My wife’s mother lived in the US for close to seven years until she got deported. According to my wife, she was only ten years old when her mother left her to travel to the US. Her father died early so she had no memories of her dad. She went to the US, lived carelessly until she was deported back to Ghana. She had been in Ghana for the last fifteen years but still lived her life as though she was in the USA. She’s called Mama Borga, a name she never wanted to hear from anyone yet she continued to live the Borga life. The day my wife introduced me to her as someone she’s going to get married to she asked, “Little man, you see how my daughter trusts you? If you let her down, trust me, I’ma come after you.”

Her slang got me laughing. She asked, “You’re laughing at me? You think I’m joking here.” I said, “No I’m not taking it as a joke but there’s no way I’m going to let her down.” She said, “All you guys have words but I’m watching you. I have my eyes on you. She’s the only child I have so you better treat her like I would treat her.” A year later, I was in her house with my family doing the knocking. She asked my wife, “You think he’s a good guy? We should accept his drink?” My wife nodded. She said, “Now my baby is going to leave me soon.”

We got married not too long afterward and the two of us went to live in our own place. Her mother lived in Achimota while we got a place to rent at Tantra. The distance between these two places isn’t that far.

One Sunday morning, my mother-in-law called me. She asked, “Are you guys going to church today?” I said, “Yeah, we are going.” She said, “Wait for me in the house, I would like to join you two.” This woman is a Methodist so I was wondering why she wanted to attend our church that day. She came. We went to church. Before she would step into the church she said, “Give me money for the offertory, I didn’t bring any money.” I went through my wallet and gave her GHC50. She said, “Man, you are looking at God’s face and give him GHC50? Upon everything he has done for you?” I added GHc20.

After church, she asked, “Are you guys driving me home or I should call Uber?” My wife said, “Why would you pick Uber when there are a lot of trotro running around here?” She answered, “There’s no trotro in the US, remember. Your mom is beyond trotro.” She gave her money for Uber but when we got to the roadside she said, “Sorry, I think I would do trotro today.” When she was gone I asked my wife, “Or your mom needs money?” She said, “For what? She has five apartments under her care. They pay rent to her every year so what does she need money for?”

Another Saturday morning, as early as 6am she was in our house. She said, “You guys live alone. I figured you needed help so I’m here to help you wash, clean, and cook. Anything at all to make your lives better.” She came in, sat in the hall, watch movies as we cleaned and washed. She went to the fridge every now and then and picked whatever she wanted. Around 1pm, she was lying on the sofa, snoring. When she woke up, lunch was ready. She said, “You guys cooked without waking me up?” She ate to her fill, grabbed her purse around 6:30 pm, and left the house. She said, “I will come tomorrow morning to help again.” I said, “We’ll be in church tomorrow, remember?” She said, “Then same time next week.”

Some days, she will come to the house with foodstuff and say, “I figured you couldn’t go to the market over the week so I got you these. Carefully selected foodstuff. You won’t get it anywhere. It’s only GhC100. She’ll collect her money and leave.

One afternoon she called me. She said, “Afrifa, my daughter doesn’t allow you to perform your nightly duties?” I was stunned for a moment. I asked, “Why this question.” She said, “You and I are good friends and I’m only concerned for you. If she doesn’t allow you, you can talk to me so I whip her in line.” I said, “We are good.” She said, “It’s been a year already. I told you I want five grandchildren. I thought by this time you guys would have started producing them. I’m lonely. I need noise around here. Hurry up.” I was speechless on the phone. She said, “Give the phone to Adjoa let me speak sense into her head.” It turned to fireworks between them. I only sat aside and laughed. My wife was angry for the rest of the day. She told me, “I wish I could change my contact and even leave this place to a place she would never find us. What’s that?”

The next weekend she was in our house with herbal drugs in a bag. She said, “Because I like you guys so much, you’ll have this one for free. All I want from you is dedication. Boil the leaves and drink the liquid as tea. One cup three times a day. In fact, if I were you, I would use this as the water I drink so I can have quick results.” She divided the herbs into two and said, “Afrifa, here’s yours. Adjoa, you too pick this one.” I picked mine but my wife only chuckled and left the room. The funny thing is, we both used the herbs because we too wanted a child that quickly.

When my wife got pregnant. She was always on the phone with her, teaching her what to do and what not to do. When the pregnancy was barely seven months, my mother-in-law packed her things and came to live with us. She said, “I’m coming to wait for my grandchild.” When the baby came, she took charge of everything as though she was the mother of the child. At dawn when the baby cried, she would knock on our door and come for him. She’ll say, “You guys are tired, let me take it from here.” You’ll hear her footsteps around the house, singing and humming to put the baby to sleep.

She was 100% annoying and 100% sweet at the same time. She’ll sit on your nerves for a second and the next minutes she’ll be the one to make you laugh. One evening, we were watching a movie when a scene came up. She jumped off her seat and screamed, “I know this place. Estevan lived two blocks away from here. We were always hanging out around that building.” And then she sat quietly like she was thinking deeply about something.

READ ALSO: I Thought Men with the Anointing Are the Best Husbands Until I Married One

My wife asked her, “So who is Estevan?” She said, “The first white boyfriend I dated when I got to the US. He was a charmer. I loved him truly but he thought my feelings towards him were so because I wanted a green card. For two years we dated, hanging around that building every evening after work. One day, I went there and he had moved. I never heard from him again until I was deported.” You could see she was sad about the whole story. My wife said, “Hard girl like you, you made a white guy broke your heart?” She said, “He didn’t break my heart. He was an idiot for doing what he did.”

She started having health issues just around the time my wife was pregnant with our second child. She spent a lot of days at the hospital. For a long while her visits ceased. She was in her house more often than she was in ours. She would call and say how much she had missed her grandson. The following day, we would go and visit her and see her smile. Just a week before our second son was born, my in-law died.

You can imagine the pain, loss, the vacuum, and deep silence she left in our hearts. My wife cried for weeks. I was the one telling her to be strong but when she was not watching me, I would go to the corner and cry small. She was only fifty-six so how could she die just like that? Now, we talk about her with deep desires to have her back into our lives. When the new baby cried at dawn, we both remembered the days she would walk up the door and ask us to sleep while she took over. It wasn’t easy for us but then what can we do? We can only continue living our lives and hope for a better day to come.

–Afrifa

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF EDITORS OF THIS BLOG.