He thought it was a good question looking at how the whole thing happened. I insulted him for thinking that I was cheating on him. We didn’t talk for over a week but that didn’t change the fact that I was pregnant for a man I’m not married to. 

He called one morning. He asked me, “So what are we going to do about it?” I told him, “It’s simple. You have a job and I have a job too. If we put our effort together, we can take very good care of the child. Let’s do something small. Even if t’s knocking rite. Just for our families to know that we are together.” I thought I’d spoken like an intelligent woman who was ready to make life easy for the man she’s about to marry. He asked me, “Because you’re pregnant, you want us to get married? Who said I’m ready to marry? I’m not ready. This is not the time for me to settle down so don’t start giving me that marriage vibe. Talk about something else, please.”

Again, we fought about it and went two days without talking to each other. This time I called him. I asked, “So what do you intend to do? We should have a baby while we are not married? Bring out a plan and I will follow. He said, “Let’s think about a situation where there’s no pregnancy between us. We are not ready, let’s not pretend. Let this one go so we can prepare for a better future together.” 

I didn’t give him my mind. I started thinking about the future with the baby in mind. I saw myself as a mother. People plan to become mothers. Others have motherhood thrown at them. It doesn’t change anything. Both are still mothers. I was ready but Arthur was finding all the ways and means to get me to change my mind.

I discussed it with a friend who sided with Arthur. She said, “Life is hard even when you’re alone. Raising a child when you’re not ready can make life worse. Listen to him just for your own sake.” I was confused and scared at the same time. I called my mother and told her about it. She said, “Don’t bring bastards home. That’s all I can tell you.” The pregnancy was growing. I still didn’t know what to do with it. One day I don’t want it. The next day It’s the only thing I’ve always wanted. 

I was in church one day when a guy came to sit next to me. What came to mind was, “Is this guy a stranger? Doesn’t he know that men sit at the right side of the church? Why would he choose to sit among women?” As the church progressed, it became obvious that he was sitting next to me for a reason. The reason was to talk to me. He borrowed my bible and borrowed my hymn book. When the Reverend said something and the church laughed, he asked, “What did he say?” After church, he took my number and gave me his name as Lucas. I said, “Lucas, good to meet you. I hope I see you in church next week.”

I saw him sooner than next week. He called and we talked. We arranged to meet and we did. He went straight to the point, “I’ve been watching you. Anytime I came to church, I watched you. The way you dance and the way you’re always smiling stir something in me. I want you to be my girlfriend. Please don’t say no. It will break me into pieces.” I asked, “I shouldn’t say no even if I have a boyfriend?” He said, “Well, that would break my heart. I’m only hoping you don’t have anyone so I can have you.” I told him, “Well, I’m sorry about that but I have a boyfriend.” He didn’t talk again for minutes. He looked at me and I looked at him. The rest of the night was spent in silence with patches of words here and there.

I was still battling it with Arthur. I wanted him to understand me. I wanted him to see things my way so we can do something small and have the child. My mind was made up. Nothing was going to compel me to live a life without the baby. In his last attempt to get me to understand him, he said, “I’m sorry but I have to confess this. I have a girlfriend. She’s not in Ghana. We had troubles. We were on the brink of breaking up when I proposed to you. Now, everything is good between us. We may get married in a few months’ time so giving birth won’t help any of us. Do you want to be a single mother? You’re too smart for that choice. Think about it and do the right thing.” I was so angry, if he was standing next to me, I would have hit him. I told him, “Have a nice life wherever you go but you’ll always have a child with me. “You think I’m playing?” He asked me. I answered, “Maybe you think I’m playing.”

I felt alone and lonely. It was as if the world has turned it back on me. My mother didn’t want a bastard but I was carrying one. My friends didn’t think it was a good idea to have the child but I wasn’t ready to listen to them. I had no one in my corner to give me the push and the encouragement I needed. Lucas didn’t stop calling. When I showed him where I lived, he came around as often as I would allow him. One day, he repeated his proposal and I told him, “I’m in turmoil, Lucas. I don’t have the mind to think about love. There’s no true love. There are people going around talking about love but would run away immediately situations change. Stop talking about love and let’s be real.” He went quiet for a while. Like he was disappointed in what I was saying. I told him, “Well, you don’t know this but let me tell you. I”m pregnant. My life is in jeopardy as we speak. The guy responsible for this just walked out on me. It looks like my world is turning upside down.”

He was still quiet. When he finally spoke, she said, “My dream was to come back home and find a woman. Someone I can marry as soon as possible because life is passing me by. But here I am, sitting face to face with the woman I chose. Unfortunately for me, she’s pregnant with another man. How cruel can life be?” I told him, “It’s not too late. If you want a church girl, there are many where you found me. I’m sorry to disappoint you.” 

For weeks I didn’t hear from Lucas and I didn’t hear from Arthur too. I had made up my mind that I was going to have the baby and I had decided I would go through life without bothering Arthur again. “If he sees the light and comes to me, that’s fine. If he never comes, I will do it alone and I will be good at it.”

Lucas called one afternoon. He asked how far with me and Arthur. I said, “Same old story. Nothing has changed.” He told me, “I pray he changes his mind about you. You’re a good girl. You don’t deserve this.” It was that same day he told me he was going back abroad. I asked jokingly, “You’ve found someone already?” He answered, “It looks like I have to try my luck again next time when I come back or find someone where I am.”

Arthur never claimed responsibility for our child. When I asked my mother to call him he told my mother; “I’m not sure if I’m the true father of the child. Your daughter got pregnant with someone else and is trying to push it on me. When the baby comes, I’ll do a DNA test to confirm it before I can accept responsibility. She’s doing that just for me to marry her and I won’t fall for that.” When My mom told me what he had said, I told her never to bother him again. “We can’t push him to accept what he doesn’t want to accept,” I told my mother.

I gave birth to a girl. She came at dawn so I was sleeping in the morning when my mother woke me up and gave me my phone. Someone was on the line. The first person that came to mind was Arthur. I thought my mother has called him to inform him about the child. No, it wasn’t Arthur. It was Lucas. He screamed on the phone, “Pokuaa, long time. Would you die if you say hello to me once in a while?” I told him, “Lucas, I just gave birth. I’m tired. Can we talk some other time, please?” He screamed, “Congratulations! A boy or girl? Bouncing for deflated?” I didn’t mind him. I cut the line and continued sleeping. In the evening he called; “Is it a good time to talk?” I responded, “It’s a girl and she’s bouncing.”

Weeks later, he called me; “I’ve shipped some stuff to my parents. I added a box for you. I’ll have them send it to you when it reaches Ghana.” Actually, it wasn’t a box. I received six huge boxes that day. One for toys, one for baby food, one for baby clothes, and other things meant for the mother—me. When I called to thank him he asked me, “Is there anything I forgot to add.” “You added more than I can think of. Thanks so much, Lucas.”

When we started talking again, we never stopped. He called every day. He asked of the kid and he asked of my health. One day he asked, “So how about you and Arthur? Did he change his mind?” I told him, “No he didn’t. The last time I heard from him was through my mother. He said he didn’t believe the pregnancy was for him so he’ll do a DNA test after delivery. Its’ been three months already since I gave birth. He knows about it but he hasn’t stepped here. As I told you when you were here, I’m ready to do it all alone. I’m capable. My mother is supporting me now so I’m ok” He asked again, “If he’s not coming back then why don’t you give me a chance?” 

“Lucas, you don’t mean it, do you?”

“I’m serious. I know you don’t believe in love but this once, give someone a chance to love you and see what may come out of it.”

“Lucas, you mean you don’t care that I have a baby? That I’m a born one?”

“No, it doesn’t stop me from seeing you just the way you are. Things happen. We all make mistakes.”

There was no reason to play hard to get. My situation was already hard. Why make things harder? I accepted his proposal and we hit the ground running right from that spot. I was cautious to give it all because I know men who live abroad and how they behave sometimes. I was careful I’m not left broken again so I played it safe, loving him but loving myself and my baby more. 

My baby was six months old when Arthur came around to visit. Had it not been my mother who welcomed him in, I wouldn’t have opened the door for him. I didn’t say a word to him. He spoke with only my mother. My mom asked his reason for coming and he said, “I’ve heard Pokuah has delivered I’m coming to visit. Also, she said the child is mine. I’m here to ask when she would be ready for the DNA test.” I shook my head, I looked into his face for the first time since his arrival and said, “Arthur, I was lying. Everything you suspected about my pregnancy is true. You’re not the father. I wanted to use it to trap you but you saw the trap and jumped. No need for all those things when you already know that you’re not the father.”

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He turned to my mother; “Mom, you’ve heard her, right? Today she’s changing the story. I’ve recorded everything she said on my phone. It would be the evidence when one day she accuses me of being her daughter’s father.” I screamed for him to leave my house. I told him never to come close to me or claim anywhere that I was his ex. He left that day and I never heard from him again. 

My child was one year old when Lucas’ family came to meet my family to do the knocking. A year later, we got married. Five months after marriage, he made a way for me to join him here and for the past six years, we’ve been living happily as if I’m not the girl who had her future on the floor when Arthur walked out on me. 

Three years ago Arthur was in my house asking for my contact. My mom asked him, “What do you need her contact for?” He said, “I’m now ready. I’m coming for my daughter.” My mom said she laughed. She said She asked if he had done the DNA and the result was positive. He responded, “She didn’t let me do it but I know she’s my daughter.” A year ago he was in my house with some members of his family. Their mission? They were coming to officially claim the child and do the necessary arrangements for my family to know that he had officially claimed the child. My heart was boiling. I wish I was there when they came. When I told Lucas he said, “After all these years? What kicked him for him to know that he has a child somewhere?”

He’s not part of our problem. We are too busy living the life we’ve always dreamed of. He too can live his life the way he wants but as far as I’m concerned, he has the audio evidence of me telling him that the baby isn’t his. He should live with that. That’s all he ever wanted.

—Pokuaa

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