The first time I was summoned to Apostle’s office was when one of the brothers in the church asked me to be his beloved. I had spent almost three years single because I didn’t want to jump into any relationship until I was sure it was something leading to marriage. That’s why I always took my time to know a man who tried to get close to me. Even if they bombarded me with affection and attention but I wasn’t sure about them, I wouldn’t say yes. Most of them got impatient and left. I didn’t mind. In my experience, nothing good ever came out of rushing into relationships just because the other person was eager to be with me.

It is because of my resolution that I didn’t rush to accept the proposal of Solo, our Apostle’s spiritual son. We were all in the same church so technically Apostle was my spiritual father too. It just happened that I kept to myself most of the time and never got close to him. It was Solo who told him about me when I answered his proposal, “I will pray about it and let you know what the lord says.” He felt I needed a push to say yes. That’s where Apostle came in.

One Sunday after church, I was called to his office. He asked me, “Don’t you think Solo is a good man for you? He says he loves you.” I answered, “He seems like a good guy but I don’t know him well enough to be with him. That’s why I am taking my time to get to know him better.” Apostle told me if I was unsure about Solo’s intention for me, then I should take his word as my spiritual father. “Am I a bad father to raise a bad son? Or will I recommend a bad man to you? If you trust my judgment then give Solo a chance. I promise you won’t regret it.”

I thought about what he said and decided to break my resolution and take a chance on this brother. I was still getting to know him so I wanted to take things slow. This guy was literally love-bombing me. I had seen it all before so I took everything he said and did with a pinch of salt. All I kept saying was, “Whether he is genuine or he is just faking it, only time will tell.” It turned out this guy wasn’t leaving things to time like I was.

One Sunday after church, I got another summon from Papa. My beloved had gone to tell him that I was acting cold in the relationship. I didn’t understand. We spoke on the phone every day after work. Before that, we would text right from the moment I woke up and throughout my day. When we both got the time, we went on dates. Sometimes I spent time at his apartment. Other times he came to mine. In my books, I was acting like a girlfriend, so where from the coldness? When I explained this to him he asked, “What about your sex life? Are you two having regular sex?” Shock. Discomfort. These two emotions joined forces to hold me tongue-tied.

I didn’t expect to hear that from the founder of our church. Shouldn’t he be preaching abstinence to me? While I was trying to gather my thoughts, this man reached across his desk and grabbed my breasts while saying, “You have such luscious curves. You shouldn’t starve your man.” It was so sudden that I didn’t have time to react until it happened. I sat there frozen for a minute before self-preservation and adrenaline kicked in. I abruptly jumped out of the chair. By the time I made it to the door, he was already there.

This man is someone I am bigger and taller than so I was not afraid of what he might to do me. I was rather annoyed at his audacity to assault me. I was ready to fight him tooth and nail but we were in church so I didn’t want to make a scene. I did my best to handle the situation as tactfully as possible. I asked him to get out of the way so I could leave. But this man took my calm display of disapproval for compliance. He insisted that I hug him before he would let me out. When I refused, he tried to kiss me but I dodged it while firmly telling him, “Please I don’t like what is going on. Let me go.”

When I finally left the office, I couldn’t believe that something that bizarre happened. I felt stained somehow. I was still in shock when I got home. I couldn’t shake off the ghost of his touch on my body. I wanted to open up to Solo but this is a man he highly respects so I didn’t know how to. I also felt he wouldn’t believe me. If it hadn’t happened to me, I wouldn’t believe it. The way this man carries himself with grace and anointing on his life, you would never associate him with carnality let alone such predatory lust.

The next time he invited me to his office for a meeting, I didn’t go. Another time, he asked Solo to call me for him. That one too I gave him an excuse. Every time we had problems, my beloved would run to him to resolve them. But I only agreed to speak to him on the phone. I turned down all attempts at physical meetings.

One day my beloved asked me, “Why have you been avoiding Papa? Did something happen between you two?” I shook my head and asked, “Why? Is anything supposed to happen? Why would you ask such a thing?” He said he was hearing whispers in the church. “If something attempts to happen, you will tell me, right?” I said yes. I don’t know what he heard but he was being coded about it. That’s one reason I didn’t feel safe enough to open up to him. Another reason is that Solo holds this man in high esteem. I felt telling him the truth would mar their father-son relationship.

After we had that relationship, Apostle reached out and apologized for his behavior. He said he didn’t know what came over him. “I promise not to do such a thing again.” I was skeptical about him now but I accepted his apology. I even made excuses for him, that he must have encountered a moment of weakness.

Truly, the next time he invited me to his office for a meeting, he didn’t try anything. When Solo and I started talking about marriage counseling, I spent a lot of time alone with this man in his office and he was a gentleman throughout so I decided to let go of that incident. Why wasn’t he meeting both of us? Solo was mostly away on field outreach programs. He was mostly gone on weekends, and those were the days I could meet Apostle.

One Saturday, he asked me to meet him in his office off church premises. It was in a new building that was under construction. I found safety in the knowledge that there would be workers on site. However, when I got there the place was empty. Still, I didn’t think the worst. I entered the office and realized it was almost a bedroom. It was a fully furnished apartment. There was a desk too. That was where we sat.

In the middle of our meeting, this man popped a gum in his mouth. That was when I knew something was off. I made an excuse to close the meeting to leave but he said he wasn’t done. When persuasion failed, he applied force. I don’t know how but he managed to topple me onto the bed and lay on top of me. While I struggled to push him off, he was busy trying to forcefully kiss me. Out of anger, I yelled at him to stop. “What’s the meaning of this? Get off me before I start shouting.” It was at that point that he stopped.

When he got up he said, “That’s all I wanted to hear. You asking me to stop. When someone is doing something to you that you don’t like, you should be able to voice out your disapproval.” I looked at him and thought, “So that’s how he wants to play it. Okay.” He is already gaslighting me into thinking this was not his intention all along. Now who will believe me? I left the church after that incident.

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When my older sister realized I was no longer in church, she asked, “Have you stopped coming to church? Wait, is it because of Papa? Did he try something with you too?” That got me to sit up. “Hey, what do you mean me too? Did he do anything to you?” She admitted that he tried. He had called her to his office to discuss her relationship problems that her beloved went to report to him. And he tried to get touchy. But after that first attempt, she never went near him again. I felt naive for trusting him again after his first offense with me, but I was relieved my sister didn’t fall prey to his schemes.

I decided to share my story openly because one of the pastors who left the church shortly after I did called to commend me for leaving the church. “I admire your courage for taking such a bold step. It was a good decision.” He went on to say he had to leave because so many young and even older women in the church came to him with complaints about Papa’s abuse. He succeeded with some of them but others escaped. He said he couldn’t serve a founder who was so shamelessly indulging in his lust instead of working on it.

Six Years Later, His Ex Is Still In The Picture

Most of the regular church members don’t know what is going on. It is the ones close to him who do. Half of them have left but the other half remain by his side. They are judging us for leaving. They said, “Papa is a man of God, not God. He is just as fallible as any human so why are you people judging him and leaving the church?” When this got to me, I felt some way.

Are the people by his side saying it’s okay for the founder of our church to destroy the lives of the young women he is supposed to protect just because he is human? That we are not supposed to hold him accountable for his actions because he also has weaknesses? They are making it look like we did something wrong by walking away. That’s what I don’t understand. Is it that they have been brainwashed to choose the side of wrong even when it is hurting people, or we are the ones being harsh in our judgment?

— Arsema

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