I caught my husband cheating. The affair was young just as the lady involved. She was twenty-two or so. I confronted my husband about it. I didn’t take any entrenched position. I wanted him to accept his fault and apologize for his wrongdoing which he did without putting up a fight. I forgave him easily though it seared my heart to know my husband could cheat.

Five months later, I caught him again. This time with a married woman. What pained me most and also got me confused was the fact that this woman was everything my husband hated. She was fat, had three children and married. While dating, my husband swore he could never date a born one. When I gained weight after our first child, he complained until I came back to normal.

When I confronted him on this cheating episode, he apologized again but I didn’t take it. I asked that the two of us see a counsellor and talk about it before I’ll have the faith to let go. He didn’t like the idea but I insisted and even threatened divorce. Finally, we agreed to see our pastor and his wife. This couple are experienced counsellors who always brag that no marriage that passes through their hands ever ends in a divorce.

The first three sessions were amazing. We were both allowed to open up and talk about our fears. My husband didn’t talk much. I was the one doing the talking. When he was asked a question, he answered.

The sessions after the third started getting wayward and it happened just at the time the pastor’s wife stopped attending the sessions. After the fourth or so session, the pastor told me to attend the next one alone and it was that time he said things I felt were absurd.

Let me break it down;

He told me I had embarrassed my husband for bringing him before him because of cheating. “You’ve bruised his ego and he might not trust you again. You two should have been able to resolve this issue among yourselves.”

He asked me, “Does he provide?” I nodded my head. He said, “Then what again is your fear? Men are wired to want more women but as far as he provides for the home, you don’t have to be worried. he would always come home.”

This is what blew my mind. He told me, “Men will always chase what’s beautiful. Our eyes are our problem and because you women can’t always remain beautiful, men will go out. Are you sure you dress well for him and do all the things you were doing when you were dating?”

I left broken than how the cheating of my husband made me. We had three more sessions but I refused to go. When my husband asked why I told him it was not worth it. Honestly, I’ve never been to church again since that advice. It plays in my head like a broken record. I’m shocked that a man his stature would glorify cheating the way he did.

What Nobody Tells You About Cohabiting

I know men are not perfect and women are also not perfect but are we not here to try and make each other better? What’s he talking about? I’m never going to worship under the feet of such a man so I’ve left the church while finding a way to help my marriage survive. I don’t know what the next cheating episode will look like. I pray it doesn’t happen because honestly, I don’t know what will happen if it does.   

—Abigail

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