I am married to a man of God with two children. Our journey began when we met at church in 2016. We were drawn to each other instantly. And shortly after our first encounter, we started dating. We courted for four years before we finally exchanged our marriage vows in 2020. So our marriage is two years old now. My problem is, before we got married, I suspected my husband (who was my fiancé then) of cheating on me. I didn’t have any proof that he was doing it. All the things that he did that made me suspicious could also point to his work as a pastor. Truly too, when I confronted him about my suspicions he said, “Sometimes when you call me I don’t answer because I am busy doing the work of God. And I walk away from you to receive certain phone calls because they are confidential. I can’t let you hear the problems members of my flock are confiding in me.”

I didn’t have any concrete proof that he was lying so I let it go. Fast forward to three months into our marriage when we had our first big misunderstanding. It was around midnight. I didn’t like that we were fighting so I was ready to let go of my anger and work things out with him. But before I could say anything, my husband left the house around that time. I didn’t see or hear from him again until the afternoon of the next day. When he came home too he didn’t speak to me. He just started packing his bags to leave. I had to beg him not to go and apologize for the fight, even though I wasn’t the one who started it. That day, he stayed.

Shortly after that, I started having suspicions again that he was cheating on me. He would wake up at dawn and leave the house to go and pray. I didn’t know where he went to hold these dawn prayers. No matter how many times I questioned him he wouldn’t talk. I tried to go with him one day and it resulted in a fight. He said there were certain prayers that he had to do alone. So I watched him leave the house every dawn and return right before sunrise. One day when he left the house, I heard a voice clearly say to me; “Don’t you know that your husband goes to visit a girl when he leaves the house at this time?” The voice even told me the girl’s name, Abigail. Abigail is someone my husband introduced to me as his friend before we got married. And when I joined his church after marriage, this lady became like a sister to me.

I trusted this lady so much that I didn’t believe the voice I heard. I was certain my mind was playing tricks on me. So I called my husband to set my mind at ease. However, the way his voice sounded made me feel something wasn’t right. When he returned home I got hold of his phone and read his chats with Abigail. It turned out that what the spirit told me was true. My husband wasn’t going out to pray. He was going out to spend time with his side chick. They seemed to be so close that they talked almost every day. I felt emotionally ruined when I saw their messages. I couldn’t contain myself so I texted the lady; “Abigail, why did you do this to me? I trusted you.”

The moment she got my text she called me. I didn’t want to talk to her so I declined the call. She called me several times after that but I didn’t answer any of the calls. Later in the day, my husband came to me with an explanation I didn’t ask for; “There’s nothing going on between me and Abigail. I only go there to pray for her sick sister.” I ignored him, hoping that he would know better, and stop pursuing her. However, he continued going to her house to see her, in the name of praying for her sister. The only thing he did differently was, he reduced the visits from weekly visits to monthly visits. Then he changed the password on his phone so that I wouldn’t access his messages.

A month after the incident, I found out that I was pregnant. Throughout my pregnancy, I had high blood pressure. Things became so bad that I had to undergo emergency CS. The moment the baby and I were discharged from the hospital, my husband moved out of the house. He only came to visit us for short periods of time. My mother was living with us then so I didn’t bother myself over his attitude. Because I tried to understand why he moved out but nothing made sense. On the day of the baby’s naming ceremony, both our mothers sat us down to resolve whatever was going on. When they asked him why he left the house he said, “First of all, she took my phone and read my messages, and texted a lady friend of mine. Secondly, she took off her wedding ring.”

To my shock, my mother-in-law said I was wrong. She said, “It’s not good for a married woman to go through her husband’s phone. And you shouldn’t have taken off your ring just because your husband has another woman outside the marriage.” I cried when she said that, and responded; “This marriage is not working for me anymore. I want to leave.” The woman got offended and asked me to take back my words. But I insisted that I was done with the marriage. So she got angry and walked out of the meeting. Nothing changed after that day. My husband didn’t return home, and two weeks later my mother left for her place. I had to take care of our two kids by myself.

READ MORE: A Woman Is The Best Thing That Can Happen To A Man In His Lifetime

When I couldn’t take it anymore I spoke to a pastor my husband respects, and he called my husband to talk to him. I don’t know what ensued between them but my husband came home angry. That day he broke bottles on my head while screaming; “Stop telling people my business. You are destroying my image and my reputation.” After he calmed down I reported him to my dad and they made him apologize. And they spoke to him to return home. Out of respect for my dad, he returned home, but he left again after two weeks. Things have been like that ever since that time. He would come home for a while and then leave. He came to visit us one afternoon, and I tried to make love to him but he pushed me away.

At this point, I am tired of trying to make things work. I have cried so much. And I keep forgiving him even though he is not sorry for anything he has done. I still wash his clothes and cook for him whenever he comes home. Now, I am ready to call the marriage off. I’m just sad at the turn of events. This is not how I imagined my life. I hope I am making the right decision.

—Doris

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Please email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

#SB