I got to know her through my mom. We call her Maa Lydia, a woman in her late fifties. The first day I was sent to her, she couldn’t believe my mom had a son like me. “Are you her junior brother?” She asked. I responded, “No, I’m her son. I’m the first child.” She opened her mouth for seconds before she closed it. She spoke very well of my mom and advised me to be the son my mom raised.

She was living alone so I went there to help her whenever she needed a hand. Sometimes I would be at work and she would call to tell me to get something for her on my way home. We became friends. At first, she got to me through my mom. My mom would be like, “Your girlfriend needs your help.” When a day goes by without hearing from her, I would ask my mom, “My girlfriend hasn’t called today? Later Maa Lydia caught up with it and started calling me her boyfriend. She would tell my mom, “Today, my boyfriend is sleeping over so close your door.”

One Saturday afternoon, I went to see her and was met by this young lady. Maa Lydia had spoken to me about her kids so immediately I saw this lady and noticed the striking resemblance, I knew she was one of Maa Lydia’s children. She didn’t know me so she asked who I was looking for. I spent hours in the house doing what I was called to do. She passed by every now and then and I wondered why she wouldn’t talk to me or ask me a question.

Days later, I went there and she was gone. She was out of the house but wasn’t out of my mind. I wish there was a way I could speak to Maa Lydia about her so that she wouldn’t feel suspicious. I wanted to know where she went. I wanted to know what she was doing, her work, her passion, everything. For days, I thought about her but didn’t want to admit I’d fallen in love with her. I was scared thinking about it would disappoint her mom.

A month or so later, she came back. I was determined to at least say a word or two to her but each time I went to the house, her mom was on our way. When her mom wasn’t on our way, she would be in her room. One day, I intentionally knocked at her door and asked for a key to another room. I knew where to find that key. I used it anytime I was there but I wanted an avenue to talk to her. When she brought the key I asked, “I hope this time you’ll stay a little bit longer to keep your mom company.”

She smiled. “I’m on leave so I will be here for a while. Even when I’m gone, I know you’ll be here to take care of her so I have no fears.” It was my turn to smile. The ice was broken. I thought we could be friends from there but this girl was either out of the house anytime I was around or was simply in her room and wouldn’t come out until I left.

Little by little, what I had in my heart for her kept growing. I would stay up at night thinking about how to get her to talk to me or how to get her number. “How can I do it so it wouldn’t be suspicious? If Maa Lydia gets to know my intention, would she like me the way she does?” I woke up at dawn to fantasize about her. In my fantasy, a lot of crazy stuff happened. All was centred around love, friendship and marriage.

I told myself, “What would have to be. I will go in there, take her number and tell her I would like to know her more than just the daughter of a woman who is a friend.”

I got there that morning and Maa Lydia told me, “Kwansema said I should tell you she’s leaving. She was hoping you would come before she leaves.” I couldn’t even smile. I was like, “Oh she’s gone? I saw her yesterday and she said nothing about that.” She responded, “She’s like a ghost. I even didn’t know she would be leaving today until she told me this morning.”

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I used the opportunity to collect her number from her mom. I called her later in the day, “I learned you left. You should have told me yesterday.” She responded, “It was impromptu. I had to go somewhere with my boyfriend. It was urgent so I had to come.”

When I heard ‘boyfriend’ everything else she said faded. The boyfriend part kept ringing in my ears repeatedly like the way the church bell rings. “She has a boyfriend? Wow, what was I thinking?”      

One day, I was with Maa Lydia when she had a call. It was a very long call. I figured she was talking to her daughter because she kept mentioning her name. When she finally hung up, she said something like, “A man who loves you won’t take forever to marry you. What else should I say to make you understand?”

She went into a bad mood right after the call. Even when I was leaving and I told her, she didn’t lift her head to look at me. She only nodded while I walked out of the door.

Weeks later, we had a conversation. She was asking why our generation doesn’t see between red and white. “The problem with you is, you don’t listen. You think you’re right when you’re clearly wrong. I spent years advising my daughter against a man but she kept telling me I was wrong. Just yesterday, the guy did exactly what I  said he was going to do. He left her. Now, I’m the one she’s crying on.”

I remembered how I felt the day she mentioned ‘boyfriend’. How it kept ringing in my ears repeatedly and told myself, “There’s no more boyfriend? God, is that a sign that you listen to prayers like mine? The negative ones?”

I started texting her. It was a very innocent kind of text. Some days I asked when she was coming. Other days, I asked why she didn’t come home every weekend. One day I mustered the courage and ask about her boyfriend. “How is he doing? I hope he’s not the reason you don’t come home often.” She sent sad face emojis. She said, “It’s a long story. I can’t even cut it short but I hope he’s fine.”

When I didn’t text, she texted asking if her mom was doing well. Friendship was building slowly. I told Maa Lydia, “I was speaking to Kwansema today. She asked about you.”

She quickly got up and sat straight, “You’ve been talking to her? Do you like her? If you do, let me know. You would be a better man to her than that silly guy.”

I smiled shyly. I might have said something that didn’t make sense but she got it. I know she got it because of the next move she made. I was talking to Kwansema when she asked me, “What have you been telling my mom?” The question caught me by surprise. I said, “Your mom? I remember telling her that you asked about her that was all.” “I know you won’t tell me the truth but it’s ok,” she responded.

I probed. I tickled her to tell me what her mom said but she didn’t. When she came home and the three of us met, out of nowhere, Maa Lydia asked, “So how far with you two? What are you doing?”

Kwansema looked at me and I looked back at her. We both laughed. She continued, “You both can’t maltreat each other because of who I am to you. Take this as a sign and do something.”

I was already in love with her but didn’t know her stand. A year ago, she lost a boyfriend she had dated for four years. I didn’t know if she was ready to trust and try again. I wasn’t even sure if she liked me that much or whether she would listen to her mom.

After that encounter we spoke normally, trying as much as possible not to bring her mother’s conversation in but along the line, I asked, “Have you thought about what your mom wants from us?” She answered, “No. I should love a man because I love him and not because my mom told me to. I’m not a kid.” I asked, “So, that means I don’t feature on your radar, right?” She asked, “Do I?”

“You do. Long before your mom said it. In fact, right from the day I first saw you.”

“So, why didn’t you say it?”

“I’m saying it now. Is it wrong?”

“It came after my mom’s initiation so it will forever feel like it’s my mom who put us together.”

“Is it wrong?”

We went around this question for weeks, months actually. Even today as we’ve been married for three years, we still argue about this. She’s like, “You’re a coward. If my mom didn’t say anything, you wouldn’t have been able to make a move.” I would be like, “What’s wrong with that? Something has to happen for other things to follow. Look at where we are. What’s wrong with that?”

How I Met The Woman Of My Dreams

We argue about this but that’s not what is important to us. What’s important is the journey ahead of us and the support we receive from our parents. Maa Lydia is more than an In-law. She was a friend, and then she became a mother before becoming an In-law. She treats me like a son and gives me the respect a son-in-law deserves. She wants to take care of me whenever she gets the chance because, to her, I’m a son.

I’m thankful for that and I’m grateful to the God who made this possible. I got a wife from a home I belong to. It’s a story that doesn’t happen often and this makes me feel special. To marry a woman who is also a sister sounds like a fairytale but this fairytale is mine. I can only be happy with the way things turned out. She loves me the way a woman will love a husband, and that to me, is the bottom line.

—Enoch

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