I met Kelly in February 2017. He told me he knew me very well and that he attends my church. We then had a little chat and he asked for my number. I was happy to have met him. He was a handsome, thick, and tall guy. He called me the day after we met and we had a long conversation. We had a good vibe so we kept talking every day after that day. As time passed, he came to see me one evening after work and proposed love to me. I had grown fond of him so I said yes immediately. I was twenty-one, and he was thirty-one when we started dating.

After a few weeks, he asked me to introduce him to my mother. That request made me think I had met a responsible and caring guy. He even tried to come to church every Sunday because of me. After church, we would go get Waakye to eat and then go for a drive before he dropped me off at home. Then later in the evening, he would come to check up on me. This routine continued every Sunday. Two months into the relationship, we had our first shuperu. A few weeks after that, he stopped calling me like he used to. I was the only one doing the calling. Anytime I complained he told me, “You know the nature of my job.” He was an auditor for a bank, and also worked as a car dealer. I understood he was busy and I gave him space, but I also wondered how he made time for me when the relationship started.

Another thing I noticed was the amount of time he spent talking to girls on the phone. At first, I didn’t want to complain but when it became too much, I complained. This guy told me, “Oh, those girls are my cousins.” I wanted to believe him but there was a particular one he spoke to the most. Her name is Ama. Kelly insisted Ama was also his cousin. So I stole her number from his phone to call her. All the while this was going on, I had quit my job, because my boss hadn’t paid me for four months. So I was searching for a new job, and Kelly was helping me. After searching for some time he told me, “I think you should go back to school. Make inquiries about some universities and I will help you pay the fees.” I found a school I wanted to attend but my grade in core maths didn’t qualify for school. When I told him this he got me a maths teacher and paid him to tutor me.

He did all this but I realized that he only called me whenever he needed me to run an errand for him, or when he was horny. I knew this but I was blinded by love so I always made myself available to him. In June 2018 an accident happened to me. I got a burn on my right hand so I was taken to the hospital. Upon reaching the hospital, my sister called Kelly to tell him what had happened, and he assured us that he would be there. My sister also called her boyfriend, and within 30 minutes her boyfriend came around to see me and even helped to pay my bills. I was in tears when I saw my sister’s boyfriend because my boyfriend who claimed he loved and cared about me could not be bothered to show up for me. I stayed in the hospital for two days and Kelly never called to ask of me till I was discharged.

I called him when I got home and he gave me flimsy excuses. I was sad but I told him it was fine. Later, he apologized and started acting right. But after a month, he went back to ignoring me. When I asked him if he was no more interested in the relationship he said, “I wouldn’t have come to see your mum if I didn’t love you. Just be patient, I am working for our future.” One day I got tired of his behaviour and called Ama, his cousin. After I introduced myself to her she asked that we meet and talk. I picked a place and she came around. That day I told her about everything Kelly was putting me through and asked if she could speak some sense into him. That was when Ama told me Kelly was her boyfriend and not her cousin.

We planned there and then, to get him to meet both of us in the same place so he would know that we found him out. Later that day he said he was coming to see me around 7:00 PM so I told Ama about it. I was sitting in his car when Ama came to knock on the windshield. I asked him, “Do you know her?” Ama also asked him, “What are you doing here?” This guy got angry all of a sudden and asked me to get down so he could leave with Ama. That was when I realized that he wasn’t into me. I thought such things only happened in movies until they happened to me. I was heartbroken so I just went home. Ama also took a taxi and left for her house.

I cried for a month. It got to a point where I felt like ending my life. My mum and my sister were the ones who talked to me and encouraged me to be strong. After two months, I tried to forget about him and start my life over. Just then, he came back into my life. He apologized for all the wrong he did and promised to do better. As naive as I was, I went back into his arms. When we started dating again, everything wasn’t going on so well with us but it was better than it was in the past so I took it in good faith. Until one day when I called him repeatedly but his phone was off. The next day too it was the same. So I got worried and called his younger sister. She told me to call him on WhatsApp. When I called him on WhatsApp, he quickly answered and told me he was in the USA. I asked why he didn’t tell me he was travelling and he said, “It was impromptu.” I then told him, “Traveling to the USA is not like travelling from Accra to Kumasi. It can never be impromptu.” He got angry when I said that and hung up on me. I was so sad that I burst into tears.

In July 2019 he called me one early morning and we had a long conversation. He told me; “You’ve passed your maths exam so make inquiries about schools and let me help you with the fees.” I did just what he said and I told him about the cost of the forms, the School fees for the year and also when lectures would start. He assured me he would send me money for the forms so I should give him some time.

By August he hadn’t sent the money so I took money from my dad and bought the forms. When I gained admission, I was so excited. Kelly was the first person I called. The moment I shared the news with him he got angry. He said he didn’t send me money to buy any forms because wasn’t ready to pay my fees that year.

I was disappointed because I didn’t have any backup. All the jobs I had gotten, Kelly told me they weren’t fit for his girlfriend so I never took them. Which means I had no money. Things were also very difficult for my dad so I knew he wouldn’t be able to afford my fees. So at that point, he was my only hope of going to school that year. However, my dad called me one evening and asked about my admission letter. I told him it was in, and he promised to pay for my first semester’s fees. As if Kelly hadn’t done enough, he called to accuse me of being a gold digger. He said I was only interested in his money. I was hurt because the entire time we were together, he gave me only GHC50 on a few occasions. This guy knew I was unemployed yet he never asked how I got by. He would rather dictate the kind of hairstyle I should wear even though he never contributed a pesewa toward paying for my hair. Even when he travelled to the USA, he sent me only GHC150, but I accepted it with gratitude. So I was surprised that he said I was only after his money.

That was the day I realized I had wasted two and a half years of my life with him. So I stopped calling him and he also never called. When school began I made new friends and occupied myself with extracurricular activities so I wouldn’t miss him too much. I told myself I wouldn’t start a new relationship anytime soon, but before October ended, I met Samuel. He is my uncle’s friend. I had gone to my Uncle’s church for the Christening of my newborn cousin. Samuel approached me when I was with my family and asked if he could be my friend. I got scared initially, but I remembered how my mum and sister talked to me to open my heart. And I gave my number to Samuel.

Early morning the next day, Samuel called me and we had a long conversation. With him too, there’s a ten-year age gap between us. After a few days, he expressed interest in me. But I told him I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship so we could only be friends. He understood me and gave me some time to reconsider my decision. Two weeks after consistently talking to him, I agreed to be his girlfriend. He told me about his past relationships, and I also told him about my past with Kelly. We consoled each other and strived to be better partners. During a long conversation one day, he told me he would be travelling before the year ends.

READ MORE: There Was Always Someone New Between Us

I was concerned but he took me to meet his family, and also came to meet mine before he left Ghana in November 2019. In January 2020 I got a job that allowed me to attend lectures still. Samuel was very supportive when I told him about it. He was also kind enough to send me money for upkeep and even cover my school fees. Although my job earns me enough money to pay my fees, Samuel insists on taking care of me. He constantly tells me he is proud of the woman I’m becoming. Truly, I have grown to become a very good-looking woman, and guys are all over me, but I don’t care about their attention. I am in a healthy relationship and that’s all that matters. I didn’t know having a loving partner could make my life better until now.

Samuel’s Mum calls me sometimes to check up on me. She also tells me how much she loves me. All his Siblings and other family members are always happy when they meet me. Samuel has assured me that no matter how far apart we are, nothing in the world can weaken his love for me. And I must say, despite being a thousand miles apart for over two years now, he is always excited about me. I’m also always excited about him. Kelly sometimes calls or sends me messages to ask if I have found another guy but I don’t give him any answers. I am just glad that his chapter in my life is closed. If I was still in that toxic relationship with him, I wouldn’t have been enjoying the peace and happiness Samuel has brought into my life.

— Akosua

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