Our relationship is only six months old, but I found myself pregnant. When I told him about it, he said he wasn’t ready, so we should not have it. I told him I’d rather have it and wait until he’s ready, which he agreed to.
I told my parents about it, and they were not happy. My dad told me, “If he’s sure he’s going to marry you, then why doesn’t he do something small traditionally and do the rest later?”
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I brought him home to meet my dad. They talked man-to-man, where my dad told him it would be an embarrassment to the family if I gave birth without a husband. They later agreed that my boyfriend should do the knocking rite and the traditional marriage, and later, we’d decide if we would do a white wedding.
Because my dad didn’t want to stretch the issue, he gave him a very moderate dowry list. My boyfriend came to tell me he didn’t have the money because he wasn’t ready, so I should lend him the total amount, which he would pay back after the marriage. I told him I couldn’t give him all the money, so we should split the cost 50/50.
He said he couldn’t do 50/50. I asked for a 45/55 split, where I pay the 55% portion. He shook his head and told me he couldn’t do it, so it’s either I lend him the money or he forgets about the whole marriage and does it later when he’s ready.
Yes, I have the money. If he had asked for help, it would have been easier, but he’s asking for a loan instead. Do you think it’s a good idea to give him a loan to marry me?
— Stef
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Your boyfriend is simply not ready for marriage, and giving him the loan to perform the marriage rites may be the beginning of troubles. There’s a saying that “where there’s a will, there’s a way”. If he wants to marry you now, he’ll find away to get part of the money and will only require you to help. So please don’t force him. You’ll not be the first nor last to have a baby before marriage.
It’s better to focus on having the baby now and thinking of marriage later, than to foot 100% of the marriage bill and be sad in the days, months or years to come. Remember there’s a baby on the way…..will he have money for ante-natal care, baby stuff for both home and hospital, delivery expenses, and child care??? Think about it
You are right Lydia
Your boyfriend was just enjoying you in the name of relationship that’ll lead to marriage.
Give him the money and marry yourself. You’ll take care of yourself and your baby in the marriage thus if abuse doesn’t come in.
Count your loss and move on.
If by the time he comes back you are available then he should thank his star
You are right Lydia. If you pay for the marriage now he use it to disrespect you. By saying any3 bia no wo na wo ware me.
That is you basically marrying yourself. If he really wanted to marry you he will find a way to raise the money. This is how disrespect starts in a marriage
kindly tell your father that, the idiot is not ready for marriage, that man is going to disrespect you in the name of, you forced me to marry you. you will find love again. We have been there where we gave birth before marriage but we managed to go thrugh it so you will go through that situation. God bless you