When I first met Ataa, I was a teacher in a Senior High School. While she was in the university studying midwifery. She told me stories about how she didn’t have anyone to help her through school. I was so much in love with her so I took it upon myself to support her. I took care of all her financial needs until she completed school. I did all this although we are not married. Her family knows me so I felt that was enough to cement her commitment to me.

After school, she moved in with me and started her national service. This made things so difficult for me because I was the only one who provided everything. I would struggle to make her comfortable, and she would in turn try to push me around. That’s right, she started challenging me about everything especially when it came to house chores.

She wasn’t contributing a penny to running the home yet she expected me to do dishes, clean, and do other things around the house. When I refused to do it, she withheld shuperu from me. I tried to reason with her but she argued, “I also go to work just as you do. So why should I be the only one slaving around the house? I am your girlfriend, not your maid.” No matter what I said, she shut me down.

In December last year, our quarrels became so frequent that we had to break up. We were both heartbroken because we still loved each other. About a week after the breakup, we got together and resolved our differences. She promised to do better so I gave her another chance.

This woman didn’t change one bit. She rather got worse. I would put money down and it would disappear. When I ask her she would tell me stories about how she needed money urgently so she took it. The moment I bring money to our room, she would take it. That aside, she started entertaining other men.

This is how it started. I planned to travel to the UK so we could have a better life. When I told her about it she asked, “Where are you going to get the money to process your documents? You are deep in debt.” She was not wrong. I had taken a lot of loans so my salary never came in full. However, I didn’t need that at that moment. I needed her to believe in my dreams and support me. But that didn’t happen.

Regardless, I started the visa process. I let her know where I got to every step of the journey. Unfortunately, I was denied the visa. She knew about this as well. For some reason, she concluded that our future together would be a poor one. By then too, some doctors and nurses were expressing interest in her. So she started giving me the cold shoulder.

There was a particular doctor she took an interest in. My woman would send photos of herself in different poses to this doctor guy. The kind of conversations they had was just heartbreaking. The most annoying part of all this was that she was pregnant with my child at the time these flirtations were going on.

I sat her down and talked to her about how badly her behaviour was affecting me but she didn’t stop it. I then suggested, “At least tell your in-charge that you are pregnant. That way if it starts interfering with your ability to work, they will understand.” She refused. She chose to hide the pregnancy so that the men who were proposing love to her wouldn’t find out about it.

As time went on, Ataa became very pompous and rude to me. She never listened to anything I had to say, let alone obey me. One time she told me, “When I get a job after my national service, my salary will be higher than yours. You are just a teacher who has only been on government payroll for six years.” I felt like she thought herself better than me. Since then, I have been having second thoughts about the relationship. I know that if she can think like this, then there’s no way she will ever respect me as the head of the family.

Because of this, I didn’t tell her anything when I started my Canada visa application process. And God being so good, I got the visa in February this year. I still didn’t tell her anything.

When I was about to leave the country, I sold my car and gave her GHC5000 to keep for me. Three days after that I told her, “I am going to Accra to see the man who is helping me to secure a job at the ministry of foreign affairs. Please, go with me.” She agreed to go but she had questions, “How long are you planning to stay in Accra that you have all this luggage?” That day I lied to her face, “Oh, they are not mine. I am going to give them to my cousin who is a policeman at Adenta.” She bought my story and we set off.

We alighted at Achimota Melcom around 11:O0 PM, and then I ordered for Uber. The Uber driver upon arrival asked us if we were going to airport Terminal 3, just to confirm. I answered, “Yes, we are going to the airport.” The moment I said this she started shedding crocodile tears. I didn’t mind her. We reached terminal 3 and my cousin who’s a Policeman was there to escort me to do my check-in.

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Now I’ve been in Canada for almost five months and Ataa is eight months pregnant. She started acting well, right after I left. And we have planned that I will help her join me next year.

I work as a general labourer, so my biggest fear is that if I bring her here next year and she secures a job as a midwife, she will leave me. Even if she doesn’t, her pompous and disobedient attitude might return.

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A friend here is telling me it would be better for me to marry a lady here and have her disrespect me than to bring my woman here and have her disrespect me the way she did in Ghana. “When African women come here and know the system, they don’t give their men room to be men,” he said. I have thought about his advice, but I am also thinking about our unborn child.

Is it right to leave the mother of my child after three years of being together, because of her past misbehavior? Or will it be better for everyone if I bring her here and hope she changes? I am so confused about this whole situation. Please advise me.

—Freeman

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