I would call him and he wouldn’t pick up. He wouldn’t return my calls either. I would call him continuously for one month, and he would not answer even once. Then he would crawl back into my life weeks later with faux apologies and broken promises. He would also buy me gifts and take me to fancy restaurants to eat. I wish I could say that I was strong enough to hold my own against him, but I was not.

Each time he came I told myself, “He said he will change, but change doesn’t happen overnight. Besides, I have already given him a few chances. So what’s one more? If he blows up this last chance, I won’t take him back.” Sadly, I had repeated that anthem every time he messed up and came back to apologize. And it was a lot of times.

One day, I sat down and asked myself, “Why do I like him?” I thought about it and accepted it in my heart that I liked him because he was good-looking. He was also rich. He dressed well and smelled good. When he visited me, his cologne would linger in my house for three days. While all these things were great, they do not a relationship make.

There was no ounce of compassion in the relationship. Hence, the toxic cycle we found ourselves in. I started thinking there and then that I deserved better. I knew he was not going to change so I had to cut him off to get the love I wanted.

I tried to move on but this guy wouldn’t let me leave. The moment he realized that I stopped calling him, he would come around and start acting as if he could not breathe without me. This always messed with my head. So while I kept telling myself that I was done with him, I kept giving him access to me.

One day I was running some errands when I met Gino. I liked him immediately. And as time went on our connection grew. However, my heart still longed for my ex-boyfriend. I wasn’t happy about this. Why was I still in love with a guy who ghosted me repeatedly, when I had an amazing man who was consistent with what he wanted, me?

It didn’t help matters when my ex showed up and tried to get me back. He used all his magic tricks. I am not going to lie, it got to my head a little. Nonetheless, I was determined to break out of our toxic pattern. I also knew that I would be making the biggest mistake of my life if I let a man as wonderful as Gino go.

It was in December of that year when I closed chapters on my ex for good. You should see how pitiful he behaved. He swore before the heavens and the earth that I was the only one he wanted. Anyway, he got married in January of the next year.

When I heard the news of his marriage I laughed. Then I sang praises and thanked my God. If I hadn’t stood firm in my decision to choose Gino, this ex of mine would have just messed up my life. How do you beg someone to take you back only to marry another person within a month? What was his plan? Would he have had shuperu with me one last time before he took his marriage vows? Or he would have strung me along even after he got married?

Whatever he was planning for me, I thank God for bringing Gino my way. If I didn’t have him, I wouldn’t have been strong enough to stand against my ex on my own.

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As I share this story, Gino and I are happily married. I am not exaggerating when I say he is the best man for me. He takes good care of me. Everything I ask, he does for me. I don’t think it’s humanly possible to love someone the way I love him. He made everything make sense.

I’ve Thought About How To Blame God

I love that he is the kind of man who spends time at home with me and our baby. If he is not at work or church, then he is home. He helps me around the house too. Sometimes I laugh at myself when I remember my past. How did I ever think that someone who was inconsistent with me loved me?

Now that I have had a taste of a healthy relationship, I know that love indeed does not hurt.

And I always thank God that he didn’t allow me to choose my ex over Gino. I would have missed out on meeting the love of my life. I just want to share this story to tell people in toxic relationships that there is better out there. You just have to take the brave step to go and find it.

—Amiyo

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