I come from a family of six; my mum and dad, my two elder brothers, me, and my younger sister. My father was once a manager of a well-known company while my mum is a public servant. We lived comfortably as a family. Each of my parents had their own car. This made it easier for us to commute to places as a family. We would either go in Mum’s car or in Dad’s car. We didn’t struggle to have our needs met either, considering we had a two-income household.
Unfortunately, we lost all our comfort when our dad lost his job ten years ago. Since then, things have not been very easy for him. Although they live in the same state, he and mum had to live in different local government areas (LGA) due to work. Our second born lives with him while the remaining three of us live with mum.
After losing his job, Dad opened a shop for trade back home where he lives. So whenever school goes on vacation my siblings and I living with our mum would go over there to spend time with him and help with the shop. It always served as a time for us to catch our dad up on whatever part of our lives he missed out on while we are away. It helps us to bond with him.
In 2017, my mum’s car developed a fault. She would take it to the mechanic to get it fixed but another time something else would pop up. It was so bad that it would break down when we were travelling. We would have to spend long hours of our trip on the road waiting for the car to be fixed.
There was a day it developed a fault while we were driving in the rain. We had to call Dad for help. He was in our hometown and we were halfway on our way from there. Dad had no choice but to carry a mechanic in his car to meet us and fix Mum’s car. That was the day our mum started talking about changing her car.
In 2019, she got a loan from work, added it to her savings and bought herself a new car. Before she made the purchase, she discussed her plans for the money with Dad. He didn’t give his consent. He said, “The financial situation of this family does not deserve a new car. We can use that money for something profitable.” It took a great deal of effort and time for her to persuade him to finally agree.
The problem now is, that ever since Mum bought the car Dad hasn’t touched it. He has not gone near it or bothered himself with anything concerning the car. This has gone on from 2019 till now.
Due to his financial instability, he is not able to maintain his car. It makes sense then that he would try to use Mum’s whenever we had to participate in family outings. Well, he doesn’t. He would rather use his rickety old car for it to develop a fault in the middle of the road and leave us stranded by the side of the road than drive Mum’s.
This doesn’t seem like a big issue but it’s breeding contempt in our family. Our parents think we can’t see what’s going on but we are worried. Even our lastborn, who is only twelve knows something is off. I am eighteen now so I know enough about adult relationships to know when there is trouble in paradise.
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For the sake of peace, my eldest brother and I called our dad and talked to him. We told him to start using Mum’s car so we can all be a happy family again. He told us, “My car is working fine. If it’s not working and I need to use your mum’s car, why not?” We know he is just using a tactful way to tell us, no.
As a young man growing up, I understand how difficult it must be for my dad to sit back and let Mum do the heavy lifting. 75% of the home expenses are paid by her. I know this because she often talks about how choked she feels. Three of us are in the university so I understand how hard things are for her especially.
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All this financial strain and car problems are tearing their marriage apart. We don’t want that to happen. So I am always praying that God should bless my dad with a new job so it would at least fix half of their problems.
The interesting part is, they’ve become comfortable with the way things are going. They don’t even seem affected by their own problems. Sadly, it’s frustrating us the children. We wish there was something we could do to help them fix things. We can sense hatred growing in our family and we want to snuff it out before our home becomes broken. The adults here, please tell us how to fix our parents’ marriage before it’s too late.
— Mawi
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The only solution is for the car to go. Your mom and dad must agree for the car to be sold. After gaining money from the sales of the car you mom and dad must agree to invest the money in your dad’s business. With the road trips you guys will have to use public transport . In conclusion all I am saying is that the new car can break down and never work again like the old one. You can buy a new one any day but with your parent’s marriage and beautiful home can’t be replaced. Don’t forget to keep on praying.
Maameafua, sometimes your advice ehn. Your mum is a wonderful woman and if your father is not careful, he’ll lose her. She has stood by him all these years and instead of him to be grateful for her support, he’s there throwing temper tantrums because of money that he didn’t earn. So he wanted your mother to continue driving a faulty car that was constantly breaking down and eating up ridiculous amounts in mechanic fees. She even had to beg him for him to allow her spend her own money on something that she needed. It’s unfortunate that in Africa, women constantly have to make themselves smaller and bend over backwards in order to stroke a man’s ego. The truth be told, the only solution to this problem is for your father to stop acting like a child before he pushes your mum to the breaking point. After all, there’s no guarantee that the business would have been successful, what of if she had invested the loan in his business and it had failed, she would have been left without a car or the mo. If he’s serious about investing in his business, then he and your mum can sit down as adults and find a way forward, I’m sure that she wouldn’t be averse to helping him, after all whatever is good for him, is good for her too
Thanks, Reg for that input. Maameafua’s advice sometimes dier
Very good control Jay. If this home is broken, it’d be solely the fault of the dad. He’s being petty and childish. The sooner he realizes it and reset himself, the better for all of them.