I got married in July 2022 and God being so good I got pregnant in December that year. Now, three years before I got married, I had moved from my mother’s family house into a single-room self-contained apartment in a gated house. Because of my job, I did not move to my husband’s house after marriage. We both understood that it would be better if I continued to stay at my place due to the stress and transportation fares that come with commuting from his end to work every day. So on Fridays after work, I would go to my husband’s place, and then return to my place on Mondays.

My youngest sister who is 24, came to live with me for a while, then left to stay with her boyfriend. This boyfriend of hers is abusive. He would beat her when they had misunderstandings and arguments. One time the boy beat her so badly that she returned to my end. I advised her not to go back to him and she agreed. Before I knew it, she was back with him after a few months had passed. “He keeps begging me. He said he has changed. He won’t hit me again,” she swore.

Two months after she moved back with him, the beatings started again. She couldn’t come back to me. It was our mum she went running to. We said everything we could.

“You deserve better than a man who beats you. Don’t go back to him.”

“We will disown you if you go back.”

After the advice, she came to live with me again.

By then I was four months pregnant. The pregnancy took a toll on my health so everyone agreed it was good she lived with me. So she could help me out around the house. That was the agreement but my sister was barely at home. She would be gone for days, even a week, and return with the explanation that she was with a friend who was helping her look for a job. I didn’t believe her so one day I went to her abusive boyfriend’s place… and there she was. Someone who was supposed to help me around the house was busy shacking up with a man who beat her.

I lived in the house alone from April to the end of July. When it was no longer ideal, my husband came around from time to time to keep me company and help with some chores. About a month to delivery, my sister called me crying and asked me to forgive her. “I shouldn’t have gone back to him, I see it now.” I had moved to a chamber and hall self-contained apartment in the same house then. I figured there would be enough space if she came back to live with me. So I forgave her and took her in again.

She packed all her things from the guy’s end this time. She even brought along her oven which she used for her bakery business. She started baking at my end and got two shops she baked for.

I thought that in my heavily pregnant state, she would even help out when it came to chores. But I always had to complain before she did. My husband came around and realised that my little sister did little or nothing to help around the house. He didn’t say much except to come and live with me so he could assist. He works from home. This has given him the chance to stick around till now.

After I delivered in September, my sister still did nothing to help. My sister and I would be at home while my husband swept and cleaned the house. She was living with us without paying a single utility bill. So how much would it hurt if she just took the time to wash dishes, sweep, or even cook? It is my mum who would finish baking for her business at her end, and then come over to help us out.

Even when my mum comes around and she’s cooking, washing, or cleaning, my sister won’t give her a helping hand. She would rather ask my mum, “I hope you will do the same thing for me when I give birth.” She somehow assumed that everything my mum did was with my mother’s money and not mine or my husband’s.

She got upset whenever she did something wrong and I scolded her. She would refuse to talk to me for days. That aside, she would bang doors anyhow and walk around making all sorts of noise forgetting there’s a sleeping baby around. She wouldn’t mind playing music with her phone while we’re all seated watching TV.

The icing on the cake was the part where she would leave the house and return late. That’s not the problem. The problem is when she goes to take her bath. The bathroom is in the bedroom where I sleep with my husband and the baby. So you can imagine how uncomfortable that was. One day I told her, “It doesn’t show respect that you would tiptoe into our room while we are all asleep to bathe. To be fair to us, come home in time to bathe before we go to bed.” That was it. My sister refused to talk to me for days.

My husband called her one day when I had gone to the salon and asked why she wasn’t talking to me. According to my husband, she said all sorts of horrible things about me. He even had to stop her from saying further. He told her to hold on and say everything in front of me and my mum. When I got back, Mum had also come around so we started talking. My husband asked her to repeat whatever she told him earlier but she couldn’t. She only talked about how I always scolded and judged her.

We were having a quiet discussion but my sister was loud. “I will move from this place and have my freedom. I will rent my own place and move,” she ranted. For peace to reign, I apologized for all the times I scolded her. “Whatever I have done to offend you, I am sorry. Don’t move out. We are a family.” Despite all this, she continued to give me attitude. Her favourite akutia song is Amerado’s Kwaku Ananse. She would put it on repeat and sing along while making faces at me and pointing her fingers.

A few days later, she stopped her baking business and left for our mother’s family house. Though it hurt me that she left, we finally had some peace and calm in the house. While all this was going on, I was unwell.

A month before I gave birth, I had pre-eclampsia. My BP was always high. I became so swollen, and they found protein in my urine whenever I went for antenatal visits. Even two months post-partum, I was still getting swollen. I couldn’t breathe well, I couldn’t sleep, I had palpitations, I had no appetite for food and I felt so much pain in my sides and chest. I was then diagnosed with peripartum dilated cardiomyopathy after running a series of lab tests, an x-ray, and an echocardiogram. I had to be rushed to the Ridge Hospital and was on admission for close to two weeks.

While I was in the hospital, my baby was in my mum’s and my husband’s care. Not even once did my little sister go over there to lend a helping hand. She only called me twice to ask how I was doing. “When I get money I will come and visit you.” That’s what she said, although it would have cost GHC30 to make the trip in and out. Even three weeks after I came home, she was nowhere to be seen.

Our older siblings advised her to make peace with me and move back in with me but she refused. However, once in a while, she sent a text to check up on us.

Now the issue is, that she called a few days ago crying. She said she is pregnant. “Who is the father?” I asked, fearing that she might have gone back to that girlfriend-beater ex of hers. But she said it was a guy she met three months ago. He has taken responsibility and plans to perform the knocking rites in a few weeks. I was so speechless. She’s currently six weeks gone.

READ ALSO: My Husband Broke Down Our Bathroom Door Just Because I Was In There With His Phone

Three days ago she asked if she could come back and live with me. “I just want to be at your place until he performs the knocking rites. Then I will move,” she pleaded. After everything that happened when she came to live with me, you can understand why I am not in a hurry to say yes. I told her to give me time to think about it. Now, she is not working. She no longer does the bakery business either. At mum’s end too, mum has to talk and talk before she helps with any chores.

I am yet to recover from my health problems. So far my husband has been taking care of me and the house. He is doing an amazing job. And I am so thankful to him and the sacrifices he is making for the family. It’s just us and the baby, and things are so peaceful. I have yet to resume work, but in the meantime, I’m resting and recovering from everything my body went through due to pregnancy and childbirth. It hasn’t been easy but we are managing fine. I’m not sure if I want to interfere with the system that is currently working for us.

It Will Be Difficult For Me To Commit To One Person

So how do I allow my sister to come live with us again with all her drama? I can’t guarantee that she is coming back with changed behaviour. According to the stories she told people, my husband and I treated her badly. That’s why she was never a happy person when she lived with us. Will she be a happy person this time around? I also feel she has disrespected my husband and me enough. Besides, I don’t need to deal with so much stress while I’m trying to recover.

That’s the thing. I know what works for me but the thought of turning her away breaks my heart. Logic said I should tell her no but my heart is sad because of it. What do I do? Should I listen to my head or my heart? I love this girl so much but her energy is just so chaotic. So why do I feel like I would be doing something wrong if I turned down her request?

—Selorm

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