There was only one thing that brought a fight between us ever since we started dating four years ago; her ex. Two years ago, we nearly gave up and said goodbye to each other all because of that same ex-boyfriend. According to her, they didn’t break up. It was the distance that separated them. They fell in love and dated for only two months when the guy had an opportunity to travel abroad. According to Efe, nothing happened between them. It was just a short stint but they were in love and ready to explore life until he traveled. A year after he traveled, communication dried up and since no loving relationship has ever existed without communication, they found themselves drifting apart until there was nothing left for them.
Two years ago, the guy came back to Ghana, and truth be told, she told me everything concerning the guy and herself. When the guy called her, she told me. When the guy wanted to meet her, she asked if it was a good idea for her to meet him. I said, “Why not? You guys aren’t enemies so you can meet him if you want.” I said that in the hopes that she wouldn’t want to meet him. Then a few days later, I saw photos of them on her status thanking him for making the time to meet her.
The jealousy in me kicked in and I got very angry. When I asked about it and she sought to lay all the blame on me, I got defensive and said a lot of things I shouldn’t have said. That was the point we nearly gave up on the relationship. Out of pain, she told me not to look for her again. She also said a lot of hurtful things too and even blocked me on WhatsApp and all other social media.
If you want something that much, no matter how badly it’s bruised, you go after it and mend what’s bruised so you can own it again. I went after her with all my strength. I gave the best speech and offered my apology from the deepest place of my heart. It wasn’t easy but we were able to revive what was dying so we could stay in love again. That was two years ago and since then, we had been very careful in love but had loved freely anyway.
We’ve not had any breakup threatening issues since the issue with her ex until recently I had a reason to doubt her loyalty towards the relationship. In last year December, I told her, “Why don’t we start preparing to get married next year? We’ve dated long enough now. Don’t you think it’s time we started talking about marriage?” I thought it would make her happy. I thought it would make her jump to the skies and express her excitement in a great way. But she told me silently, “I don’t think I will be ready to get married next year. It’s too soon for me.”
I asked why it’s too soon? I asked what would impede her from marrying next year and all she said was, “I don’t know but I think it’s too soon.”
Since she wasn’t giving me the reason, I started scouting for the reason myself. I checked her phone often when I got the opportunity. I thought it was her ex that was giving her a reason to hesitate about us. When I checked on her phone, their last chat was years ago when he came around. I started visiting unannounced. Whenever she said she was going somewhere, I made sure I got the details and ensure she wasn’t going anywhere to cheat. It was a full-time job but I didn’t mind doing it without expecting any salary.
I checked all there’s to check and still didn’t find anything to pin her reason not to marry anytime soon on. Somewhere in May this year, I was at her end when something told me to go through her wardrobe. I didn’t know what I was searching for but I searched anyway. I always felt she was hiding something and I needed to find that thing before the thing finds me. I went through her clothes and shoes and went through the bag that she kept her panties in. At the bottom of the bag, I found a little paper box. It was a pack of condoms. I opened it and looked into it. It had only two pieces left out of the three.
My heart skipped. My mind started racing. “We’ve never used this before so why does she have it? And what happened to the one that’s not in the box?” These were the questions I wanted to ask her but I told myself, “Relax and pursue this lead further. Maybe you’ll find something else.” I took a photo of the box and placed it back.
So, when she returned from the bath, I didn’t ask any questions. It was hard but I pretended nothing had happened. I kept my calm. I laughed when I should and hugged when the time came for hugging. A week later, I was in her place. I went to that bag again and checked on the pack to see if there had been an update. They were still two left inside. The following weekend, I checked. Still two. Another weekend I checked again and there were still two remaining in the box.
Weeks ago, I checked and one of them was gone. My heart. I started feeling dizzy there and then. Again, I took a photo of it and put it back. Just last two weeks, I looked through her bag and the whole pack was gone. I asked her, “Efe, some months ago I saw a CD pack in your panty bag. There were only two out of the three left. Some weeks ago, I checked again and one was gone. Today, the remaining one is also gone. What’s happening?” She was quick to hit the anger button. She screamed, “What were you doing in my panty bag? What were you looking for?”
I repeated the question again. She also repeated her question back to me; “What were you doing in my bag? Do you know it’s an invasion of privacy? Who gave you that permission to do that and at what time did you do that? What if I tell you that I put some money there and the money is missing. Do you know I can get you arrested because of that? I shouted, “Answer my question and stopped beating about the bush.” She said, “You want an answer? This is my answer…I don’t know what you’re talking about and I don’t owe you any explanation. I didn’t ask you to go there so whatever you found there is your own business.”
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For the first time in my life, I nearly threw my hand on a woman but I exercised restraint. I showed her the photos. I kept asking what happened to the pack. She laughed and said, “He even had the time to take photos. As I’ve told you, I have nothing to say. Do with it what you may. It’s your own cup of tea.”
To catch a girlfriend cheating is hard but the hardest thing yet is when she shows no remorse and gives no apologies. I thought I deserved these two things from her but up to now, she hadn’t said a word about it. It amazes me how she’s living her life now as though nothing had happened between us. I sent her a message threatening to walk away if she doesn’t talk. She said, “I’m not going to give you any explanation. If it means walking away, fine.”
That was when I knew I’d lost her. I stopped calling or texting and she didn’t bother to even call or check up on me. It only meant one thing; all this while, I was in the relationship alone but guess what, I won’t let this thing go like that. She wants a breakup but I won’t let her win by giving her an easy breakup. I called days ago to apologize for going through her bag. I apologized for suspecting her and I even apologized for wrongs I didn’t do. She said, “You make life hard sometimes.” She’s softening up now. She’s coming around little by little. She visited and also apologized for getting angry but she still didn’t say anything about the pack.
I’m easing myself back into the relationship. I will act like all is well and love her like I didn’t catch her cheating but when my wedding invitation is ready, she’ll be the first person to receive an invite. I hope she’ll have the courage and humility to congratulate me and also wish me well.
–Chief
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