We were in school when we first fell in love. I was one year ahead of her. Love with her was very difficult on campus. We could only be seen outside because of her Christian faith. She didn’t visit me in my hall and she didn’t allow me to visit her at her hall either. She said, “What we are doing is not right and there’s no need to advertise it for all to see. I’m a PENSA secretary. I’m not allowed to be seen hanging around with guys.”

It was like that until I completed school. She was good. She loved me. She prayed for us. I couldn’t ask for more.

The village I did my National service was not too far from campus so she came to visit me some times. It wasn’t often but it was better than nothing. Even when she came around, she insisted that we were not allowed to be intimate. One day, emotions got high. We kissed. I wanted more but she said, “That’s all you could have for now until the right things are done.” I wasn’t in a hurry. We had forever to look up to.

One afternoon, she visited the village where I was doing my National Service for Evangelism work. After, she came around to see me. She was lying on the sofa, looking at her phone’s screen and smiling to herself. I was watching her. She was so into what was happening on her phone that she didn’t even notice that I’d been watching her. I asked, “What’s keeping you so amused on your phone?” She didn’t even look at me when she answered, “Nothing!”

When I tried getting closer, she put the phone away and asked, “What?” I left her alone. She went back to chatting on her phone. She started smiling again. She won’t even talk to me.

I wanted to know what was happening on her phone. Who she was chatting and why she was wearing a smile throughout the chat. It was very annoying. I went a little bit closer and snatched the phone. She quickly jumped on me, fighting and trying to get her phone back. I didn’t know how strong that girl was until that day. I kept a finger on the phone so the screen doesn’t go off for it to get locked. I fought my way out of her grip and ran out of the room with the phone.

She was chatting with a guy she had saved the name as Eaou;

The Guy: “Are you going to come around this evening?”

My girlfriend: “If only you’ll come and pick me (Smiley)”

The Guy: “You want your crazy boyfriend to break my windscreen? Smiley”

My Girlfriend: “I told you he’s not on campus.”

The Guy: “Okay, I’ll come and pick you up if only you’ll promise me a repeat of what happened last night.”

My Girlfriend:  “If that’s what you want, why not? I can give you more than that.”

The Guy: “Wow…What else can you do? (Smiley)

My Girlfriend: “What do you want? 24 hours non-stop BJ?” (Smiley).

That’s where I stopped reading the chat. My knee started jerking ceaseless. My heart was virtually in my hand. I’ve dated this girl for close to two years and the best I’ve had was a kiss. I rushed to her in the room and she was there angry. She asked me, “I thought you were going to swallow the phone, why are you back so soon?” I asked her, “Who is he?” She didn’t talk. I asked again, “Who is he?” She was quiet.

I got up, locked the door, picked up a knife and threatened, “I swear if you don’t talk, I will stab you to death. Don’t you joke with me.” Now she was shaken. She saw the grim in my eyes and started talking; “He’s a friend I met recently. He came around every evening bearing gifts. Sometimes, he took me out around town, just sightseeing and chatting. One day, he took me to his house and it happened. I didn’t want to but he forced his way with me.”

I asked, “That was the first time. What happened then? You should have been angry and ditched the friendship so why are you still talking to him.” She answered, “He apologized but he kept coming. I can’t really explain everything. Please forgive me.”

Some things give you a shock but after a while, you’re ok and life still makes sense. The kind of shock I went through made me question my own existence and made life so blurry for me. It was hard. I cried. I loved her greatly so I decided to forgive. I saw the situation as a reason to grow and to also understand who she really was.

It took me a whole week to be able to tell her that I forgive her. She cried too and said she wasn’t going to repeat that again.

You can forgive but you can’t close your eyes. When trust is broken, you always sleep with one eye open. You watch. You guard your space until your heart is at peace, trusting what happened can’t really happen again. She visited one day and did a sleepover. At night while she was sleeping, her phone’s screen lit up. I picked it up and it was a message from Eaou. I Picked his number and gave it to a lady friend of mine to call him and play around with him till she gets his full details.

The next morning, my lady friend called to tell me the name of the guy. He was one of the respected lecturers in her department. I knew the man. He was married with two kids. The man was very fair in complexion but during the initial stages of our relationship, this girl told me fair guys put her off.

She was still seeing him. He was still taking him to places. She was still giving him a 24 hour non-stop BJ. Probably. When she woke up, I told her what I found out. She asked, “You went through my phone again?” I answered, “You said you didn’t like fair guys. I didn’t know you like them married.”

She didn’t say a word. She packed her things and left. At this point, I was the one hurting. I loved her so much I couldn’t let her go. I was hoping she would turn around. No matter how hard the situation was, I always forgave her but deep on the inside, I was hurting. I discussed the issue with a friend and she said, “You can quit with her and go through the pain once and for all or stay with her and always go through pains.”

What she said made a lot of sense but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She was the love of my life and to me, there was no one like her. Our relationship was dying. We had little trust left between us. We were always fighting about that lecturer. One morning she called me and said it was over between us.

She said, “We are beyond repairs. The only thing that’s keeping us together is your own stubbornness. You don’t know when to let go so let me help you. You’ll never trust me no matter what I do or say. And a relationship built on mistrust doesn’t have any firm foundation. It’s over. Let’s build it again with other people, maybe it would work out with them”

I begged her not to leave me. I choked on my every word as I was trying to tell her not to leave. I even apologized to her for snatching her phone from her that day and all the things I did to find out she was cheating. She left me. The pain was unbearable but like my friend said, “You can go through the pain once and for all…” So I kept my head up and bore the pain like the man that I was. It felt like forever but I was ok after two to three months.

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Looking back, I was grateful that she left me that day. My stubbornness would have held on to her until it was too late. Some times, the best resolution to a relationship problem is to walk away. You can’t change what can’t be changed. You can only try. Don’t try to be a hero. If it’s not working, have the strength to walk away. In the end, all you have is you. I let her go so I could revive my spirit to begin again, love again and trust again.

Love revival? This, to me, is the best revival I’ve ever given myself.

—Delali, Ghana

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