Years ago, I posted a video on Facebook. The video was about how people have so many digital friends but are still lonely in real life. A lot of people could relate so I had a lot of comments on that video. That night before I slept, I saw a message in my inbox. He said, “Are you lonely too?” I didn’t respond. I put my phone on silent and I slept. The next morning I woke up to his message. He said, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude. If my question felt that way, kindly forgive me.”

Actually, I didn’t feel he was intruding. I didn’t answer that question because I didn’t know what purpose it would serve. He was someone I didn’t know. I hadn’t interacted with him before so I didn’t see the need to answer him. But what he sent in the morning made me feel bad about not responding to his message. So I replied, “No, I didn’t feel that way at all. I was sleepy when I opened your message.” He wrote back, “You didn’t respond so I thought I made you angry.” We spoke for a while and he later said goodbye. 

The next time I heard from him again was on my wall. I posted something and he came to post laughing emojis under it. I responded to that one and again we exchanged few comments. I didn’t hear from him again until Christmas when he came into my inbox to wish me a merry Christmas. We talked for a while and he asked, “What would you like for Christmas?” I asked, “Are you Santa?” He laughed. He said, “Yeah, I’m asking you the way Santa would ask because I can also do what Santa can do.” I said, “It’s Christmas, we give from our hearts so give according to the dictates of your heart.”

He asked for my number. He said, “For the delivery guy.” I said, “No problem at all.” I gave it to him. He asked, “Where do you live?” Before I could answer him, he said, “Also for the delivery guy.” I answered, “I know.” I told him where I live. Several hours later, a number called me. He said, “I’ve been asked to deliver a gift to you. Please, where exactly do you live?” I was pleasantly surprised. I thought he was joking with me when he talked about being a Santa. I thought it was a smart way he used to get my number. “He actually bought me a gift?” So I directed the delivery guy to my place and he delivered. He brought me a hamper that had everything that got me excited. 

I wanted to call him and say thank you but I didn’t have his number. I went to his inbox and left a message there. I said I was grateful. I said I didn’t expect him to do that much. I said he was Godsent. I wished him a merry Christmas again. He didn’t respond to my messages until a week later. I went into his inbox every day to check if he had read my messages. One day he responded. He said, “I’m glad you liked it. It makes me really happy.”

We continued talking on messenger. I wanted to call him but I didn’t have his number and I didn’t also know how to ask for it. It took me over a month before I was able to ask for his number. He called often. I also called when he wasn’t calling. One day he proposed. I said, “I know you’re kind. That’s all I know about you. I need to know you more before I can make any emotional investment in you.” 

One day he came to Accra. He called to tell me he was in Accra and wanted to meet me. I met him in the evening after work. I asked him, “So why didn’t you tell me you would be coming to Accra? He said, “I wasn’t so sure I would get the time to see you.” That was my first time seeing him. He was very shy at first. He couldn’t look me in the face. He was soft-spoken and looked like a considerate person. When he went back the next day, I told him I’ve accepted his proposal. “I’ve seen you and I think I’m ok with the kind of person you are.

Three months later was his birthday. I decided to surprise him. I bought some gifts and packaged them nicely. It was a Friday so immediately after work, I set off to visit him in Cape coast. When I got down of the car, I called him and he answered. I asked him, “Where in Cape Coast did you say you live?” He asked, “Why this question all of a sudden?” I said, “I’m asking you because I want to come there.” He asked, “When?” I said, “Now.” He asked, “Are you serious?” I said, “Yeah, I’m in Cape Coast. I have something to give you.” 

He didn’t believe me until I sent him a photo of a signboard at the station. He asked, “Why would you do that?” I said, “It’s revenge. You came to Accra without telling me.” He said, “Wait I’m coming.”

It took him over an hour to come to my place. I expected him to be happy but he didn’t look happy. He sounded worried than happy. I asked, “Is everything alright? Have I inconvenienced you in any way?” He said, “No not at all. Did you come to see me or you came to do something and you decided to call me?” I said, “I came purposely for you but if it bothers you, I will get a car and go back to Accra.” 

He asked, “You know I live with my parents right?” I said, “You’re now telling me. I didn’t know.” He asked, “Does it bother you?” I said, “Not at all if only they won’t beat you for bringing your girlfriend home.” He laughed. I felt easy. He said, “I’m not a child. They won’t be bothered but it’s your comfort I’m talking about here.” I wasn’t thinking about comfort. The whole thing was to get to know where he lived and also meet someone in his family. Loving a man you don’t know anything about is a dangerous game. 

He took me home. He lived on the top floor of a storey building. It’s a large compound house with so many people. Everyone turned to look at me immediately I entered the compound. Going to his room was another trouble. We have to pass through their sitting hall. When we got to the hall, he introduced me to his parents. His mother looked excited. His father looked at me and said something in Fante that I didn’t understand. We went inside his room and it was clear he didn’t sleep there alone. I asked, “You share the room with someone?” He said, “Yeah, my brother but you don’t worry. He won’t sleep here tonight.”

I didn’t even bathe because I was so shy carrying water downstairs to the main bathroom before bathing. Deep in the night, we heard a knock on the door. It was persistent. He said, “That’s my brother.” He got up, open the door and I heard him telling him that he should excuse him because he has a visitor. His brother wasn’t happy about that but he later left. I asked, “Where is he going to sleep? He said, “He’ll sleep in the hall.” The two of us couldn’t sleep. I simply couldn’t shut my eyes. He kept apologizing all night. I said, “I’m cool. I’m not worried at all.”

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The next day when I got back to Accra, He called to apologize again. He said, “I didn’t know you’ll come and visit so soon. I thought I would get a job, move to Accra before I let you visit me.” I said, “It’s ok. The most important thing is that I met your family. It was nice seeing them. Don’t be sorry about that.”

This happened four years ago. I saw a good man in him and I was determined to make a relationship work between us. His first visit to Accra was for an interview but he didn’t tell me. After we met, he attended two more interviews here in Accra until he finally landed a job. When he came to Accra, he stayed with a relative here but that didn’t affect the love we had for each other. When he had saved enough money, he got his own place and started living on his own for the first time. One day he said, “I’m ready. If you are ready too, then let’s get married.” A year ago we got married. Our first anniversary was in August. 

Each day when I think of our beginning, I laugh. Sometimes I cry a little, knowing it wasn’t all rosy. But each passing day, I offer a silent prayer to the God that brought him my way. He started by sending a gift but he later became the ultimate gift—a gift who understands my fears and flaws but still looks at me and says, “I chose you so it’s you all the way.” We have forever to go. It’s long and can be bumpy but with this man on my side, and God being for us, we’ll go through it all and grey together until we meet our dying days.  

–Rebecca

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