I don’t even know where to start my story from. If only I knew when everything started, I would know how to deal with it. Here is the thing, I am a twin. My twin sister and I were raised by our father and our elder siblings. Our mother left us in their care and travelled when we were barely three years old. So we grew up with a father who did his best to play the role of both parents in our lives. My sister and I had different personalities but we were very close. While my sister was calm and quiet, I was very rebellious.

I thought the only differences we shared were our personalities. But when we were teenagers, it came to light that our physical appearances were different too. Everyone who saw my sister declared, “Denise, you are very beautiful.” Men, women, and children all couldn’t shut up about her beauty. I on the other never received any compliments about being beautiful. I was more outgoing than her so I had a lot of male friends. These boys would express interest in me, and go on doing everything possible to gain my affection. However, the moment they meet my sister, they switch from wanting me to wanting her. I loved my sister very much so I never got jealous of the attention she got.

I also didn’t care when the boys switched their attention to her, because I didn’t want them. Now, when we got to secondary school, I met a guy I immediately fell in love with. I was in a relationship with this guy till I had to leave town for a while. I was having issues with my stepmother so mum came for me. I returned home after a few months to find my sister in a relationship with the same guy who declared his undying love for me. I was heartbroken, yet I was not ready to let this guy go. So my sister and I ended up dating him together. He was my first love, just as he was hers. People teased us because all three of us were all over the neighbourhood. You wouldn’t see the guy with either of us alone, no, he was always with me and Denise.

The same people who teased us, after a while reported us to our father. He did his best to chase the guy away but it didn’t work. We stuck to the guy till we both lost interest in him and moved on with our lives. After that incident, I fought with my sister several times. It was all because every man who came my way ended up wanting her. Despite all these, we were best friends, and that never changed. As we grew older, I observed that my twin attracted wealthier men than I did. All the good guys always wanted her, while I got the okay ones. It was a hard realization but I tried not to get too jealous of her.

Right after secondary school, I got pregnant for Eli, a guy I was dating then. My father threatened to disown me, but my mum stepped in and took care of me till I delivered, so I could continue my education. I must say that in all those times, my twin sister was a great source of support and encouragement to me. After a couple of years during which we lost our father, we were able to complete our tertiary education. Not surprisingly, my sister’s education was funded by an older man she was dating. This was a blessing because she contributed her share of inheritance toward my education.

We were posted to different institutions for our national service. During that period, I met a man who promised, “I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I am making you this promise that I will marry you as soon as you finish your service.” I believed this man and clutched his promise like a lifeline. My sister, on the other hand, met a man who married her immediately. I was happy for her as I waited for my turn. To my utter horror, my man left me for another woman right after service. People who knew us asked me, “Are you not jealous of your sister? She seems to have it all, while you have nothing.”

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Those people spoke out of ignorance. They didn’t know about my relationship with my sister. Although her life was better than mine, she never made me feel she was better than me. If anything, she was always there for me when I needed her. How could I be jealous of such a person? We continued to be close until when we reached our thirties. My sister had two sons while my daughter was living abroad with her paternal aunt. I felt lonely and I was concerned that I may lose the opportunity to have more children as I age. So when I got pregnant by an older man I was dating, I kept it. I gave birth to a beautiful boy.

However, I am currently having sleepless nights. This is because everything that is meant to bring me joy is slowly breaking me into pieces. My daughter who is living with her aunt seems to have forgotten that I exist. I have tried on several occasions to draw her mind back to me but to no avail. But that is the least of my problems. Ever since I got my first degree thirteen years ago, I haven’t gotten a job. I stayed on, where I did my service hoping they would employ me, but that didn’t happen. I joined NABCO, and though the program is over, I am still with the organization I was posted to. My hope is that they will employ me but I don’t see any signs of that happening.

It’s My Brother Who Helps My Husband To Cheat On Me–Beads Media 

The interesting thing about this is that I am in the same situation as my sister. We are both unemployed, and we both joined NABCO. The only difference is, her husband lives in Canada so my sister is living a comfortable life. “Although I don’t have any source of income, I am doing okay. My husband is taking good care of us,” she told me. Apart from her husband, she has two wealthy male friends who give her money every week. I keep asking God, “Why is my story different from hers? Is it not the same womb that bore us? Were you not the one who created both of us? Why would you favour her and leave me out?” I go to bed each night and wake up with my pillow wet with tears.

I remember asking our mum if something happened during our childhood that has made things this way for me, but she doesn’t have any answers. Sometimes I feel I should just end everything because my life doesn’t seem to be worth living. These days I don’t talk to my sister. She hasn’t done anything to offend me but I am beginning to feel it is her fault that my life is the way that it is. I don’t want to hate her or envy her, so I stay away. Please, is there something I can do to turn things around in my life?

–Danielle  

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