If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

I became a staunch socialite a few years ago and through that, I joined a women’s group. The group helped me to understand that I was trapped in a web with a narcissist. How did I not see it earlier? Kojo is a very charismatic man. People tend to like him naturally. My friends and family find him interesting. In the beginning stages of our marriage, I used to complain about the things he did but no one believed me. “Are you sure you are talking about this same Kojo that we all know?” They would ask. Some of them would shake their head and say, “I know Kojo. He is not the man you are describing.” It was difficult to keep trying to get people to see him the way I did so I stopped. I even started to believe I was the problem and not him.

So when I relocated with my daughter after everything I went through to afford our rent, I went along with Kojo’s belongings. You must understand that at that time I didn’t know any better. I hadn’t met my women’s group yet. A month after we settled into our new place he called, “It’s been a while since I have seen you guys. I will be passing by from Accra to come and say hello. From your place, I will proceed to the village.” I agreed that he could come for a short visit for my daughter’s sake.

When he arrived, he felt so at home that he started making calls telling his friends about his new abode. I told him, “If you want to stay here with us then you have to know that I didn’t pay all the rent. So you will have to cover the balance.” He assured me that he would take care of it. So I introduced him to the landlord and like the politician he is, he talked sweetly to the landlord and promised to pay the balance of the rent in a short while.

The landlord only visits the house once in a while, and when he does, I am the first person he comes to see. This is because he made me the caretaker of the house as soon as I moved in. Thus anytime he visits, he comes to ask me about the welfare of the house. It happened that two days after I introduced my husband to him, he came to the house for his routine visit. He asked about Kojo, so I called Kojo to come and say hello to him. After the landlord left, Kojo complained that the man harassed him because of the rent, so he packed his stuff again and left for his village.

That was the last straw for me. I started removing traces of him from our lives. The next month after he left, I got a call from my dad. Kojo had gone to tell his family that I don’t respect him anymore because he is broke. He said he wanted a divorce. So his family requested a meeting with me and my family so we could sit and resolve the problem. My dad asked me before the meeting, “What if after everything he insists that he wants the divorce?” I told him that I would accept it.

At the meeting, Kojo couldn’t pinpoint exactly what I did to disrespect him. He was beating about the bush and eventually became disrespectful. His own dad became angry. My dad insisted that he makes a point and stop wasting everyone’s time. Kojo then said that I was flirting with other men. He said, “My mother told me that she introduced a man to her when she came to visit after childbirth. Afi said the man was her future husband.” I asked him to call his mum and repeat what he just said so that she would confirm it.

When he called his mother she denied everything he said. “All I told him was that a nice young man gave us a lift. And she introduced him to me as her friend’s ex. Afi did not flirt with him.” After she said this, everything Kojo said seemed like a joke. He wouldn’t back down though. He started going on and on about all the ways he wasn’t happy in the marriage. His dad tried to reason with him but his mind was made up.

So his dad asked me, “Your husband says he wants a divorce. What do you have to say about that?” I answered, “How soon can we dissolve this marriage?” His father asked if I was sure. I said yes. He was asked to present the drinks to be used to dissolve the marriage. He didn’t have it on him so he went with his cousin to buy it. I was Kojo’s wife when I walked into that meeting, but I left the meeting as a single woman. It was agreed that he will bear responsibility for our daughter and always pay half of my rent. I was even surprised that someone who has a law degree has to be told to provide for his child’s needs.

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After everything was over, Kojo went about telling people that I refused to talk at the meeting. He was angry that I readily accepted his request for a divorce. He didn’t know that I was ready to leave him already, and that his request came as a relief to me. He refused to contribute anything toward our daughter’s upkeep. But I didn’t drag it out with him. I made a promise to give my little girl the best in life so I did whatever was necessary. I hawked pure water and drinks on the streets. Then I sold books and did whatever I could get my hands on.

There was a time two men of God promised to help me secure a job. One of them was married but the other one wasn’t. Each of them wanted to have shuperu with me before they help me. I remember telling one of them, “What you are suggesting is a sin. It will make the Holy Spirit angry.” This pastor told me that my mind is lying to me and that the Holy Spirit wouldn’t mind. Honestly, I was in such a low place that I was tempted to give in to their demands. However, I didn’t. I continued to struggle until God came through for me.

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Today, by the grace of God, I am now the proud owner of a company. I have not gotten to where I want to be yet but I strive to be better every day. I live each day knowing that my daughter is looking up to me. And I am glad to have the honour of living a life she will emulate. Thankfully, I am not a reflection of everything Kojo put me through. Now that he is gone, I have peace of mind to take good care of myself.

I look as beautiful and radiant as ever. And guess what? He has been pleading with me to take him back. One of my friends told me, “Sis, if you take that boy back I will disown you.” I told her, “I will even disown myself if such a thing happens.” I am just thankful that I did not allow a bad situation to defeat me.

–Afi

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