My mom once told me; “Don’t go for a woman with the intention to sleep with her and later dump her. The saying that hell has no fury than a woman scorned is very true. Don’t risk your life or your future for a few minutes of pleasure.” My mother’s advice coupled with some stories I have read here on Silent Beads regarding a woman’s scorn has put the fear of God in me. I decided therefore to stay off shuperu until I’m legally married to a woman I can call my own.

I met a girl I wanted a relationship with. While at the talking stage I told her, “You don’t have to worry. Our relationship will have nothing to do with shuperu. We will stay off until we are married.” She asked me, “So what will we be doing in the relationship?” Had it not been the love I had for her I would have responded, “We will be playing ampe.” That was the end of us. I dropped every intention I had toward a relationship with her and moved on.

Not long afterward, I met someone else on social media. We met in the comment section. We often commented on similar posts. Our shared interests in Facebook posts led us to Facebook messenger. Before we realized it, we were talking on WhatsApp. The chats were pleasant. The smiles were natural. The bond grew gradually. Then it dawns on me that I hadn’t checked her social media profile to know who she really was. I went there immediately and read everything there was to read on her profile. Most importantly, I watched every photo she had posted. My heart leaped while I went through every single photo on her timeline. Dark, curvy, pretty, just the way I liked my women.

I left her profile page with a fulfilled heart and a smile that lasted all day. It felt like a jackpot won without an effort. She lived in Kasoa. I lived in Adenta. The distance had nothing on me. She had a side business that brought her to Madina often so I thought, “One day I will meet her in Madina when she comes around. It’s that easy.”

I also learned quickly that she didn’t like questions, especially questions bothering on relationships. That was the only thing I found challenging about her. I liked to ask questions. When strangers meet, the only window through which they can see each other very well is the window questions provide. You ask. They answer. You learn. A question a day can open several doors to the unknown but my lady didn’t like questions so I had to learn not to ask questions. The day I tried to slip one question in about the man in her life, the answer I got was, “It’s none of your business.”

I learned through conversations with her that she gets dark thoughts from time to time where she gets the feeling of ending it all. I couldn’t ask why but as time went on I understood why she didn’t want to talk about her relationship with men. She’d been hurt a couple of times in the past. Due to past experiences, she warned me “If your purpose in my life is to hit and run, then pull the brakes because if you try I’ll it won’t end well with you. I’ll buy schnapps and eggs and cast a spell on you to stay with me forever. Or I’ll make your joystick lame. It will never work again.” We were still in the talking stage. I hadn’t made my intentions known to her yet so I couldn’t talk about my resolve to stay off shuperu until marriage. I said to myself, “Dark dear, you don’t have to worry about being hit. Here’s a guy who doesn’t know how to run so doesn’t hit.”

One day she called. Or I called? I don’t remember but I remember hearing her crying on the phone. She was choked on her words. She couldn’t speak clearly. When she pushed out the words all she said was, “Call my mum. Please call my mum quickly” and then she hung up. I tried to call her back but I couldn’t reach her. I didn’t know her mother’s number so I tried calling every number she’d ever used to call me. Luckily a woman answered one of the numbers. I introduced myself and said I was her daughter’s friend. “Ma I just spoke to your daughter and she doesn’t sound alright. She asked me to call you. Please check up on her.”

Her mother and I went back and forth trading information on our failed attempts to reach her until she finally reached her. Then I also got to reach her. She was experiencing those dark episodes and was trying to hurt herself. I was worried sick about her mental illness but all I could do was counsel her and offer her my support. From there, our phone conversations became more frequent. We planned to meet the next time she comes to Madina for business but I didn’t want our first meeting to be that ordinary. I wanted something memorable so I bought tickets to a show at the national theatre hoping we could see a play and then talk over drinks afterward. Typical of a guy trying to impress his crush. Unfortunately, my plans fell through. The date of the show clashed with her period and she said she wouldn’t be a good company at that moment so we took a rain check.

She started pulling away from me for no reason. The signs were in our chats. She was either in a hurry to end the chats or give straight and one-word answers. I felt someone else was in the picture but I didn’t have proof. We were talking on a video call and she said “I used to like you but you weren’t saying anything to me.” We had been talking for only one month. We hadn’t even met. I was only taking my time to build something that will last but it turned out that I hadn’t proposed within one month so I wasn’t moving fast enough. I told her, “I want us to build what we have on honesty. If you’ve met someone else you like, the least you can do is tell me.” She said, “There is no one. I would have told you.”

Not too long ago we were texting and I went offline for a while. I came back to the chats and realized some messages had been deleted. I got curious and asked her to resend the messages she deleted. She re-sent them and it was a wedding invitation with her name and another guy’s name on it.

My heart skipped a beat. A thousand questions run through my head. “Who is that guy?” “How long have they been together?” “He has been there all this while we’ve been talking?” I asked her, “So who is he and where is he?” She answered, “He is not someone you know.” I said, “I know I don’t know him, that’s why I’m asking you to tell me about him.”

She flared up and sent a voice note yelling at me. She said I didn’t have the right to ask her those questions. I apologized; “Sorry, I mean no harm with those questions.” Later she told me the whole thing was a prank. “The wedding invitation thing was a joke. Don’t take it seriously.” The whole thing was confusing but I tried to find humor in it. I asked her “Do you want us?” She replied with a question, “Why are you asking me this all of a sudden?” I said “Because I don’t know what to believe. This is the second time you’ve given me the impression that there’s another man in the picture. It’s confusing, especially when I am not allowed to ask questions.”

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“She screamed, “I play a lot. That invitation was meant to be a prank but you’re still hammering on it. If you are tired of talking to me and don’t want to chat with me anymore, just say it. Tell me the impression I’m giving you and why it’s confusing. Do you think I’m a call girl who goes around sleeping with any man?”

Something about what she said got me peeved so I said, “If you continue going on that tangent with me, I will be out of your life.” She retorted, “Then go. What are you waiting for? Just go. Don’t ever chat with me again.”

And then she pressed the block button on me.

What can one do to have it easy when it comes to relationships? It’s understandable when couples who live together fight. You see each other so it’s easy to offend each other. This is someone I haven’t seen or met before. Every conversation we’ve had, every dream we’ve shared, whatever we planned happened on the phone yet we fight. As I write this, I’m still blocked and I’m here asking what I did wrong. How did we move from “Do you want us?” To her accusing me of calling her a harlot?

I’m wondering if I’ve lost a potentially good relationship or I just missed a bullet.

–Ericus

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