One thing I don’t understand is my husband’s demand that we have a baby. What is the rush in bringing a child into this world when we are not financially sound to even take care of ourselves? My husband, for instance, has not been able to provide for my financial needs since we got married in November 2021.
It makes it easier for him to shirk his responsibilities because we don’t live together. I would call him to ask for money and he would give me motivational talks. “I don’t have money, dear. But don’t give up. Just keep pushing. Everything is going to be alright.” I hate it when he does that. How can you tell a hungry person to hold on? Hold on to what?
There are times I look back and wonder how this is my life. Tommy was not like this when we were dating. Although things were difficult for us financially, he was a loving and caring boyfriend. He gave me the impression that he would do his best to take care of me. But marriage has revealed a different side of him that makes me unhappy.
When we first got married we agreed that we would wait for a year before having kids. But due to our financial situation, I believe we should wait a little longer. I lost my job after our marriage so currently, I sell thrift (second-hand) clothes at the market. This is how I am able to pay my bills and survive. I cannot bring a child into this condition. I have explained this to my husband but he says no. He tells me, “Don’t worry about the financial needs of the baby. I will provide for everything.” I don’t believe him one bit. He will leave me to take care of everything like I am currently doing.
I tried to reason with him; “My dear, I have joined a susu group. When I collect my money I will use it to get a shop so I can move in and have a stable business. We can start trying for a baby then.” However, my husband won’t have it. He keeps saying that time is not on our side. I don’t know what he means by that. I am only twenty-six so I believe I have plenty of time to prepare myself financially before I get pregnant.
Apart from taking care of our child, I also need to make enough money to take care of my mother. I am her only child so she is my responsibility. Tommy does not understand this at all. He tries to put a baby in me whenever he gets the chance. And although I love him, I don’t enjoy intimacy with him. So it makes the experience painful and unpleasant for me.
I noticed our poor sex life before marriage. He would touch me in very intimate places but I would feel absolutely nothing. So we always used lubricants. I thought it would go away after marriage but the problem persists. It’s not as if he is not good in bed. He does all the right things. And he keeps himself clean so it’s not that he smells bad. I just don’t desire him. When he touches me my mind tells me he is going to hurt me. So I panic whenever see him coming close to me. And now that I know he wants a baby, my fear of him has worsened. I visibly shake when we are alone together. Why do I feel this way about my husband?
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I know I am not the problem because something happened recently that assured me I am capable of sexual pleasure. So I met a man on Facebook barely two weeks ago. He doesn’t know I am married. I have enjoyed talking to him so much that one night we sexted. Could you believe that I got an orgasm through that? This happened with someone I am yet to meet in person. If I can get aroused via text messages then why doesn’t my husband’s touch do it for me?
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I don’t know if it’s because deep down I don’t love Tommy, or I am just not attracted to him. My newfound man has proposed that I marry him. He has been very loving and caring to me. He showers me with money even though we haven’t seen each other yet. We will be meeting soon and I plan to tell him the truth about my marital status when we do.
As I’m writing to you now, my husband is no longer talking to me. He is punishing me because I stood my ground on not having a baby. I am in a dilemma. I do not understand why he cannot accept that we are not ready for a child. After everything I have seen, will I be right to leave the marriage? Or I should stay and make it work? Go easy on me in the comment section.
— Nsroma
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My dear the reason why you Don’t like the idea of your husband touching you is the mental picture you have created in your mind. When having sex with him picture him as a man who is working ,your ideal man. As for the man you are sex texting don’t leave your husband for him because most of them after they have lured you into leaving your Husband knowingly or unknowingly they won’t get married to you . The reason is that they will view you as cheap and in a way he is right because he got you through sex texting meaning some one can also get you through sex texting and also he won’t get married to you because he has seen that you are easy to fool so even if he gets married to you he knows you will leave him for some ones else who got you through the same means he got you from your ex. Be wise don’t trust someone you met online cause they are dangerous. Even the people you know are dangerous how much more the people you do not know. Remember the devil you know is better than the angle you do not know. As for your husband talk to him about your fears. Tell him point blank if he does not get himself a job no kids and also he should try and perform his responsibilities. If you allow him to impregnate you ,you will be the one to suffer and also the child. Go into the susu scheme you are talking about so that you can be financially sound. Try your hands on something that can help you generate more money maybe an indomie business at night with the money that you have or a credit transfer business. As for your online boyfriend don’t send him any nude pictures of yourself and block him. Sex texting is also a form of cheating so stop it before it’s too late. Communicate with your husband . Put it in your mind to love him and you would. Encourage your husband to look for a job,support him to do so. It doesn’t mean it has to financially but emotionally. Don’t forget to pray and dedicate yourself and your family into the hands of God. If you don’t leave that boyfriend of yours things will be ugly . You are a married woman limit your self. Live like a married woman cause that’s who you are. Don’t create way for the devil to destroy and use you. If you don’t end what will destroy you ,it will end and destroy you. Good luck .May God help you. Pray fervently. Divorce is not the answer to every thing. Prayer is. If the husband God has given is not able to take care of you then how will someone who is not your husband and also not given to you by God take care of you. He will use and leave you when he becomes tired of you. So why don’t you pray and stay with husband because he will be there fore you all the time because he is given to you by God. If there is something you don’t like in your life take it to God in prayers.
It’s good you talk to your husband your fears and challenge or advice him to be resourceful
Lol. I don’t know what to say mpo. This lady paa 😆
The online man will also demand for a child right after marriage whether he’s financially stable or not. The fact that he sends you money doesn’t mean he’s financially ok.
My sister, stay and work on your marriage please.
For the lack of sexual arousal, I think it’s lack of communications in that area.
Maame Afua you have said everything there is to say. She should take your advice and it will help her. I enjoy your comments on this platform. And George too. You are really helping people. Thanks so much.