Before we got married, my wife who was then my fiancee started giving me the cold shoulder. Did I fight with her? No. Did I provoke her in any way? No. What did I do to earn that cold treatment? Only the heavens know. She refused to call me for as long as she wanted. When I called her she told me, “Why did you call me? I don’t feel like talking.” When I finally got her to open up to me, she said I offended her in her dream.

“What did I do in your dream that was so bad that you refused to speak to me for days?” I asked her. She told me I jilted her. “What? I am crazy about you. I wouldn’t be marrying you if I wasn’t.” She responded, “In my dream, you didn’t show up at the wedding. I was completely ruined.” I assured her that nothing of the sort would happen. “My dear, if it comes to it I will swim across oceans, climb mountains, and cross deserts to get to you on our wedding day. Nothing will keep me away from marrying you,” I promised.

Four months ago, we had a beautiful ceremony. So many people were gathered to celebrate our love. It was one joyous occasion. It’s only been four months of the marriage but I am already tired. My wife and I live in different regions for work. So we are in a long-distance marriage. Imagine being in a long-distance marriage with a woman who refuses to talk to you. Yes, that’s my marriage.

One thing I have gathered about her is that she is quick-tempered. No, it wasn’t always like this. This nature surfaced ever since she got pregnant. She is ten weeks into the pregnancy journey and it has been one violent outburst and cold treatment after the other. Honestly, I don’t know how to talk to her these days. One wrong thing can lead to a cold war or a torrent of verbal assault. So I am always overthinking things.

I am an introvert who finds it difficult to talk about things that trouble me. Because of this, I haven’t been able to talk about my wife’s behaviour with the people closest to us. Besides, a woman advised me to keep my marital problems between my wife and me. So I have been enduring her behavior. All I ever want is to be happy and have the freedom of mind to be myself, in my marriage and wherever I go. Is that too much to want?

I keep asking myself if this is who she has always been but hid it from me till now. Or maybe, the pregnancy turned her into this person who drains the happiness and peace out of everything and everyone around her. Could you believe she told me, “If your sisters try to fight me, I will match them boot for boot”? She said this unprovoked. I can assure you that my sisters love her and accept her as one of them. Nobody wants to fight with her or has given her a reason to feel that way.

While she likes to get angry over small issues, I barely get angry at her. Even when she does something she feels should make me angry so she starts acting scared, I still don’t get angry. I was hoping my calmness would rub off on her but I have been wrong. I have seen her extreme dramatic display of anger issues ever since we got married. The most recent one has gone on for a month.

We live far apart yet this woman hasn’t picked up her phone to call me for a single day in the span of one month. She won’t even text to ask me, “How are you doing?” If I text her, she would respond as if I am a strange man she is not interested in talking to. It is only when she misses my calls that she would call me back. Sometimes she doesn’t even call back until she needs internet bundle. When I try to have a conversation with her, she will make it obvious that she doesn’t want to talk.

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Is this what the rest of the marriage is going to be like? Or this is only happening because she is pregnant? The last time she left our home to her parents’ place without telling me. When I asked her why she didn’t discuss it with me first, her answer provoked me so much that I just hung up. The fact that she has finally succeeded in getting under my skin means she is doing so much. I am saying this because I am not someone who gets angry easily. When it comes to my wife I don’t get angry at her at all.

I know for sure that if I was as quick-tempered as her and gave her cold treatments as and when I pleased, she wouldn’t enjoy the marriage. While she is busily neglecting me, I am giving her love and protecting her. Not even my mother knows half the things she is doing. That’s because I know my mother loves her. She goes to spend days with my mum even when I am not around. So I don’t want her to look bad in my mother’s eyes, lest she would no longer feel welcomed when she goes to visit.

I feel like I am the only one who cares about the success of this marriage. Last night she got home from work and didn’t even text to say, “K, I am home safely.” I called her but the network was bad. When I texted to check up on her she responded, “Yoo, I am good.” That was the end of the conversation. Honestly, I have regretted this marriage. What do I do? Do I continue to stay and hope she will get better after delivery? Or I should start plotting my exit?

—Kwame

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