We had dated for only one week when we had our first fight. She came to my place one evening and met a lady in my room watching Netflix. I live in the same house with this lady and she comes around very often to watch series. I’ve never looked at her and thought, “Wow, this lady is so fine I wish she was my girlfriend.” Never! She’s just a neighbor who had become a friend. She cooks and sends some my way. She goes out shopping and I add my list to hers. When I wash and the weather gets cloudy, she will take my laundry off the line and fold it for me.

That’s the kind of vibe we’ve had. We help each other so when she started coming to my room to watch movies, I took it as something normal until Efe walked on us that evening. She expected the lady to excuse us but she didn’t leave until she finished watching what she was watching. She suspected I had something doing with the girl. I swore I had nothing going on with her.

She asked, “So why would she be in my man’s room watching a movie till that late?” I said, “She comes around often. She’s nothing to me apart from the fact that she’s a neighbor.” She said, “I’m a woman and I see it when my fellow woman is interested in a man. See how she was looking at you. See the proximity between you two when I walked in. You might not like her but what if she does?” I said, “We’ve been like this for a very long time and nothing has happened. I doubt she has that kind of intention.”

She said, “Today should be her last time being here. Tell her your girlfriend doesn’t like it. If it’s Netflix she wants, she should go and get some.” I didn’t agree with her. I told her I couldn’t stop her from coming but I will instead cut down on how late she stays when she comes around. She got angry. She said, “It’s clear you’ve chosen her over me. Live with her then.” She stormed out of the door and no amount of persuasion could bring her back.

For a whole week, this girl didn’t pick my call. I had to go to her house to beg her before she would talk to me. That night when we made up, everything we did was supper. She was a girl on a mission that night. The touch felt different. The kisses lasted longer and the distin went on and on until we couldn’t stand on our legs. She said, “I missed you. I said, “You got me worried. I thought I’d lost you.” She said, “I was angry. Forgive me. I don’t think this will happen again. That we’ll go for a week without talking to each other.” I said, “It shouldn’t happen again because that’s not how lovers live.”

We brushed that episode of our lives to the corner and continued living. We had fun and lived like there was no tomorrow. We survived a year and had a mini party to celebrate it. My neighbor didn’t stop coming to watch Netflix but as I said, I made sure that by 7pm she would be out of my room. The most important thing was, I made her understood that my girlfriend didn’t like her presence in my room. She said, “She’s right. I would have acted the same way if I found a girl in my boyfriend’s room.”

One Evening, Efe was around when my neighbor walked in. She was bringing me food. Efe got angry again. She screamed, “She even comes to your room without knocking? Is that where you two have reached?” For two weeks we never talked. She didn’t pick my calls until she felt she had punished me enough so she started talking to me.

That wasn’t the only fight we had. What I didn’t understand was the fact that whenever she erred, I forgave her easily without making a fuss about it but when I killed a fly, she’ll scream and shout, “Why kill my favorite fly?” And that would end up in a fight which will extend till forever. I didn’t like that aspect of her. So, I told her, “Why do you always fight for so long? Can’t you see you’re affecting us in a wrong way?” She was sober and reflective when she said, “I’m working on it. It’s something I picked from my mother but it’s about time I dropped it.”

Four days later our next fight happened. Again, she got angry. Again, she wouldn’t pick my calls. I tried for two days and I stopped. I said, “I’m sick and tired of always begging. She should go to hell this time.” I didn’t call again and she never called. Two weeks later, she never called. Three weeks went by and she never called. Four weeks later, my heart was almost breaking so I put the pride aside and went to her house. Immediately she saw, she lowered her head, like she was embarrassed about something. I asked, “Are we still together?” She said, “You tell me.”

We made up again and again, everything felt like brand new; the kiss, the touch, the love, the passion. She said, “I felt very lonely. I was looking for someone to. I was missing you but I couldn’t call. I thought you won’t pick. I thought we were over. One night I was so lonely I called Sammy to visit me. You see how far you drove me?”

Sammy was the guy she left for me—her immediate ex. The mentioning of his name drew some sort of curiosity in me. I asked, “Did he come?” She said, “Yeah he came. He took me out and brought me back home later but trust me, nothing happened.”

No, I didn’t trust her.

So, when I got the chance, I went through her phone. I found the chat between her and Sammy. They started talking a week after our fight. They talked about meeting for days before they finally did. After the meeting, Sammy asked, “That’s that mean we are back together?” She answered, “No, I told you I have a boyfriend, remember?” He answered, “But if you’ll cheat on him with me, then you don’t love him that much? Why don’t we come back together?” She answered, “We are having problems and we haven’t talked for a long while. I’ve been lonely that’s why I called you.”

He asked, “So you guys are over or what?” She answered, “Maybe. Maybe not.” Sammy said, “I’m always here for you, remember.”

I got so pissed off. I showed her the chat and asked why she could do that to me. She started apologizing. I screamed, “I thought you said nothing happened?” She continued apologizing. “Does that mean you’ve been running to him each time we’ve had issues?” She said, “No I’ve never done that. It was only this time that I did. I’m sorry. I was stupid. Please forgive me.” It was my turn to be angry. I pushed her out of my house.

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It’s been three weeks since this incidence. She calls me every day and I don’t pick. She texts to tell me she is sorry. I don’t respond. She sends voice notes each night begging me not to leave her, I don’t send one back.

I thought our relationship was over but I’ve been thinking a lot about us lately. I still love her but I can’t wrap my head around what she did. But through all this, what impresses me most is her desire and zeal to get us back together. This is a girl who wouldn’t pick my calls no matter who was wrong but now she calls every day, texting and sending voice notes. She sounds remorseful. She sounds depressed because of this. I’ve also not been myself since then. I want to give her another chance but I feel I would be stupid to do that. Would you have given her another if it was you? I really want to but it’s hard.

–Godsave

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