The first time I met James was in January 2021. We had been dating for two months at the time. I didn’t think I was the kind of girl who would date a guy I met on social media, but James caught my attention on Instagram. And we wouldn’t go a day without talking to each other. I live in my hometown so he had to travel all the way to come and meet me.

He was everything his photos portrayed him to be. He was devilishly handsome and he had such a positive energy. I had already accepted his proposal but that was the day he stole my heart. Two days after he left my place, I was on a bus headed to his place. We agreed that I would also go and know where he lives.

It was the first time in my life that I had shuperu with someone without properly getting to know the person first. I had only been with one person before him and we only did it once. So I didn’t know what to expect when I was going to do it with him. To my surprise, I enjoyed every single moment of the night I spent with him.

The next morning he wanted to do it again, and so did I. This time he said, “I don’t have any more condoms. Can we do it raw? I promise I will withdraw.” Sometimes when you love and trust someone, logic abandons you in moments like this. That’s what happened. I knew it was a risky move but I wanted to have fun so we did it.

After everything ended, I took the emergency pill and assured myself that I wouldn’t get pregnant. So everything went on well between us till mid-February when I missed my period and the pregnancy test came out positive. I wasn’t ready for motherhood. So I told James, “I can’t keep this baby. Send me money to do what needs to be done.” He argued that a baby isn’t a bad thing. Then he added, “I will stop talking to you if you if you do anything to my unborn child.”

I had my fears but everything in me told me I had to get rid of it. I tried to go ahead with my decision but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Besides, I had no money at the time. My parents could have paid for it but I couldn’t bring myself to share the news with them. So I kept it a secret from everyone apart from my best friend.

When it got to a point where I couldn’t hide it anymore, my parents discovered the truth. They were disappointed in me but they were also supportive. My baby daddy was there for me as well. My only problem with him was when he refused all pleas to meet my parents officially with his people. He would tell me, “How can I come and meet your parents when I don’t have money? I am a student like you. Let’s just wait till I complete school and start working.”

It isn’t that I had made any financial demands of him. My parents were taking care of everything. All I wanted was for him to introduce himself to my family so they would know who put me in the family way. This was something we fought about until we had the baby.

Our relationship remained a long-distance one, which was more difficult to maintain with the arrival of a newborn. We fought about almost everything concerning money. Sometimes we were on and other times we were off. To this day he does not provide for the child’s needs.

He has only brought us gifts twice. The first time was when he came to see the baby at home alone and brought baby stuff that would last him two weeks at most. The next time was this year. He only came with snacks. He makes me angry all the time, even over small things.

I could get angry with him because he wouldn’t  pick up my calls yet he would be online. I could get angry because I remembered the time he cheated on me while I was pregnant with our baby. When I tried to communicate my feelings, he labelled me immature and said I was bad at communicating.

In January this year, I went over to his place and he was cold toward me. I found out he was flirting with other girls and confronted him. We argued and I said a lot of mean things to him. It was so bad that even as I was leaving we were not talking.

Later in the week, I asked him, “What are we going to do about this mess we made of our lives?” “I am tired,” he responded, “I don’t even know what I want anymore.” I tried to get him back to no avail. From January to May, I tried really hard but he was too far gone. I had no choice but to move on.

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After cutting communication with him, he texted me in June asking about the baby. I thought he wanted us back so I got my hopes up. That same month was my birthday and he even wished me a happy birthday. After that, he ghosted me. That was the last time I tried to contact him.

I had a dream about him the other day. In the dream, he told me, “I cut you off because I am about to start a new relationship.” True to my dream, he posted his new girl on WhatsApp status. He was holding her chin in their photos. I was devastated but I managed to get past it.

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Now, here is my problem. His family doesn’t know about our relationship or that we have a child together. I tried to get his mother’s number since the whole pregnancy began but he wouldn’t give it to me. Fortunately for me, I have gotten the number without his help. Now that I have the number, I don’t know if I should call her.

That’s why I’m here today. Good people on this page, do you think telling his mother the truth is the way? Is telling the truth going to heal my already broken heart? I know that he is planning on keeping this a secret for the longest time possible. My only fear is that maybe we’re meant to be and that he’ll realize his mistake and come back to me. However, if I tell his mother about the baby, he will never forgive me and I will lose him forever. Please, what do I do?

—Eva

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