I can relate to Dorothy’s story. Although I don’t share her busty physique, I have a slim waist, wide hips, well-shaped legs, and a beautiful face. People often described me as the girl with an hourglass figure. My awareness of my body didn’t fully develop until I entered secondary school (SHS). Prior to that, my mother was constantly telling me to cover up. She sheltered me the way a mother hen would spread her wings over her chicks.

She was mindful of my friends, the things I did, who I talked to and most importantly what I wore. I remember once in JHS, my friends and I were going to throw away trash. I was in a purple bum short. One guy met us and told me, “Look at what you’re wearing. You go about tempting men, when you’re raped you blame it on us.”

I was too stunned to talk but my friend defended me. She told him, “You are making this statement because because you have an evil mind.” We got away from him but he left a horrible mark on me. Every time I tried to wear shorts, I would think about the words he uttered and put it away.

When I got to SHS, people just couldn’t stop staring at me. The girls wish they had what I had and the boys always got a hungry look in their eyes. It was there and then that I became aware of myself. Although boys desired me, they could not approach me. I would look in the mirror and tell myself, “There must be something wrong with me. That’s the only reason boys don’t propose love to me.” I spoke to a trusted male friend about this and he told me, “It’s because boys think you are above them. You are way above their league so they cannot afford you.”

I remember while we were writing Wassce, I wore my tracksuit to go for dining. On my way, the senior house mistress called me. She was in front of her office with some female teachers. She questioned the way I dressed. “Don’t you know that there are male teachers on this campus? You shouldn’t be wearing clothes that will entice them. Go to the dormitory and change into something more appropriate.” I cried for the rest of the day. I didn’t even go for the dining again.

I felt very bad, I thought there was something wrong with me. My body felt like a burden I was forced to carry around. I convinced myself that it would get better with time but it didn’t. It only got worse after I completed school. The story remained the same when I got to the university.

Anything I wore drew attention to me, especially trousers. People turned to look at me. I don’t think anyone has looked at me once, both male and female. Just like Dorothy, I knew what men wanted from me the moment they approached me. I was having a conversation with my younger sister one day when she said, “Nana, you are a temptation to these men.”

That aside, my teacher once told me I confused him anytime I stood in class. I only stood in class because I was sleepy and didn’t want to give in to the temptation of sleep.

Although all this was happening, I was still naive when it came to men. Fortunately, I had people around me who pointed out the preying men to me. That helped me to avoid them. I don’t easily take gifts from men, because I know they won’t give them for free. Even when they insisted they didn’t want anything from me in return, I still sent them away with their gifts.

I’m twenty-eight years old now. Thankfully, I have a man who loves me for my intelligence and not just my body.

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I just want to tell Dorothy that she is not alone. I’ve been there. I know how you feel. Even now, I am sometimes not comfortable wearing trousers, especially on days I do not want to talk. I always walk with earphones in my ears, so I can pretend not to hear when people call me.

How I Met The Woman Of My Dreams

Despite all this, I have come to accept that what I have is a blessing from God. Dorothy, you need to love yourself first. Be confident in yourself. When you do this, people will get to know that you are not just a beautiful body. They will appreciate you for your intelligence too. Someone mentioned in their comment that you shouldn’t trust easily. Rather, engage people. Stretch them to know their motives first. Any man that will fall in love with you will fall in love with your beauty first. Your beauty will be a contributory factor but your intelligence will be the icing on the cake.

There’s a man out there for you, who will love you for who you are. All you need is discernment so that you do not add him to the category of men who just want to have a piece of you. And no, your body is not weapon fashioned against you. I am sending you lots of hugs.

—Nana

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