Ever since we started dating, Grace has become busy all of a sudden. Meanwhile, it wasn’t like that when we were merely friends. I understand that her schedule has changed, but I believe people make time for their partners no matter how little time they have on their hands. So why is my case different?

We’ve been through a series of cycles throughout the last four years we’ve known each other. We were working at the same place until she resigned. She got a better opportunity while I focused on my path to pursue a degree.

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She had a boyfriend at the time, so our relationship was strictly platonic. I, on the other hand, wanted to focus on my studies, so I was single. I wasn’t even in the talking stage with anyone. I got all the female companionship I needed from Grace. In my heart, no matter which direction life threw us in, we would always be friends.

I thought we were on the same page until a year into our friendship. She came running to me when her relationship ended. As her friend, I did my best to comfort her aching heart. The next thing I knew, she was telling me, “I have feelings for you. Do you think we can date?”

At that moment, I saw her as a vulnerable woman. She had just broken up with her boyfriend. Surely, she must not be in her right mind. And I am not one to take advantage of a woman who is in pain. Besides, I didn’t want to be the man she would use to heal from her ex. So I told her, “I am not sure you need another relationship right now. Why don’t you take some time to heal first?” It was a bitter pill for her to swallow, but I believed I had to turn her down for her own good.

Despite my rejection, our friendship bloomed so beautifully. Along the line, I finished my degree and also resigned from the company we met at. I had to do my national service, and I had a government institution in mind. Luckily, I got in. It was at this point that I found myself falling in love with Grace.

I don’t know how it happened. Maybe it’s all the years we’ve spent getting to know each other as friends. Or it could be that I have always loved her but didn’t realize it until I was finally done with school. However it happened, it didn’t matter to me. I was just glad when I found my heart bursting with excitement at the thought of her.

I didn’t waste time or try to beat about the bush. I told her outright, “I developed strong feelings for you over all these years. Will you be my girlfriend?” I half expected her to turn me away the way I turned her down three years ago, but she didn’t. She didn’t even tell me she would think about it or pray about it first. She said yes almost immediately, and we started something beautiful.

Before I proposed to her, we were always on the phone having conversations. She visited me frequently as well. But the moment she became my girlfriend, she grew distant. Her visits reduced drastically. Regular phone calls became a thing of the past.

When I complained, she told me, “You know I have been preparing for my professional certification exams. I don’t even have time for myself, so how am I supposed to have time for you?” I am not an unreasonable man. I know she must be occupied, but what would it cost her to talk to me for ten minutes in a day? Could you believe that we only spoke for two minutes the whole of last week? The rest were unreturned calls and late responses to my messages. Come on, I don’t believe anyone is that busy.

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What surprises me is that although she says she can’t have time for me right now, she cooks for me when I ask her to. Look at all the work and time that goes into cooking a meal. How come she has time to do that, but the moment I want to spend quality time with her, she disappears?

When I ask myself what changed, the only thing I can think of is that I used to have a job, but now I am doing my national service. Could that be the reason she keeps avoiding me? Maybe she is thinking I will struggle to find another job after my service. But if we were in constant communication, she would have known that the senior staff member through whom I got this opportunity is helping me get retained after my service. I’ve even started the process to secure my retention.

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Now, because of her behavior, I have started leaning toward Afia, a lady at my workplace. She has been giving me all the attention I have been lacking in my relationship. Everything she does shows she likes me.

I want to go where I feel loved and seen, but I vowed to myself never to disappoint any lady in my life. So I am feeling confused right now. I don’t know if I should be patient and give Grace some time and see if things will change after her exams or if I should shift my attention to Afia. She is equally a good person. What would you advise me to do?

— K

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