Before we got married, we were talking about sex. No, we weren’t doing it. That’s because she wanted to wait until marriage. I loved her very much (I still do) so it was easy for me to respect her decision. She told me, “I have never done it before but I have read a lot of materials on the subject of lovemaking.” She talked about things that gave me the impression that our sex lives would be exciting as a couple.
Just as she talked about the things she was curious to experience, I also talked about the things I liked. “I like it when my woman goes down on me,” I said. She smiled and asked, “How does it feel? Is it better than the actual act? I can’t wait to try it on you.” She said things like this that sounded like music to my ears. I was happy that she wasn’t the kind of woman who lacked both experience and knowledge when it came to matters of intimacy. It was even her eagerness to please, that excited me.
Once in a while, we kissed when we met. Sometimes we would make out. She said she was using me to practice how to kiss and learn the art of foreplay. I also enjoyed being used as a guinea pig. At some point, I started giving her head. She allowed it and I also enjoyed pleasing her so it was a win-win situation for us. She liked it every time I went down there. She would moan, scream, and shake in the throes of passion. When she climaxed, it lasted for long. Despite all this, we never went all the way.
When we finally got married, you can imagine my joy and anticipation. No sex before marriage for all this while, and now we were husband and wife. All the things she enticed me with were now mine for the taking. “She will no longer hold my hand and say, ‘Stop, we can’t go there. We are not married yet.’ She is going to show me everything she read in books,” that was what I thought.
Now here lies the issue, everything my wife learned in theory did not translate to practice after marriage. Ever since we got married, we only made love properly once. Even with that, I had to plead and plead before she allowed it my way. The rest of the days have been dry. I would try to kiss her and she would say no. I would try to touch her and she would object.
Her idea of seduction is to tell me, “There is no need for foreplay. I am already ready for you. Just put it in and do your thing.” How is that romantic? And whenever she says those things, she turns out to be dry. By the time we are done she gets bruised. Then she would go on and complain, “I am in pain.” Every little thing, “You’ve hurt me down there.”
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Her behaviour made me think I had a bad smell somewhere. I got my mouth checked but everything was fine. I asked people around me if I smelled bad and they said I didn’t. So what could be the problem? I have tried to have conversations about this problem with my wife but she insists our sex life is fine with her. I asked her, “What happened to all the romance we enjoyed when we were dating? We were always kissing but now that we are married, we don’t do it anymore.”
It is important to me that things pick up in the bedroom so I sat down and did some research on how to spice things up. We talked about the ideas I found but my wife’s behaviour did not change. We watched movies together so she would see how it’s done. We even watched tutorials but things remain unspiced between us. I know this is a sensitive subject so I do my best to talk about it with patience and care. The last thing I want to do is make her feel bad or spook her.
I know what I like in the bedroom and it’s not what I am experiencing currently. How can I be happy when she won’t go down on me or touch me? She comes through penetration and leaves me hanging with my needs unattended. I love her so much that I don’t have the intention to seek the satisfaction I crave from elsewhere.
I just want to fix what is not working between us. If someone knows a sex therapist they can recommend, I would be grateful. I am willing to even attend seminars on the subject. All I need is for someone to point me in the way I should go. Any other recommendations are welcomed as well. I am ready to do whatever it takes to get to a place of sexual compatibility with my wife.
—Master Jay
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Theintimacymasters on ig should be of help. Regardless, your wife must be open to this help. Good luck!👍🏽
Master Jay if you are in Ghana then you can contact a man at the University of Ghana school of public health (SPH) Legon. His name is Dr Emmanuel Asampong. He will be of tremendous help to you and your wife. His office is located at the Reproductive health unit. SPH is located opposite Noguchi memorial institute some few meters from the UGMC. All the best
The best thing I think you should do is to consider putting on nice perfume when you want to have intimacy with your wife. And also use mouth wash also. And try to bring up a scene which will make her want to have sex with you. And also you have to know how to go about it. It has to be a good moment you are having with her. Be very patient with her also. Also take her to her fav restaurant have fun there and make love to her. It will work like magic. Remember to use mouth wash after eating. I hope this theory helps.
Just remember that foreplay doesn’t start in the bedroom @ night 5 minutes before the main match. Foreplay for women starts in the morning – ” an accidental” brush against her blossom as she passes, a pat on the bottom which becomes a massage with lots of dram or praise of the bottom s softness, a hug which lingers, a kiss on the cheek which slides down to her neck..be creative and playful. Cuddle whilst watching TV. There s no end to the fun you can have which will make your wife relax and be in the mood.
Most women really like to be touched just out of affection. Being touched because you want sex can be a turn off for some.
Also because yourbwife is still new to sex whilst you are not she most likely has a lot of insecurities about whether or not she s doing things the “right” way compared to how your past partners did them.Express praise well when she does something, praise her body and build her confidence