I was quite confused when I woke up early in the morning and saw those messages on my phone. It didn’t help matters that the messages were from an unknown number. So I couldn’t have even laughed and called it a prank.

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I kept asking myself, why would a man who is married come and see my parents last week? The plan was to meet his family next. So why would he introduce me to them if he already had a wife?

I have dated Thomas for months and nothing about him shows he has another woman in his life. I have been his number one, right from day one. Only to wake up that fateful morning to messages from another woman introducing herself as his wife. “We have a child together,” she said, “so if you don’t want to be a home wrecker, stay away from him.”

I didn’t know what to make of the messages or what to tell her. So I sent Thomas a message asking, “Do you know any woman called Amanda? She says she is your wife.”

I expected him to laugh and say something like, “Got you!” That way I would know it’s all a prank. However, he dashed my hopes when he said, “Hmm. I have been meaning to tell you about Amanda but the timing has never been right. If she has reached out herself then it’s good. We can talk about her now.”

The first emotion that hit me when I saw his response was dread. I felt it in the pit of my stomach. I was certain that I wouldn’t forgive myself if indeed I had been dating someone’s husband all this while.

Before I could ask further questions he said, “She is the mother of my child, that’s true. But ask her when and where we got married, because I don’t remember marrying anyone?” He went on to tell me that their relationship ended because she cheated on him. He lost interest in marrying her when found proof on her phone. That’s why he moved on and found me.

At some point, he said, “I am not even sure the child is mine.” Then he sent me a screenshot of the message he found on her phone. “Send her the screenshot and ask her if she remembers what she did.”

I didn’t want to be stuck in their middle but I wanted answers too. So I did as he asked. Amanda’s response was a series of voice notes explaining what happened.

She said she had caught Thomas cheating several times. When it happened again another time, she decided to leave him. That was when she met another man and they started talking. She got together with the man only once but ended things when she made up with Thomas. However, he went through her phone and found conversations between her and the other guy. She explained that she only did it because he was also cheating.

She ranted on and on about why Thomas would send me that screenshot in the first place. “Is he trying to disgrace me? Let me tell you, that’s his style. You are not the only person he has brought into this relationship. I have contacts of several women he is involved with. He keeps me as a wife, so no matter who he leaves me for, he always comes back to me. Now, you are the new one so he is trying to make me look bad in your eyes. If you want him, you can have him. I have nothing to say. It is Karma that will deal with him.”

Now, I don’t know who is telling the truth. Thomas paints Amanda as the unrepentant cheat while Amanda says Thomas is the chronic cheat. I don’t know who to believe. My boyfriend is the one I know and trust. Nonetheless, I am a woman so I am putting myself in Amanda’s shoes. Will I be happy if I have a baby with a man and he leaves me for another woman? No wonder she is invoking karma upon his head.

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I am worried. I don’t want to deal with anything that would mess with my peace of mind. Most importantly, I’m not cut out for baby mama drama.

However, I can’t bring myself to walk away from all this. That’s because I am not sure I want to lose Thomas because of something an ex-girlfriend is saying about him. He is a good person. I don’t mind marrying him even though he has a child. He is also ready to take the necessary steps for us to tie the knot.

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I want to know if it will be wrong of me to ignore everything Amanda has said and continue with my relationship. After all, Thomas has assured me that he is done with her.

I was enjoying a peaceful relationship until all this revelation from her shook things up. I am glad I know the truth now but I am worried about the future. What if she never lets him go? What if she keeps popping up to cause problems in our marriage?

—Christy

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