Bra (brother) Teye was my ICT teacher in primary 6 but that was not how I got to know him first. At some point, he got married to a distant relative of mine. But that was not how we became related. Before any of these events happened, Bra Teye was already in my life. That’s because he is my cousin. He was my favourite when I was a kid so we were close. Before I got promoted to JHS, he quit teaching to further his education. That step he took removed him from my life for many years.

The next time I saw him I was all grown up. A friend invited me to a church and it turned out to be Bra Teye’s church. We could not contain our joy when we ran into each other. After service, we spent time talking about our lives and our family issues. He had this personality that reminded me of why I trusted him so much when I was a kid. The fact that years had passed since we last spoke did not change anything. I was even happier to be reunited with him.

A few days after our run-in, I was on the phone with him talking about everything that happened in my life since he went away. I even told him about my relationship history. Every time we talked, he had nuggets of wisdom to share with me. That was what drew me into his fire. When I met a guy I liked and we started dating, I told him about it. “Do you want to meet him?” I asked. “Of course, let me see the man my little sister is swooning over.” I spoke to my boyfriend and arranged a meeting.

After introducing them, Bra Teye started asking me personal questions about the relationship. One day he asked me, “Are you two sleeping together?” I was shocked he was so direct about it but I answered him anyway. “No, we are not doing anything like that.” His wife also knew about the relationship. So sometimes when I visited them, they brought up my boyfriend. When there were problems, I shared it with them. When there were good times, I told them I was happy. After a while, whenever I discussed my relationship problems with Bra Teye, he would tell me to leave my boyfriend.

Of course, I never took his advice. We all know that you can’t advise someone who is in the throes of love. I continued with the relationship until the guy dumped me painfully one day. I was in pieces. I had no choice but to go crying to my cousin. If I didn’t know better I would say he was happy that it all ended in tears. While this man was comforting me he kept saying, “I told you so.” “If you had listened when I told you to leave him, you wouldn’t be here crying today.” He made sure I never forgot that he was right about my relationship but I was too much in my feelings to pay attention to the signs.

He would call me and we would spend about an hour talking. There were days I ignored his calls. I knew if I answered, he would lecture me till thy kingdom come. I was at home one day brooding over my heartbreak when I heard my mum shout, “Josie! Bra Teye is here.” He is family. That aside, we all knew him to be a morally upright man who was also married. My mother did not question his visit even though it was at night. Besides, he said he was taking me to church.

I used to go to church with him all the time. Sometimes he would pick me up and drop me off so it was nothing new to me. I quickly freshened up and we set off. When we got to my junction, Bra Teye smiled mischievously and said, “I lied. There’s no church service tonight. I just wanted to bring you out. You’ve been indoors for too long. Let’s get some fresh air. It will do you good.” I said okay. He drove us to the beach. I didn’t protest to it. “Hold my hand,” he instructed when I got out of the car. I did it.

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I was still oblivious to his intentions until our food arrived. This man asked me to feed him. That was when unease settled in my belly. “Take me home,” I told him immediately. I don’t even know how I was patient enough for him to finish eating before we left. On our way back he said he had to use the washroom. He asked me to follow him inside. I shook my head, “I will be right here outside when you are done.” He went in alone and when we were walking back to the car, he got closer to me and put his hand around my waist. It didn’t end there.

This man held my waist and asked me, “This your big butt, is it natural or fake?” I shook my head and told him to drive me home. On our way, he suggested we go to a coded location but I told him it was late so he should drive me home. I could see through his pants that he was hard. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe this was the same Shepherd Teye from church who always preached against sexual immorality. Here he was, my Shepherd and Cousin, sexually harassing me.

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

I was scared he may do something drastic on the way so I got out of the car. “I will feel better if I go home with a Taxi,” I waved him off. He begged me to return to the car but I didn’t. We were there until his wife called him before he drove off. I was so confused when I got home. I don’t know if I should tell my mom that this cousin who is a shepherd is not what we all think he is. Or if I should tell his wife or even the pastor of the church.

These days when he sees me talking to the young men in the church, he becomes unreasonably possessive. He would either call them away from me to disrupt the conversation, or instruct them to pack the chairs in the church. His unwarranted jealousy is getting out of hand. What should I do?

—Josie

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