When Emma had a job in Kumasi and moved to settle there, our three years relationship started suffering. He wouldn’t call until I did and when I called, he mostly missed my call. I complained to him but he kept telling me everything was alright. When Emma says everything is alright, you believe him because he wasn’t someone who would lie about his feelings. He said, “Trust me, everything is ok. It’s just the new environment and the new job that’s stressing me out. You know I can’t intentionally ignore you.”
When we both lived in Accra, we never had that issue. He would call me in the morning and call me in the evening. Sometimes, he’ll call in the afternoon to ask if I was OK. He wasn’t overly expressive. You had to sense his love in the little things he did.
The best time of our lives was the weekend trip we took together on my birthday. I don’t know who advised him or which book he read, everything he did on that trip was out of normal. Carrying me on his shoulders at the beach all afternoon! Bringing dinner to the room to spoonfeed me! Massaging my body with scented oils and kissing me at every opportunity! Who taught him that? Or where did he read those tips from? I didn’t want the weekend to end but soon it was Sunday evening and we had to leave.
We’ve had a lot of good times together and I was used to that part of us that was why I started complaining when he changed. Six months after being in Kumasi, nothing changed. He kept missing my calls and kept giving me excuses. I forced my way to visit him in Kumasi. He didn’t like the idea but I guess he accepted to let me come because of how insistent I was.
I was happy to see him but as usual, he was unexpressive. Nothing showed he was happy or not happy to see me. We went out that night and had a lot to eat. All throughout the night, I was watching him. His phone’s screen will suddenly light up indicating an incoming call. He’ll turn the screen over and place the phone in his pocket. I could see the light of his screen piercing through his shirt but he pretended he didn’t see that someone was calling.
We got back home, we showered together, and went to sleep. I had a plan so I stayed up while he was asleep. I picked the phone and checked who was calling; “Jay.” But if it was Jay, then why didn’t he pick up?
When he wasn’t picking, Jay sent him a message asking what was happening that he wasn’t picking up? He answered, “My parents came to visit and I’m attending to them. Will call you later.”
I dug deeper and found out all there was. Jay was actually “Jennifer,” a lady he had found in Kumasi. According to the thread of messages between them, they met on Facebook and later realized they were both in Kumasi so they met. One thing led to another and they started dating. I said to myself, “So this is the reason why this man won’t pay attention to me?” I slapped his thighs to wake him up; “So it’s Jennifer, right? She’s the reason you treat me like a stranger?”
I thought I was the victim and had the right to be angry but this guy turned the argument to why I was checking his phone while he was asleep. “Don’t you know you’re encroaching on my privacy? You think I’m dating you so I can’t have a life?” That night if I didn’t take care, he would have thrown me outside. I told him, “Your password is my birth date. If you didn’t want me to check your phone, you would have changed your password.”
The next morning, I picked a bus and came back to Accra. I was on the bus when he sent me the breakup message; “You and I have drifted. It’s better we go our separate ways.” I didn’t respond to that until I got home. I called him and wished him well with Jennifer; “I pray she never cheats on you as you did to me.” Actually, I wished she would cheat on him and give him HIV in addition. I was so angry, hurt, and devastated. I kept sending him messages insulting him and blaming him for using me only to dump me for another woman.
Moving on is hard but it doesn’t take forever. No matter the situation we find ourselves in, we learn to pull ourselves together and forge ahead. I got closer to my friends and they helped me heal. Out of frustration and pain, I started learning beading just to take my mind off him. I used my time every day creating designs and making them. After work every day was for beading unless I had to go out with friends. Three months later, I forgot everything about him. I fell in love with Fred; I realized he wasn’t worth it so I walked away. I met Peter along the way who liked me but was scared to introduce me to his family because of my tribe. He said, “I know my parents. They won’t accept you. It will take so many years of fighting before I get them to accept you.” I told him, “Then what are we doing together?”
I left that relationship too. When Emma left me, it looked like something in me died. My heart didn’t feel the pain again when people walked out of my life. They leave and I feel nothing. No pain, no stress, no heartbreak. Nothing. My friends called it growth but I thought it was the absence of true love for these people. I forgot everything about relationships and instead focused on building a beading business. I started making some money and that gingered me to go the extra mile.
One day at a friend’s wedding, I met Emma. He kept looking my way but I did everything to avoid eye contact with him. After the wedding, he walked to where I was seated and asked, “Are you still fighting with me? Come on, it’s been three years already.” I said, “Me fighting you? I don’t even remember you. Who are you again? He laughed and I laughed. We shared a table at the reception and gossiped about people and how they were dressed. We made jokes and laughed until the reception was over. He said, “I’m back in Accra. They brought me back.” I said, “Wow that’s good news. Did you come with Jennifer? I mean Jay.”
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He burst out laughing. “You never forget, do you? It couldn’t work between us. We didn’t even last a year.” I said, “Too bad.” We continued talking after the wedding. He visited some times and I was grateful. He asked, “What about you? Who’s there?” I told him, “There’s this guy I said yes to a year ago. We are still together. He’s good.” His face fell immediately when I said that. I was very happy. He kept coming every other day, trying to take me out. I kept telling him, “David would be around. He wouldn’t like it if he sees me with you.”
He never stopped so one evening I agreed to go out with him. We ate our favorite food and drunk our favorite drink. Something about our past caught up with me so I confessed I wasn’t seeing anyone and he proposed again, “I’m also available. Why don’t we try again?” I asked, “Try?” He said, “I mean let’s pick it up from where we left it three years ago. Let’s make it right this time.”
There was no point playing hard to get. I still loved him and he had been very responsible since the day we met at the wedding. I said, “Let’s give it one more shot and see.”
We dated for one more year and got married the following year. After two years of marriage and a baby girl, I am always grateful for the heart that made me accept him again. Some things work and other things don’t work. All love stories are not the same. Some exes will kill you when you give them a second chance but there are some exes who come back and make things better. I was lucky to have that ex who made all things beautiful in the end.
