She is a new hire at my workplace. She joined us less than six months ago. I am always so busy with work that I barely pay attention to who is new. So I honestly didn’t notice the first week she joined us. It was in the second week that she asked me for directions to one of our departments. I showed her the place and went my way.

The next time she saw me she smiled shyly and said, “Hi!” I smiled back, said “Hello,” and kept walking. This became a thing. The shy smiles, barely audible “Hi”s and “Hello”s. Maybe I would have left it like that. But she decided she wanted more from me.

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I wear kaftans to work. It’s my style. Even when I get invited to events or church, I show up in a kaftan. That was the first thing she complimented about me — my fashion sense. Then she asked if she could have my number. I said no problem.

Most of the time, she would send messages asking questions about our work, the office culture, and things she could do to make her stand out. I was always ready to assist her answer all her questions.

As time went on, she started asking me personal questions about my life. “Are you married?” When I said no she responded, “How come a man your age is not yet married? Do you not like women?” I smiled and said, “Of course, I like women.”

When she said a man my age, she meant I am in my mid-thirties. Truly, I felt ready for a committed relationship leading to marriage. However, I had suffered a series of disappointments in the past. So I had tucked my heart away. I didn’t want to give it to anyone until I was sure that the person was ready for marriage.

I explained this to Jessica when she said she liked me. She said, “I want to get to know you better and see if we can be more than friends.” This is not the first time I have had women make the first move. However, I was taken aback by Jessica’s boldness. The fact that she seemed so young and I hadn’t even made any attempt to show interest in her surprised me.

I remember asking her, “How old are you?”
“I am 23,” she responded.

“You are too young for me,” I told her.

“I am a Gen Z. I don’t care if you are forty or fifty. If I like you, I like you. And you’ve caught my eye, Ivan.”

I hadn’t paid attention to her in an amorous way but her boldness impressed me. I told her I was looking for something serious. “I want to settle down. Are you ready to make that kind of commitment?” She said yes. So I gave her a chance.

The early days of the relationship were fun. I took her out to lunch whenever we were at work. We would talk, laugh, eat from the same plate and even sometimes share drinks from the same cup. You should see us, you would either hate us or wish you had what we had. We were “that” couple.

Our first intimacy happened when she invited me to her place for dinner. She cooked something delicious, smelled really sweet, and threw herself all over me. I knew she wanted it but was too nervous to make the first move. So I kissed her. The look of pure joy on her face infected my heart with happiness. I told myself, “This is it. I have finally found a woman who truly loves me.” That night was otherworldly.

Unfortunately, the entire relationship lasted for three weeks. She just started getting busy all of a sudden. I would go to her office and she would tell me she wasn’t free to go to lunch. I would try to see her outside work but she would give me excuses.

I travelled out of town for a work assignment for three days. The entire time I was there she didn’t talk to me. When I came back she was extra busy. After work, she would leave before I would even get to her office.

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In hindsight, I should have walked away then. But I had also fallen in love with her at that point so it was quite difficult. I kept trying and hoping to get her attention so we could at least talk about what the problem was. Sadly, nothing I tried worked.

It’s been two months since she ghosted me and I still don’t know what I did wrong. When she sees me at work, she smiles, says “Hi,” and then rushes past me. If there are other colleagues around, she talks to me as if nothing ever happened between us.

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At my age, I have seen a lot of breakups, but this one still keeps me up at night. All because of how it all ended. Sometimes I feel used. The fact that she was the one who said she wanted me, and then all of a sudden she was gone without an explanation.

I keep asking myself if that is how Gen Z women do it. Do they just do it for a short time and then disappear when they’ve satisfied their curiosity? Ah well, I wish her well but I don’t think I will give my heart to a younger woman again.

—Ivan

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