When I first met Ataa, I was a teacher in a Senior High School. While she was in the university studying midwifery. She told me stories about how she didn’t have anyone to help her through school. I was so much in love with her so I took it upon myself to support her. I took care of all her financial needs until she completed school. I did all this although we are not married. Her family knows me so I felt that was enough to cement her commitment to me.
After school, she moved in with me and started her national service. This made things so difficult for me because I was the only one who provided everything. I would struggle to make her comfortable, and she would in turn try to push me around. That’s right, she started challenging me about everything especially when it came to house chores.
She wasn’t contributing a penny to running the home yet she expected me to do dishes, clean, and do other things around the house. When I refused to do it, she withheld shuperu from me. I tried to reason with her but she argued, “I also go to work just as you do. So why should I be the only one slaving around the house? I am your girlfriend, not your maid.” No matter what I said, she shut me down.
In December last year, our quarrels became so frequent that we had to break up. We were both heartbroken because we still loved each other. About a week after the breakup, we got together and resolved our differences. She promised to do better so I gave her another chance.
This woman didn’t change one bit. She rather got worse. I would put money down and it would disappear. When I ask her she would tell me stories about how she needed money urgently so she took it. The moment I bring money to our room, she would take it. That aside, she started entertaining other men.
This is how it started. I planned to travel to the UK so we could have a better life. When I told her about it she asked, “Where are you going to get the money to process your documents? You are deep in debt.” She was not wrong. I had taken a lot of loans so my salary never came in full. However, I didn’t need that at that moment. I needed her to believe in my dreams and support me. But that didn’t happen.
Regardless, I started the visa process. I let her know where I got to every step of the journey. Unfortunately, I was denied the visa. She knew about this as well. For some reason, she concluded that our future together would be a poor one. By then too, some doctors and nurses were expressing interest in her. So she started giving me the cold shoulder.
There was a particular doctor she took an interest in. My woman would send photos of herself in different poses to this doctor guy. The kind of conversations they had was just heartbreaking. The most annoying part of all this was that she was pregnant with my child at the time these flirtations were going on.
I sat her down and talked to her about how badly her behaviour was affecting me but she didn’t stop it. I then suggested, “At least tell your in-charge that you are pregnant. That way if it starts interfering with your ability to work, they will understand.” She refused. She chose to hide the pregnancy so that the men who were proposing love to her wouldn’t find out about it.
As time went on, Ataa became very pompous and rude to me. She never listened to anything I had to say, let alone obey me. One time she told me, “When I get a job after my national service, my salary will be higher than yours. You are just a teacher who has only been on government payroll for six years.” I felt like she thought herself better than me. Since then, I have been having second thoughts about the relationship. I know that if she can think like this, then there’s no way she will ever respect me as the head of the family.
Because of this, I didn’t tell her anything when I started my Canada visa application process. And God being so good, I got the visa in February this year. I still didn’t tell her anything.
When I was about to leave the country, I sold my car and gave her GHC5000 to keep for me. Three days after that I told her, “I am going to Accra to see the man who is helping me to secure a job at the ministry of foreign affairs. Please, go with me.” She agreed to go but she had questions, “How long are you planning to stay in Accra that you have all this luggage?” That day I lied to her face, “Oh, they are not mine. I am going to give them to my cousin who is a policeman at Adenta.” She bought my story and we set off.
We alighted at Achimota Melcom around 11:O0 PM, and then I ordered for Uber. The Uber driver upon arrival asked us if we were going to airport Terminal 3, just to confirm. I answered, “Yes, we are going to the airport.” The moment I said this she started shedding crocodile tears. I didn’t mind her. We reached terminal 3 and my cousin who’s a Policeman was there to escort me to do my check-in.
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Now I’ve been in Canada for almost five months and Ataa is eight months pregnant. She started acting well, right after I left. And we have planned that I will help her join me next year.
I work as a general labourer, so my biggest fear is that if I bring her here next year and she secures a job as a midwife, she will leave me. Even if she doesn’t, her pompous and disobedient attitude might return.
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A friend here is telling me it would be better for me to marry a lady here and have her disrespect me than to bring my woman here and have her disrespect me the way she did in Ghana. “When African women come here and know the system, they don’t give their men room to be men,” he said. I have thought about his advice, but I am also thinking about our unborn child.
Is it right to leave the mother of my child after three years of being together, because of her past misbehavior? Or will it be better for everyone if I bring her here and hope she changes? I am so confused about this whole situation. Please advise me.
—Freeman
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You will forever regret your decision if you send her over……unless you are doing it for your unborn child and don’t care is your woman goes back to her past behaviour or gets worse. But if you are doing it for the hope that she’ll change then forget it. Even here in Ghana where the system is not working mpo see what she does to you, what will happen when she goes there where you can’t lift even a finger at a woman, she’ll use that as an advantage to get worse. You will no longer have a say . Like I said unless you want to do it and expect nothing in return just for the sake of your child because from what I read, that lady cannot change. Any woman that sees herself highly over her man can never change.
Ohhh dear freeman 😔 was all the red flags 🚩 u hv seen not enough for you ? U provide everything and even have a car mpo nie .After all the care from university ? You might be even deported if u don’t reason well now. U can take your child after birth but never fall for her pretence. Don’t let her use you for the second time. Sometimes love is not enough, we must use our brains as well. Get a respectful working lady there and move on .
Bring her over to Canada and regret to the core of your being.A decorated monkey is always a monkey so,don’t make a mistake bro.
Don’t she won’t change. My dear don’t bring her you will regret it . She is just the mother of your child. Are you even sure the child yours. Because all these red flags. People bring their wives and regret and she is not your wife. She is an ungrateful bat and sorry to say this but a bitch. My dear think about yourself. Once a fool always a fool. Open your eyes and brains.
Eeeiii Abrantie, you’ve got all the advices you need already ooo. What is left is common sense activation.
May the universe, slap you with COMMON SENSE asap.
Remain there in Canada alone, play your part in the child’s life and enjoy your peace… Biko.
NB: Most importantly, conduct a DNA on the child during your first visit to Ghana.
You’re a man, drop that useless emotions and think deep. May your ancestors slap you from all angles if you take her to join you up there.
You dont need an advice, you need common sense.
That’s right. He needs common sense
Do it and regret your actions. If I am supposed to be in your shoes, I will send her child support each month until the child is of age that I can take care of then I process whatever document for the child to come stay with me but I don’t know for u. Pls women don’t change, it takes just few and the grace of God to change them and when she has money, her influence is much higher . Don’t make mistakes and bite your finger later. I don’t even know which red flag u want to see. Be there and be blinded by love.
As your name goes, FREEMAN,you don’t want freedom err.Am a woman and the only thing a man needs is Respect. And from your story, don’t let her join you, because she told in the face that after service ,she ll earn more than you, you’ll regret for the rest of your life. Focus on your life and move on with your life. Please your unborn child I don’t think the child is
your,when the the child arrives go for DNA. If the child is yours take care of him and move on.
You’re good man and you deserve better. All the best dear.
Freeman,this lady in question has beeen toxic from the onset,she doesnot respect,doesnot appreciate,and above all she flirts and exhibits infedility.My guy she is definetly not good for you.This is what you have to do;
a)Take care of her and show her love even after delivery.
b)Send he child support immediately after the child is born,never shirk that responsibility.
c)Try and come down to gh to conduct a DNA test to confirm the baby is really yours.If the baby is,continue sending the child support and when he or she grows,you can come for the child, and if otherwise,stop sending it.
Sometimes love alone is not enough ooo.We need to see beyond love and critically access the kind of situation we find ourselves.This lady in question doesnot love you talkless respect for you when you finally settle with her.Find someone who will appreciate u for who you are over there or you can cone for me if you really want a ghanaian because im single lol.Its hard to find a good man out there but your lady found one and is fooling hmmm.Dear I pray God gives you the strenghth cos its painful to kill yourself for someone who doesnot see your worth.This is the sisterly advice I can give you,I will be glad if you heed to it.
FREEMAN, I’m sorry but your name should have been FOOLISHMAN. Ah what kind of stupidity is this? Go and bring her to Canada wai. She’ll dump you, kick you out of your house and process documents for one of the nurses and doctors she was flirting with to come to Canada. S3 w’agyimi so continue this way wai. What charms has she put in your food that u you can’t have ordinary common sense ?
Freeman, don’t be a fool, run a DNA test first wai am begging you paa
gyimiiiiiiiii.
Are you for real, just let her deliver and take custody of ur child,bet you she will come to Canada and even work for you to be deported, trust me,forget her and be de freeman dat you are
Just make sure you take custody of ur child
A man wanted to bring his ex-wife and children to Canada. His first daughter who he had with another woman and was staying in Ghana with the immediate ex-wife told the man (father) not to bring the woman because she had seen red flags that the woman had evil intentions towards him. He didn’t listen and said he had children with the woman so helping her would cost nothing.
He processed PR for her to come with the two children.
When they arrived, the woman reported him to the police for abuse and social services for child support. This happened within the first 6 months after arrival. The man has been given a restraining order to stay away from the children. He was evicted from the house he rented for his so-called family. He had to perch in a friend’s place for a month before he could get a new accommodation for himself and the daughter
As a stance, any money the government pays to the children and the woman, he has to pay it back before he can sponsor another person to Canada.
I am not advising this young man. I live in Canada and know how the system works against men. If he wants, let me bring the woman and the child. We will continue to listen to the regrets. It shows from his write-up that he is thinking with his emotions