I have already had two failed relationships. The last one lasted for seven years. I sponsored her to go into hairdressing. And took care of her financial needs throughout her apprenticeship. After she graduated, she broke up with me for no reason. I was completely broken. I almost lost faith in love. But time taught me to put myself back out there again. So I picked up my broken pieces and carried on.
Now, I am with a very good girl. She is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of girl. She treats me like a king and does everything to make me happy. She is as committed to making our relationship work as much I am. She knows about the pain I endured in my past, and she has promised to always stay by my side.
She has just graduated from a nursing college and preparing to start her national service. I have really supported her in so many ways. And I have done my possible best for her in any way I can. I’ve never denied her anything she asks.
She knows that I am good to her. She tells me this all the time. Her mother also tells me. Although I am glad that they appreciate my support, I am not doing it to impress them. I chose to do it because Grace is a good girl. I believe girls like her deserve all the help they can get so they can go ahead and change the world.
My problem now is that her dad is trying to use his retirement benefit to push her abroad. They have started the process but they haven’t finished yet. Grace has kept me updated on every progress they’ve made thus far. Her mother and siblings know that we are together so they also trust me with everything they are doing. Her father, on the other hand, doesn’t know anything about me. This is because her parents are separated.
She and her mum never hid anything from me. They told me their needs and what they expected of me. For instance, she made it clear to me that I would bear the cost of her medicals, police clearance and other bills that would come along with processing her travel documents.
I don’t mind footing the bill for the things she listed. However, I can’t stop thinking about the fact that ninety-nine percent of such relationships don’t work out. And in most of the situations too, it is the one who leaves the country who dumps the person they left behind. I didn’t want to be a victim of such a situation so I told her, “I want to perform your marriage rites before you travel. That way our relationship will be official.”
She answered, “Babe, trust me. I want to make things official too but I am scared. My father is using all his savings to sponsor me. How can I go and tell him that I have a boyfriend?” She went on to say that she will let him know about me after she leaves the country. That and only then, can we get married.
I am insecure about all of this but she has made me so many promises that she will never break up our relationship. Her mother has also promised to protect our relationship. But I am still afraid that I will lose her when she leaves.
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My woman has tried every possible way to convince me that the relationship is never going to break up no matter what but I am still not convinced. Because I have read too many stories of relationships that ended because one person travelled abroad. Some of these situations too I have seen them with my own eyes.
I don’t want to wait around and become a victim so I’m thinking about breaking up with her gradually. I have started by withdrawing the support I render her. My heart is gradually withdrawing from the relationship as well. That way, I won’t be left heartbroken.
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The fact is I would have been okay if we were married. That way I would know she would come back to me. As for boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, there’s no assurance that she will always be mine. That’s why I am so scared of the future.
She doesn’t want to understand my concerns so I have decided to stop wasting my resources on her. I will no longer consider her my responsibility. Whatever she needs, I won’t spend money providing it. She is on her own now. I want to know if I am overreacting or if I made the right decision. Please advise me.
—Jean
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You’re right in every sense, a relationship shouldn’t be favor one person but should favor both parties, you all strive together to make it whole, but she’s rather thinking about herself, by stating that she can only be yours in terms of marriage, once she left the country, my brother Advice urself since her dad is not aware of your relationship, how sure are you that you’re safe with this lady, just love is not enough but understanding each other for the benefit of you all.
I don’t see the problem here. Get a family member and go and see her father, after all she will get married some day. The father is the key.
She doesn’t want you to marry her because she thinks she’ll find a better guy abroad. Otherwise she woulda been happy to let you marry her. She’s not scared of losing you when she travels because she doesn’t want you. And mind you, they’re keeping you updated because they need you to pay bills for her to travel.
If her dad wants to sponsor her abroad, why do you need to be the one paying for Medicals and police report. My man, you’ve already lost the girl and you’re playing smart by not continuing to be her ATM machine. Stick to your decision.
Please put your Mr Otua days behind you! Otherwise, sooner than later you are going to find yourself back here. Dating does not mean adopting someone’s daughter as your responsibility. Why are you also not investing in developing yourself? Invest in a business or side-hustle if schooling is not your thing. Buy a plot of land and start building, do SOMETHING with your money! If your woman takes a step forward and she sees that you have not taken any step forward she will become disillusioned with you and either leave you or cheat on you. A word to the wise…
Well, once bitten twice shy. You may be right but if she does not like you and wants away from the relationship it would not matter whether she has traveled abroad or not she will leave the relationship. The seven years relationship, and sponsoring her to learn a trade, the lady did not travel abroad, yet she left you and broke your heart.
Look at things from your lady’s perspective as well. Like she said, her father is into sending her abroad, big time, then she goes to him with marriage, hm, you may end up being disliked by the father. He is spending his pension to send her outside of the country and you are distracting her with marriage, that will be his conclusion.
Give her a chance because if she stays in the country and does not want you she can still breakup with you.
Keeping Fingers crossed, though. All the best.
Seth, don’t you see an obvious red flag with a daughter who is of age and yet keeping her relationship secret from her dad, especially with a man who is assisting her to achieve the father’s dream for his daughter, that is, travelling abroad? One day you will be a father, right? Ask yourself if you have such a scheming daughter how will you feel? Our elders say “Abaa a’yε de bɔ Takyi no yε de bεbɔ Baah” to wit you reap what you sow! Today it is the father that is at the receiving end of the schemes of the daughter and x-wife. Tomorrow it will be your turn with a woman who will see nothing wrong is deceiving you. Karma, they say, is a bitch! Maybe you need to find out why her parents are separated.
Boss, a very good decision you’ve made. Trust your instincts.
Pls, stick to your decision.
This isn’t about being selfish. You have learned from your previous experience.
Best of luck.