She Won’t Let Me Pay Her Back For All The Things She Did In The Past

Due to health problems, I couldn’t start schooling early. I almost gave up on my education even, but God intervened. By the time I was in Secondary school, I was in my late twenties. And I had a child. The mother of my child no longer wanted to be with me so I was single. I did odd jobs after school and on weekends, to provide for myself and my daughter. My goal was to stay away from women and focus on my education, but you know life. You plan one thing, and something else happens.

It was during one of my odd jobs that I met Pipi. I had no intention of falling in love with her but I couldn’t help myself. She too fell madly in love with her. Even when I told her that I was in secondary school, she wasn’t deterred. She told me, “I am not with you because of what you can offer me. So don’t try to push me away by telling me you are a broke school boy.” I was touched.

Just as she didn’t care that I wouldn’t be able to take care of her needs, she also didn’t care that I have a child. She used to work in a mining organization in Obuasi so she had money. She would shop for my daughter as though she was buying stuff for her own child. I was so surprised that a woman would do that but that was just the tip of the iceberg.

When Pipi got to know me better, she started taking care of me too. She would go to the market and buy me foodstuffs that usually sustained me for weeks. She would buy me clothes and other things to make me look good. She also sent me money. No one had ever treated me like that, so it made me love her more.

There were times I told her, “Pipi, you shouldn’t be the one to send me money and provide for my needs. I am the man in the relationship. So that’s my job.” She would often laugh and say, “Don’t worry about it. I have hope that you will be a great man someday. Just consider this my contribution to the greatness that awaits you.” With the kind of faith she had in me, I didn’t dare give up.

One time, I did some work and got some money to spare. I was so happy that I decided to surprise Pipi with some of it. For once, I wanted to be the giver in the relationship. When she received the money she sent it back to me and added some to it. I called to ask why she did that, and she said, “Because you are in school. You need it more than I do.” Yet again, she managed to shock me.

After I completed Secondary school, I enrolled in the Teacher Training College. And Pipi’s kindness and generosity went on. She is around my age so she became frantic about getting married just around that time. What also bothered her was the fact that we never spent intimate moments together. I was living with someone so she couldn’t visit me and have me all to herself. She was also living with her parents so I also couldn’t visit her and be alone with her. This bothered her a great deal.

So one day she complained, “Goddy, I am tired of being single. When can we get married so we can finally live together?” I told her, “You know I’m currently in school so I can’t afford marriage yet. For now, I can come for your marriage list and start buying the things one after the other. By the time I complete school, and start working, everything should be ready.” She didn’t like my response.

She said she couldn’t wait that long and that a doctor had promised her marriage, so I should let her go and marry him. I was heartbroken when she said this. I expected us to end up together after everything she did for me, but she refused. I couldn’t force her to stay so I let her go. Even with that, she still sent me money and foodstuffs and money from time to time.

Now, we are both almost forty. Her relationship with the doctor and other men after him didn’t work out. Me too, I couldn’t find someone I love the way I loved her so I was single for a long time.

Somewhere last year, I asked her to marry me but she turned me down. According to her, she left me for another man and it didn’t work out, so it wouldn’t be right for her to come back and marry me. She said I might use it against her. I have assured her that I am not bitter about the way things ended between us, but she said she didn’t feel right about marrying me. I was disappointed but once again, I respected her decision.

Right now, the tables have turned. I am an accomplished businessman. I help people with their passport applications and work as a travel agent. I am also a football agent. So I am doing very well financially. She, on the other hand, is doing very poorly when it comes to money. That’s why after she turned down my proposal I asked to compensate her with money for all the help she gave me in the past.

Pipi turned down my offer. She said she didn’t help me in hopes that I would one day pay her back so I should forget about everything and just move on. I explained to her, “I cannot move on peacefully when I know you are struggling with money and I can help. Please, set my soul at ease and allow me to pay you back somehow.” She answered, “Okay, you can help me. Just be there for me when I am broke and come asking for money.” I accepted her terms and moved on with my search for a life partner.

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Once in a while, she would call me and ask, “Goddy, I am broke. Can you send me GHC500?” I would send it to her without any complaints. Sometimes she would ask for GHC200. Other times too GHC100. Now my problem is, every time she calls to ask me for money I start to reminisce about the past. This gives me false hope that if I push harder, she would marry me. But every time I tried to fight for her, she pushed me away.

Currently, I am studying two women for marriage. I haven’t proposed marriage to any of them but they know it’s a possibility. I am sure that I will make my choice and get married before the year ends. Now, this is why I am here. I cannot afford to have Pipi popping up in the picture when I get married. I wouldn’t want to be with my wife and be thinking of my ex.

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So I asked her once again to let me give her a sum of money so she can set herself up. That way she will be financially independent, and wouldn’t come back to me for money when she is broke. But she has refused again.

I want to cut her off by the time I get married so I am torn between two choices. I can either send her an amount I am sure will be enough to establish a small business for her, and then cut her off. Or I can keep helping her with handouts till I get married and then cut her off. The thing with the second choice is that I don’t want to come across as ungrateful. Please what do I do? How do I go about this without hurting her?

—Goddy