Our wedding was beautiful. Everyone present felt the love my husband and I carried in our hearts for each other. After everything we went through right from the moment we met, I couldn’t believe we were finally standing before God, the officiating ministers, the bridal team, our family, friends, and friends of friends, exchanging our wedding vows. When my pastor said; “I pronounce you husband and wife,” I felt confetti of joy float in my chest. I looked into the eyes of my groom and thought, “This is the beginning of the rest of our lives together. I pray this happiness we are both experiencing lasts throughout our marriage.” When he looked at me, it was as if I was the only woman in the room at that moment. Indeed our wedding was a beautiful occasion, and I am finding it difficult to believe that two years have passed already. 

A few weeks after our honeymoon, we settled into a routine; we left the house early in the morning for work, got back home in the evening, had dinner, and bonded over watching TV or talked about our day. It wasn’t always fun but it was comfortable and nice. We continued to do this for a few months until I noticed my husband getting distracted during our bonding moments. We would be having dinner and he would be looking at his phone instead of talking to me. There were days he’d be so buried in his phone that I would finish my food and leave the table but he wouldn’t know it. When I realized it was becoming too much I asked him, “What’s so interesting on your phone that it cannot wait for us to eat first?” He answered, “Oh, work has been crazy lately. So I try to get stuff done even when I’m out of the office.” 

I didn’t believe him so another time I asked again, “Surely, your boss expects you to take a break at some point. Will he fire you for talking to your wife while you’re off the clock?” This time he said, “Sorry, I was having a chat with the boys and I got carried away.” As the days went by, his behaviour did not change for the better. He was always on his phone and he wouldn’t even let me go anywhere near it. When I talked about it, he would give me one reason after the other. Slowly, he started withdrawing from me. I started feeling alone in our marriage. My husband would be in bed with me yet it would feel as if we were separated by a vast ocean. The happiness I felt the day we got married turned into despair. I trusted him so I didn’t want to go behind his back and look through his phone. But with the way he was behaving, I couldn’t help myself. 

One day I took his phone while he was in the bathroom. Luckily, he hadn’t changed his password. What was unfortunate were the things I found on it. It turned out that he was always busy with his phone because of the conversations he was having with his ex-girlfriend. They were flirting, and sexting each other. This woman was shamelessly sending explicit photos of herself to my husband. I have never felt anger like the anger I felt that day. When he came out of the bathroom I confronted him; “If you were still in love with your ex then why did you marry me?” He looked at me as if I was crazy, “What are you going on about? I don’t care about my ex. Why are we even talking about her?” I showed him the messages, “Why don’t you try lying your way out of this one too?” He was shocked and started apologizing immediately. 

He said it was a mistake. He promised he would put an end to it. I was so angry that I told him he would have to earn back my trust. He told me, “I will do anything to prove to you that I’m sorry.” After a while, I forgave him and started monitoring his phone closely. True to his words he changed. He started being present again and our marriage got back on track. Not long after that, his ex-girlfriend got married. I found out by stalking her social media accounts. When I saw her wedding photos I sighed in relief, “Now that this lady has gotten married, she would concentrate on her husband and leave mine alone.” I stopped worrying about her and enjoyed my marriage. 

A few months after her marriage I noticed my husband had changed again. He was trying very hard to act unsuspecting, but that’s how I knew that he was hiding something from me. I went through his phone and found out that he was flirting with her again. There was no evidence that anything physical had happened between them, but the contents of the texts were very graphic. I confronted my husband again, and he got angry that I had gone through his phone. He did not express any remorse for what he had done. He said, “Nothing has happened between us. We are just texting, that’s all.” I was hurt and desperate so I confronted the lady and begged her to leave my husband alone. She insulted me in return. I spent a lot of time talking to my husband and this lady, asking them to respect the sanctity of our marriage but they couldn’t care less. So I started asking around about her and her husband. After I told a few people about what she was doing with my husband, someone got me her husband’s number.

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What hurt me the most was how they disregarded my feelings and continued what they were doing even after several confrontations with them. So one day, I called the lady’s husband. I introduced myself and said, “I’m sorry to share this news with you but your wife has been sending her nudes to my husband. She started it before she got married and she continued it after marriage. As I’m talking to you, there are obscene images and messages in their chats.” The man didn’t believe me at first. He thought I was just playing a cruel prank on him. But I urged him to go ahead and check his wife’s phone if he thought I was lying.

I don’t know what he did or what he found out. But a few days later, I heard that he sent her packing and filed for divorce. Now everyone I had confided in about her is angry at me. “I hope you are happy knowing that you broke another woman’s marriage.” One person told me. Another one also said, “Why did you have to report her to her husband? It’s your husband you should have dealt with it. After all, he is the one who encouraged her to keep sending her photos.” Many other people have said things to me that makes it seem I set out to separate her from her husband. But that was not my intention. I only hoped that her husband would confront her and that she would change. I didn’t think the man would throw her out of his house. 

I feel so terrible that things got out of hand. I am laden with this guilt that I can’t shake off. Please I need to ask the readers on this platform if indeed I was wrong to have reported her to her husband. Should I have kept quiet and watched her destroy my marriage instead? 

—Abena

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