I have already had two failed relationships. The last one lasted for seven years. I sponsored her to go into hairdressing. And took care of her financial needs throughout her apprenticeship. After she graduated, she broke up with me for no reason. I was completely broken. I almost lost faith in love. But time taught me to put myself back out there again. So I picked up my broken pieces and carried on.

Now, I am with a very good girl. She is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of girl. She treats me like a king and does everything to make me happy. She is as committed to making our relationship work as much I am. She knows about the pain I endured in my past, and she has promised to always stay by my side.

She has just graduated from a nursing college and preparing to start her national service. I have really supported her in so many ways. And I have done my possible best for her in any way I can. I’ve never denied her anything she asks.

She knows that I am good to her. She tells me this all the time. Her mother also tells me. Although I am glad that they appreciate my support, I am not doing it to impress them. I chose to do it because Grace is a good girl. I believe girls like her deserve all the help they can get so they can go ahead and change the world.

My problem now is that her dad is trying to use his retirement benefit to push her abroad. They have started the process but they haven’t finished yet. Grace has kept me updated on every progress they’ve made thus far. Her mother and siblings know that we are together so they also trust me with everything they are doing. Her father, on the other hand, doesn’t know anything about me. This is because her parents are separated.

She and her mum never hid anything from me. They told me their needs and what they expected of me. For instance, she made it clear to me that I would bear the cost of her medicals, police clearance and other bills that would come along with processing her travel documents.

I don’t mind footing the bill for the things she listed. However, I can’t stop thinking about the fact that ninety-nine percent of such relationships don’t work out. And in most of the situations too, it is the one who leaves the country who dumps the person they left behind. I didn’t want to be a victim of such a situation so I told her, “I want to perform your marriage rites before you travel. That way our relationship will be official.”

She answered, “Babe, trust me. I want to make things official too but I am scared. My father is using all his savings to sponsor me. How can I go and tell him that I have a boyfriend?” She went on to say that she will let him know about me after she leaves the country. That and only then, can we get married.

I am insecure about all of this but she has made me so many promises that she will never break up our relationship. Her mother has also promised to protect our relationship. But I am still afraid that I will lose her when she leaves.

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My woman has tried every possible way to convince me that the relationship is never going to break up no matter what but I am still not convinced. Because I have read too many stories of relationships that ended because one person travelled abroad. Some of these situations too I have seen them with my own eyes.

I don’t want to wait around and become a victim so I’m thinking about breaking up with her gradually. I have started by withdrawing the support I render her. My heart is gradually withdrawing from the relationship as well. That way, I won’t be left heartbroken.

The fact is I would have been okay if we were married. That way I would know she would come back to me. As for boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, there’s no assurance that she will always be mine. That’s why I am so scared of the future.

She doesn’t want to understand my concerns so I have decided to stop wasting my resources on her. I will no longer consider her my responsibility. Whatever she needs, I won’t spend money providing it. She is on her own now. I want to know if I am overreacting or if I made the right decision. Please advise me.

—Jean

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