Sometimes A Second Chance Is All You Need To Fix Things

While I paid little attention to him, he had fallen so deeply in love with me. That’s what he told me. It didn’t matter to me anyway. All I wanted was to use him to satisfy my sexual desires. The only problem was that I am insatiable. I could have the most fulfilling sex of my life today, and wake up tomorrow burning with need, as though I had never been touched by a man in my entire life. So I rarely saw men as people to be loved. As long as I was concerned, they were just objects I could use when I was in need. And boy, was I always in need.

It all started when I turned eighteen. I met a man I knew nothing about. For some reason, he started a conversation with me about virginity. He argued, “These days every one starts out very early. You won’t find a teenager who hasn’t done it before. As for the women in their twenties and above, everyone has done it. What’s happening to our world?” I was annoyed that he made such bold assertions. Who made him the authority on subjects surrounding women’s sexuality?

In the heat of our argument, I told him, “You are wrong about everything you are saying. I am eighteen and I am as green as a virgin forest. Nobody has touched me yet.” He didn’t believe me. So I offered to prove it to him. How does one prove their virginity to a man they just met? You’d be shocked to know that I slept with him. Of all the ways a girl could experience shuperu for the first time, I am certain that mine is the least desired.

After my experience with that man, I started craving shuperu like the way pregnant women crave certain foods. It was so severe that I would sleep with any man who was willing to lay with me. If I woke up in the morning, I would think about who I was going to do that day. There were times I had different men in a day. No matter how many times I got pounded, I was never satisfied. I always wanted more.

My behaviour continued until I got pregnant. “Who is the father?” My family asked me. How would I know? I didn’t have one man. I had many men. I remember the pain my parents felt when I told them, “I don’t know who the father is.” You would think I stuck a knife in their chest. My mother tried to remain calm but at this point, she practically screamed, “What do you mean you don’t know? Women always know these things.” Not me. I had no idea when I even conceived.

Despite their disappointment, my family stood by me and supported me throughout the pregnancy until I delivered a very beautiful baby girl. I want to believe that motherhood changed me. Because I took one look at my baby and realized I couldn’t go back to the way I lived my life. I was determined to live a life she could emulate. I wasn’t one for prayer or religion, but I prayed. I asked God to help me overcome my addiction so that the next man I would meet would be my husband.

After that prayer, I held myself. Even on days need burned my loins to ashes, I resisted the urge to jump into bed with the next available man. Sometimes I felt like I was not cut out to live a chaste life but I continued to stay the course. Then I went to the university. While I was in school, I met a man who showed interest in me.

The first day we spoke he told me, “I can be of great help to you as you are in school.” I wasn’t interested so I shook my head at him. He refused to give up, “Just take my number and call me if you need anything.” So I took his number and he took mine. Seeing as I had no interest in him, I always ignored his calls and messages.

Then came a day when I could not ignore my needs. The urge to have shuperu was so strong that I called him. After we exchanged pleasantries I told him, “I want to visit you today. Are you home?” He gladly gave me directions to his place and I showed up. When I got there, I didn’t hesitate to enter his room. After we got small talk out of the way, he tried to touch me. That was what I wanted but I couldn’t give in so easily. So I pretended to resist his advances until I felt he had tried enough. Then I gave in and we had two rounds that day.

I felt guilty that I had relapsed, but when I got to my hostel I realized I wanted more of him. So the next day I went to his house without even telling him. Thankfully, he was so happy to see me. We had rounds and rounds of shuperu continuously for three days before I left his place for my hostel.

All this while, he had fallen in love with me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. Me, I was just in for the fun. He went above and beyond to prove his love for me but I paid little attention to him. I only showed up at his place when I was horny and needed to be sated. The arrangement wasn’t what he wanted but he is a patient man. He waited for me till I was ready to love him. And it took me over two years before I finally fell in love with him.

We were together for seven years and things were great. We only started having problems when I found out I was pregnant. Fred loves children. He always treated my daughter like his own child. So I thought he would be happy that we were going to have a child of our own. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.

The timing of my pregnancy was bad for him because he had met someone else and wanted to leave me for that person. When I found out he told me, “So now that you know that we don’t have a future together, get rid of it.” I insisted on keeping the baby so he abandoned me.

Apart from my family’s support, I was alone during my first pregnancy because I didn’t know the father of my child. That was understandable. But my second pregnancy was different. We had dated for seven years and we were in love. So the pain of his abandonment, and me having to go through the pregnancy alone was unfathomable. I was heartbroken but I couldn’t have forced him to be with me. My only comfort was that I had my family to fall on.

Later, Fred came around to try and claim the pregnancy. My family said the only way he could do that was to marry me. He wasn’t willing to do that so he was given an ultimatum. “If you insist that you will not marry her then forget about your child.” He chose the latter.

My family is well-to-do so we didn’t need Fred’s financial assistance to take care of the child. By God’s grace, I gave birth to my second child without any complications. Fred came back to try and claim the child but he was given the same ultimatum. He still refused to marry me so we ended everything there and then.

After that, I didn’t hear from him for about a year. Then he reached out to me at a time when his life was difficult. He had lost his job so life was not easy. He said he wanted to see the baby. At first, I rejected him and declined all his calls. But he wouldn’t leave. He would call me a hundred times if I rejected his calls ninety-nine times.

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I sat down one day and thought about the fact that he was my second chance at life when I needed one. So if he too needed a second chance to right his wrongs, why not give it to him? That was when I forgave him and gave him access to our child without my family’s knowledge.

Through the visits and constant interaction, I realized that I never stopped loving him. He was also still in love with me. So we had a deep conversation and decided to try again. This time we were both ready and willing to make it work. My family approved of our relationship when I finally opened up to them. They encouraged Fred to do the right thing and he did. We got married without any drama or cohesion.

Why Men Don’t Say “I Love You” To Each Other

This month marks our second anniversary. It had me thinking about everything we went through to get here. The journey hasn’t been all rosy. We argue, but we forgive each other and move on. I still have a high libido, but my husband is the only man I need. He tries his best to make me happy and I am happy.

When I prayed that prayer after I had my first child, I didn’t know that God listened. Now I know he did. I never thought Fred and I would end up together but here we are. I love him more and more each day, and I thank God for bringing him into my life.

—Patty

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