I’m in my early thirties, specifically 31. I am single with no child. I never thought this would be my life when I was growing up. As a child, I was sure that I would be married at twenty-four. By twenty-five I would start having kids. The plan was to grow together with my children. That way, I wouldn’t now be raising kids in my old age.
This dream of mine is the reason I have always taken my Christian walk seriously. They say God perfects everything in his time. My prayer was that his time would align with mine. After all, the good book says He grants our desires if we are faithful in our walk with him. That is what I have always tried to do.
One thing I never joked with was my sexual purity. In my teens, my peers were going about sowing their wild oats. Any girl who was willing to lay with them was fair game. I did no such thing. As a Christian, I understand there are spirits involved when it comes to physical intimacy. I didn’t want to open up myself to all sorts of demonic attacks. So I took the bold decision to abstain from intimacy until marriage.
After school, I couldn’t get my dream job. The kind that would earn me enough money to marry at the age of twenty-four. It was disappointing but I didn’t give up. A delay does not mean cancellation.
I was not financially stable but I managed to approach a beautiful lady I knew. I proposed love to her and she did not drag her feet before saying yes. I told her about my intentions for marriage. I explained that although I was not ready yet, I was saving money to be ready as soon as possible.
She was happy to hear this. We supported each other as we would have done if we were to be married. We never got intimate but that didn’t stop me from contributing financially to the relationship. We were each other’s ride-or-die until her parents found out about us. They didn’t like my tribe. They didn’t hide that fact when they asked her to end things with me.
We all know how it is to deal with young people in love. My girl refused to leave me. She loved me too much to let go. Her parents also weren’t ready to lose this battle. They took things up a notch when they decided to disown her if she continued with the relationship. How could I win against that? We had no choice but to accept defeat and let them win.
After that relationship, I have not had any meaningful relationship in my life. I have met a woman I was crazy about but she was a single mother who did not want any relationship. The other ladies I met too, never went beyond the talking stage. Most of them left when my tribe came up. Once I mention that I am an Ewe, they disappear.
The few women who made it past the talking stage ended in less than four months. Someone would say maybe I have a bad character. I am not trying to praise myself but I don’t. I don’t offend these women. It’s not even in my nature to do so. Naturally, I am nice, quiet, and calm.
I don’t entertain multiple women at the same time. When I decide to give my affections to one woman, she is all I want. I cherish her and love her with my whole heart. It’s just sad that treating a woman right does not mean they won’t break your heart.
The most recent one really wrecked me. This lady was introduced to me by her relative. All our interactions were on the phone. She told me, “I am tired of playing games all in the name of dating. I am ready to settle down.” That was what I also wanted. I felt we were on the same page then. So I asked that we study each other for marriage. She agreed.
I had not seen her but I did my best to support her financially whenever she was in trouble. The last one was when she contracted candidiasis (white). I gave her money to see a doctor. When she came back she told me about the prescription. I paid for the drugs. I paid for everything she needed until her infection was cured.
READ ALSO: There Is No Joy For A Man Who Marries An Abusive Wife
The day she told me she was cured was the day she told me, “I am trying to love you but it’s not working. I am no longer interested in the relationship.” That’s how our relationship began on the phone and ended on the phone. We never got to see each other. I felt she used me to pay her medical bills. That’s why it hurts so bad.
I had so much hope when I was in my twenties but right now I am tired. I am emotionally, psychologically, and physically drained. I wish I would even forget about relationships entirely but I need a partner.
I Found Him In Church Cheating Instead Of Praying
People don’t believe me when I say I’m single unless those who are closer to me. My life has been work, home, and church. I am a soft-hearted person, very emotional. I need a partner but nothing seems to be working for me. It makes me feel my prayers are not getting answered. So these days I struggle to pray.
No lady can stand somewhere and say I have used and dumped her. On the contrary, it is I who spends my little money on them, only for them to disappear afterwards. Due to my past experiences, I feel like I don’t deserve to be loved because I am too nice. Meanwhile, treating someone, especially, a lady badly is something I dislike in my life but women are too wicked to me. This thing has been eating me up. I think about it and cry but I am tired of my tears. What do I do to change my situation?
— Godsway
This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.
#SB
1. you need a complete overhaul in the way you think about women. Being soft, nice, and emotional is a vulnerability for women. They hate that thing and will continue to dump you.
2. Treat yourself as a priority. To people like you, giving the money to the woman when she comes complaining is what will keep her. Foul. Women will use that money to look good for those who said they didn’t have the money but kept spending on themselves to look good.
3. Stop giving deadlines to yourself. You sound incomplete and needy in your submission. You feel you need a woman to be as complete as a man. That sends desperation signals to all the women you have interacted with. Again they will leave you.
4. Prayers and religion or life choices: I know this is sensitive to you but prayers won’t give you a woman. Your choices will. I don’t want to criticize your faith cos we have been told from childhood that prayers answer it all. If you like, keep praying and don’t do the right thing. Africans have been brainwashed to pray instead of taking action on their life situation. A note: the continent that prays the most is the poorest in the world and its citizens are fleeing to go to those countries that don’t have time to pray. It is your choice.
5. if you need more advice on how to get out of your miserable situation, respond to this comment and we will link up.
Don’t listen to this man o. Continue praying. Those countries that don’t pray and people are fleeing to, they also have the highest suicide rates, the highest murder rates, the highest rape cases and extreme loneliness. Your problem is that you have planned for God. God’s plans for you are different from what you have made with your limited vision and limited knowledge. Know that being patient with God is a virtue that most of us don’t seem to have. Just be yourself around women. Continue to fast and pray, and continue to wait on the Lord. He is faithful, but IN HIS OWN TIME!
Thank you George for this comment. Planning for God struck my heart so deep. I just realized that I’ve been planning for God instead of allowing God to plan for me. I’m married but trying my best to make things work out and it keeps getting out of hand. I want to relax and allow God to take over. I’m drained and tired …
Upon all this issue you mentioned, why do people still flee to them?
Africa doesn’t have much rape cases because your religion suppresses women from coming out to speak. You know the abuse women go through in the hands of men in Africa most of whom cannot even voice it
Anyways, let him continue to pray. We will continue to listen to his story
You’re a smart man. I would love to help you relocate to the USA
George has said it all. Africa is only poor because of our mentality. Just keep on being you. Don’t change to please anyone. Who even said those countries don’t pray? They do.
Page 1 of 3
Dear Godsway,
No, you’re not too nice. Yes, you’re right to dislike treating people (especially women) badly. Yes, you’re doing the right thing by taking your sexual purity seriously and deciding to abstain from intimacy until marriage. You’re correct to entertain just one woman at once, and not double-, triple-, etc. date many women at once. Your personal spiritual and moral convictions are very correct. Please, don’t be discouraged or disheartened. Don’t be tempted to change your good ways because your prayers seem unanswered and your plans are not falling into place. All these difficulties are just for a while. Trust me, but above all, trust Jesus Christ, all these problems will pass. These things you’re doing are the right things to do. Please keep doing them. They are the things that make you a truly good and godly person. They are what makes you acceptable to God.
As I read your story, the inspiration I received is that you’re not listening to the Holy Spirit, who alone can lead you to
Women don’t like nice men my brother.
Page 2 of 3
God’s answers to your prayers. You must allow the Spirit of God to lead you to the right woman, job, etc. That is how God leads true believers in this age of grace (Romans 8:14). For example, your last ‘relationship'(if we can call it that) was initiated by the relative of the woman and it started and ended on the phone. Was God really in it? What you should do is stop relying on your efforts and allow the Lord to lead you. Let His Holy Spirit guide you. Change your prayers from, ‘God, please give me a woman,’ to ‘God, lead me to the woman you have for me.’ Focus on allowing the Holy Spirit to lead you to God’s answers to your prayers. If you submit yourself to His leading, God will give you specific instructions to follow, steps to take, things to do that will result in perfect answers to your prayers. The bible is full of instances of God’s leading by His Holy Spirit. He may give you godly instructions and ideas through impressions in your mind, illumination of scripture passages, dreams,
Page 3 of 3
visions, advice from godly counsellors, the still small voice, etc. However, no matter the means through which you receive the leading of the Holy Spirit, He won’t lead you to sin or to an ungodly, regrettable relationship.
I must say at this point that spiritual adversaries may be at work but following the leading of the Holy Spirit is a sure way of overcoming every problem or trouble, no matter its cause.
Don’t be bothered that processes and steps that work easily for others may seem not to work for you. When you stand for God and what is right and godly, you become a special and unique person in God’s sight and He reserves the best for you. Yes, God is reserving the best for you. I’m sure that as you listen to the Holy Spirit and follow His leading, you’ll find that godly woman with whom you’ll build a Christian home and a godly lineage. You’ll get a good job and everything will glorify God in your life, and leave you with no regrets in this life or hereafter.
God bless you brother.
Dear Godsway, I’d like to meet you. You seem like a nice and selfless person.
Admin, please I can be reached via [email protected]
Godsway kindly link me up on “The Redeemed Soul” on Facebook or Efyarh Borngreat on Facebook…. Don’t hesitate to if you see this please
It’s urgent