For two months he hadn’t called. I also didn’t call. Nobody had said the words but if your partner doesn’t talk to you for two months then you don’t need to be told your relationship is over. He lives in Volta Region while I live in Accra. So I had to travel all the way there to collect all the stuff at his place.

I didn’t call him before going. Maybe because of the way things ended between us. What happened? Umm… he had a habit of cheating. We fought about it often but eventually, we found a way to resolve it. We came up with a system that would rebuild the trust I lost in him. We were making things work until I visited him one day as I always did.

Upon my return home, I noticed that I had gotten an infection. When I told him about it he said, “Get it treated.” I didn’t like how casually he said it. As if it didn’t concern him. To clearly send my point across I told him, “If you are going to do things with other people, you should at least use protection.” He got pissed and hung up on me. That was it.

He didn’t call back and I also didn’t call. The next time we spoke was when I arrived at his place to collect my stuff. He was surprised to see me. He couldn’t even speak. I was the one who asked him for his room key. He gave it to me and I went into the house to find his sister there.

She was so excited to see me. We are that cool. She asked me to sleep over and leave the next day. At first, I said no but she was persuasive. I gave in in the end.

By the time he returned home from work that evening, I was with his sister. He asked that we talk and I listened. He apologized for his actions. He said I also had a part to play. He didn’t like the way I spoke to him. Anyway, I was missing him because I still loved him. Thus, I decided to let go of the past and give him another chance.

A few weeks after that night I found myself in the hospital. Tests were run and it was determined that I was pregnant. We had forgotten about protection in our moment of passion. I also forgot to take the morning-after pill. It wasn’t planned but here comes baby.

When I broke the news to him he suggested I keep it. I also agreed. The first trimester wasn’t easy for me at all. It took a toll on my health. When I couldn’t handle living alone anymore, I quit my job and went to my mum’s place.

Traditionally, we were supposed to be married before having the baby. So in the absence of marriage, some rites had to be performed to officially introduce him to the family, and then he would claim the pregnancy.

After we got all the rites out of the way, I moved from my mum’s place and went to live with my boyfriend. I expected us to walk the pregnancy journey together. I wanted him to be involved in every process and give me the emotional support I need. Sadly, expectations rarely have any effect on reality.

All this guy cares about are his work and his friends. If he is not busy working then he is going out with his friends. He makes time for these friends but when it comes to me he doesn’t have time. I have become his sister’s responsibility. She is the one providing my needs and giving me the support I need to go through this journey.

He gets offended whenever I ask him to help with something or go to the hospital with me. Even when the midwives ask that I bring him along, he refuses to show up because he doesn’t have time.

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A few months ago, I asked him to attend antenatal clinic with me on a Thursday. He refused to go. His excuse was, “I have to attend my friend’s mother’s funeral this weekend.” It was true. The funeral was from Friday to Sunday. He was there throughout. It didn’t matter to him that the funeral was in the same town as the antenatal clinic. He chose the funeral and that was it.

Now he’s forcing me to go and give birth at my mum’s place. I don’t want to go there because I would have to share a room with my sister and her kids. Some of the tenants in the house are also noisy teenagers. Besides, everyone shares the same washroom. It’s not an environment I want to live in with a newborn. His place is more spacious and comfortable for me to live with the baby but he won’t see reason.

This One Relationship Rule Has Save Me A Lot Of Trouble

My alternative is to return to my place at Accra but he is against it. He insists I go to my mum’s. That’s another thing about him. He wants to dictate things for me to follow. If I try to share my thoughts and it doesn’t align with his, he doesn’t listen.

I am six weeks to my due date but we still haven’t agreed on where I should live to have the baby. I am not willing to go to my mum’s place. He also doesn’t want me to live with him. So I have decided to just go to my place even though I would be going against him. Based on everything I have seen so far, will it be a bad thing not to let him make any decisions for me?

— Darlene

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