We are in the 6th month of our marriage—a marriage that brought me more joy than anything I’ve had recently. We had a rough beginning. It didn’t look like it was going to be so when finally she said “I do” to me on the altar, my heart leaped for joy knowing how far we had come. The first challenge of our relationship came from her father. He looked at me and said, “Man you’re a calm person but your tribe record is a proof that you’re not going to be a better man to my daughter. I will say no to you based on that. If I were you, I wouldn’t spend a dime of my time watering dead plants. I will move on.”

His honesty was something I appreciated very much. Some parents won’t talk about it. They will just fight you from behind the scene. You wouldn’t know the reason for the fight but they’ll fight you until you give up. This man was very straightforward to me so I decided to spend my days convincing him—I wanted him to know that I will be a better man to his daughter, regardless of tribal differences. 

Each time I went to their house, it was the father I went to see. One day he told, “Young man, you really have a strong will. You think I will change my mind? Those who came before me didn’t change their mind about you guys because they knew the harm you could cause.” I said, “We are not the same. I’m not saying I’m a better person than anyone from my tribe. I’m saying if you give me the chance to prove myself, you’ll know I’m not a bad bad person.” 

Regardless of the father’s resistance, Joyce’s mother was very supportive of us. She’ll tell me, “Don’t mind that old man. He’s acting under the influence of andropause. Will he get a man like you to chase after his daughter? Go ahead. Love all you can, he can’t change what the Lord has willed.” When we faced resistance from her father, her mother became the calm water that urged us on.

We were four months in a relationship when Joyce told me, “No don’t go there. I haven’t done it before and I’m not going to start now.” I said, “Are you serious? Twenty-eight years and you still haven’t broken down your walls?” She said, “Yes I haven’t because I’m reserving it all for the man who will end up marrying me.” I joked, “So now that you’ve met the man you will marry, what are you going to do?” She said, “The man hasn’t married me yet so I’m going to maintain my stand until he does the right thing.” I doubted her at first. She knew too much for someone who hadn’t done it before. She had special powers in her kisses (Yes, she allowed kissing) and she knew where to touch to calm raging nerves. 

Each day after kissing I will ask her, “You are sure you haven’t done it before.” She will answer, I don’t know how I’m going to prove that to you but trust me. This is not something one can lie about. If we end up getting married, you’ll get your receipt and you’ll believe me.” I was fighting a father who wouldn’t give me a mustard seed of chance into his family. The daughter that was supposed to be the calm in the midst of the storm was also giving me another form of storm to deal with. I couldn’t complain. Love is always like that. There are stumbling blocks to conquer. There are human blocks to jump over. There are attitudinal troubles to deal with. 

I’m not too sure about the stage Joyce’s father started shifting his grounds to accommodate me. It started very slowly until it became noticeable clear that I’ve won over him. He called me Champion. He said, “Champion, so you won’t change your mind? You’ve decided to waste time in my house?” I laughed about it. I said, “I know you’ll change your mind about me. You’re too good to stand in the way of your son. I trust you.” One evening Joyce called me. I could hear the voice of her mother behind her saying something like, ”Tell him what your father said.” I asked her, “What did your father say?” She said, “Last night he told my mother that he’s no longer going to stand in our way. We should do whatever we want but when trouble comes, we shouldn’t involve him.”

That was the first sign of victory. After three years of being together, he totally let things go and gave us his blessings. Today, we are the best of friends. 

Our wedding was simple. We planned it that way and ensured it wouldn’t be something that will eat into our pockets. Two things were on my mind during the wedding ceremony. Two questions actually; “How do you start a thing of such nature with someone who hadn’t done it before?” The second thing on my mind was, “What if she lied? What will I do if she lied?” I told myself, “I don’t think she would. If it was a lie she would have told me long ago when she realized that we were about getting married.”

Wedding done. Honeymoon started. She looked at me like she was scared. I said, “What?” She said, “So I can’t look at you again?” I said, “It’s like you’re scared of something.” She said, “No, I’m only thinking.” I said, “What are you thinking about?” She said, “Nothing, let’s forget about it.” I pressed, ”No I want to know what is on your mind.” She said, “There’s nothing on my mind. I’m tired. I just want to sleep.”

In the morning she asked me, “You believe me now?” I said, “If I ever had doubt about you, we wouldn’t have come this far. It wasn’t about whether or not you’ve done it before. What brought us this far is love and your kind nature so don’t think I was eager to know. It didn’t matter to me.” Well, it didn’t matter because I found out to be true. 

But is it possible for something to be true and a lie at the same time?

This is hard to talk about. It happened as an accident. She’s still tight so I struggle to get in. Weeks ago, it slipped and it accidentally entered from behind. It went in straight without any resistance. I wasn’t sure where I was but there was some difference. I checked. It was true. I was in the wrong place. She didn’t complain. She kept going until she realized that I’ve slowed. Then she screamed, “Ajei! Ajei!! Ajei!! you’re hurting me. It’s painful. Is that place also part of it.”

READ ALSO: My Mom is Cheating on My Dad And She’s Not Hiding It From Me

I looked at her lying face. I went into the bathroom, washed down, and came back to sleep. She asked, “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you? Talk to me. Why are you making me feel bad? Sorry, I didn’t know that place is also part. You know it’s my first time.” Darling talk to me. Why are you behaving like that?” All I said was, “I’m just tired. I want to sleep.”

Early morning we talked about it. She said, “I swear I haven’t done it there before. Even front I didn’t do it, how much more the back? I was hurting. I told you I was hurting. I don’t even know it’s possible to go there.” I said, “Joyce, the first time is always hard but this just went in straight. It can’t be the first time. You didn’t tell me the whole truth. Accept it and let’s move on. We are too young to have ghosts in our cupboard.” She started crying. She started swearing on anything she could name that it has never happened before. 

Now I’m confused. Is it possible? Maybe I’m the one who doesn’t know much so please tell me. I look at her suspiciously. I don’t trust her. She has given me 6 as 9. We are not happy because she is not ready to tell the truth. Maybe there are people like my wife. Even the first time is still easy. Tell me about it. Thank you. 

–Champion

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG