I met Rosie in my first year at the Polytechnic. I couldn’t not have noticed her. Her striking beauty turned heads everywhere she went. And from the moment I saw her, I was drawn to her. I was so happy when we started talking. I told myself, “I get to be friends with the pretty girl.” Everything about her excited me; her smile, intelligence, and the ways she made even the most mundane things feel meaningful.
It got to a point where I had to be honest with myself. My interest in her went beyond friendship. I knew I had feelings for her I am not one to beat about the bush when I like someone. So I decided to be upfront and let her know.
I went straight to the point and proposed love to her. Unfortunately, she didn’t reciprocate my feelings. She wasn’t mean about it though. She was gentle but firm when she told me there was no future for us.
She made it clear in many ways that we could never be more than friends. And yet, I didn’t give up. I felt if I pushed hard enough I could win her heart. So I did everything I could to show her how much I cared. I was there for her. I helped her with her studies, and made sure she passed her exams. It hurt to be so close to her and not be with her but I pushed my feelings aside.
Three years of tertiary education passed, and we were always in each other’s lives. It just wasn’t in the way I wanted. Throughout that time, I watched her move from one relationship to another, sometimes with guys I knew. Every time she chose someone else, it was clear to me: I wasn’t what she wanted.
But even after graduation, when I relocated to Germany and she was still in Ghana, I couldn’t shake off my feelings for her. I kept hoping that maybe, just maybe, she’d see me in a different light. They say consistency gets results, right?
That’s why I kept reaching out, and trying so hard to make something happen between us. But she was always clear; “No, I am not interested in you romantically.” Finally, I accepted that she didn’t want me that way. And that was it. I left her alone.
Then, something unexpected happened. A few years after we graduated I heard from her again. She told me, “I have had to move from Ghana. I have relocated to the Netherlands.” She added that she was single. All her past relationships hadn’t worked out. She didn’t state it in clear terms but I understood she was inviting me to make another proposal in case I was also single. But I didn’t.
All of a sudden, she started showing clear signs that I was the one she was looking at next. When I didn’t act on the hint she graduated to pushing for things to happen between us. “I don’t want to play games. I am too old for that,” she said, “I want something serious that will lead to marriage.”
This whole thing feels strange to me. The girl who had turned me down countless times is now acting as if I am her only option. She doesn’t want to date or take things slow to see if we are even compatible. When we spoke, she jumped straight to conversations about a serious relationship that leads to marriage. It doesn’t matter to her that we just reconnected.
To be honest, I am not sure what to make of it. The girl who once shut me out now wants to rush into a lifelong commitment with me.
I have been thinking about what she wants. In my reflection, it dawned on me that our friendship never got physical. Yes, we were close. We have been going strong for years. However, we never got physically close. She never allowed us to sleep in the same room, let alone be intimate. Sometimes, even something as simple as a hug would make her uncomfortable. So I am asking myself why she wants to marry me now if she couldn’t tolerate my touch then.
She Calls My Mom A Witch Because Of This…
Now, I find myself at a crossroads. I love her. I’ve loved her for so long. But as I look at the situation, I can’t help but wonder if we’re truly compatible in the ways that matter most. We’ve been friends for years, but marriage, with all its complexities and expectations, feels like a different kind of challenge.
So, here I am, trying to understand where I stand. I’ve invested so much into this relationship, but I can’t ignore how I was treated during our Polytechnic days. My feelings are still there, but I also need to ask myself if love alone is enough to build a future.
—Freddy
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Initially she made it clear to you that you it wasn’t going to work for you two.
She gave other guys the opportunity to date her except you regardless of the number of times you tried.
Would she have looked for you if any of her past relationships worked for her?
It would have been a different narrative if she wasn’t in any relationship, nursing a heartbreak, or was afraid to start a new relationship drawing from her painful past experiences and needed some time to cool her head.
Most ladies behave like this. When all that sweetness have been taken out and they are unsuccessful, then they want to come to the person whom they had no feelings. Man check your feelings and her motives well
Be the King. Marriage is not for boys and girls. She obviously is pushing for marriage for reasons other than “love & need” for u: age, loneliness, societal n family accept etc. You may think she holds same value as the pretty, smart, innocent 1yr girl, but trust me once u bring her in, u will realized she has bruises from the many relationships she entered over u, her intentions won’t be as pure as u knew her…and submission to u may be someway as u have SIMPed around her for a long time.
Be the King and bounce
Better run oooo boss. She wants to use you as her last resort and not for love or anything.
Ignore her and get somebody else if you are ready to settle down
From one immigrant to a fellow immigrant. Let me take this from another angle:
Don’t do it! She’s moved from a place where she was the IT girl to a place where she’s been levelled. Loneliness has crept in and her only resort is to go back to the one who she feels has been there through her ins and outs. I beg you by the mercies of God! Don’t do it! You’ll find plenty girls in Germany to be with. This is her season to navigate aburokyire abrab) on her own! Not to marry! The incompatibility of seasons in both of your lives will cause issues! Find someone who is where you’re at in life!
And oh! Reduce the number of times you speak to her. Prolly that has been the reason why you’re still stuck on her.
Sometimes, people go through alot of bad relationships and the experience makes them now appreciate that the person who was consistent at the time they were blinded isn’t so bad after all…. While this is true, I also believe that it is important to build a bit more on what you had in the past… Address your concerns with her. Communicate with her your intentions to build a solid foundation before moving forward. Hopefully, she would reason with you….
do not listen to this advice. you will regret ever getting back while Maame will be here giving other people different advice to the same matter
Let me get this straight, the girl that you’ve been in love with for years finally wants to date you, but now you’re not sure that you want to date her . I don’t see how you have anything to lose. Try dating her, if the two of you don’t work out, then you’ll finally know and get closure, if you work out then wonderful for you guys, committing to a serious relationship doesn’t mean that you have to marry her. Try things out and then see how they go. As for the previous comments, girls are dumb sometimes, especially when they’re young. They have wonderful guys who love them, but they don’t give them a chance. There are some virtues that it takes time and wisdom to appreciate. At least she didn’t accept you then and treat you shabbily or cheat on you. As long as she felt that she couldn’t reciprocate your feelings she kept things at the friendship level. Now she knows better and she’s willing to take a chance on true love, it is up to you to decide
Reg, read before you post. The girl he wanted long ago gave the honey pot to many different guys. Then some years down the line she comes and is pushing for nothing but marriage straight. Is it because she sees Freddy as simp? He should get someone who is equally enthusiastic about him, my humble opinion.
Don’t compromise your integrity with blindfolded love
she said it emphatically that you two can’t be liberals, what happened now
is she the only lady on earth?
Everybody, not only girls, but everybody makes mistakes in life. Ask the men claiming you should run, she gave the honey pot to someone else etc if the women they first dated are the ones they are still dating or are married to?
That giwrk was very principled. She kept a friendship with you for years that didn’t cross any boundaries. She never lied to you. She was sincere with you and never led you on. Do you guys seriously think this is a girl that is not worth at least dating to find out if things would work between you two?
Anyway, I think if you like her, you can give it chance. However be clear that you need to get to know her as a lover before you can consider other things, just as she had always been clear and honest with you. I am sure she can appreciate that. Relationships and marriages are about compromises and we all need to make adjustments to make it work. So have thy conversation and give yourselves a chance. Who knows, you might be truly glad you did. If it doesn’t work out too, at least you tried, and that’s all you can do, really.