You meet a girl today, propose to her tomorrow and she comes to the relationship with rules and regulations based on how her ex treated her. She treats you as an extension of her ex and makes sure that she corrects the mistake she did with her ex through you. That’s exactly what Jacinta wanted to do with me. She had been out of a bad relationship not too long ago and wanted to use me to correct her mistakes.

When she accepted my proposal, she told me, “No sex until marriage.” I asked why and she explained; “You guys are all the same. You pursue us promising heaven on earth but once we give you sex, which is the ultimate reason for coming into our lives, you change. This time around, I will wait until marriage before I do that.”

She was twenty-three and spoke with the voice of inexperience. I told her I didn’t come because of shuperu. She told me, “Then you shouldn’t worry if you don’t get it.” I told her, “I would be worried because it’s part of the package and it looks like you’re taking it off the table because of how a previous guy treated you. That means I’m paying for someone else’s mistake. That is not fair.”

We argued about this for days, weeks actually. She wasn’t ready to listen to me so I stopped bothering her. I loved her, sex or not, she was the girl I fell for.

Four months or so into the relationship, I tried my luck and she bounced me. I thought I’d done enough to prove to her that I indeed loved her. I thought I’d earned the right to ask for shuperu but she didn’t think I’d earned it. She thought I was being nice and all because of the absence of shuperu. I told her, “If I don’t love you, taking away shuperu won’t change anything. I can stick around till I get it and still treat you badly. Even marriage won’t change that so please soften up.”

That’s when she said something I thought was outrageous. She told me, “If you need it that much then you have to pay for it. Yes. He who calls out the tunes has to pay the piper.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, I’m serious. That way, even if you change, and later leave me, I know I’ve been sorted out already.”

“That sounds like prostitution, isn’t it?”

“That’s why prostitutes don’t get hurt after sleeping with them.”

I thought she was playing until it got to that point where I needed her badly. She stretched her hand and asked for the money. I asked how much and she told me, “Just something small. GHC200 will do.” I gave it to her before we had our first shuperu.

Honestly, I thought it was a joke. I thought before she leaves my house, she’ll give me back the money and tell me it was all a joke or a trick or something. She didn’t give me the money. She dressed up and walked away as if nothing had happened. She was my girlfriend. I was playing the role of a loving boyfriend. I took her out often. I bought her gifts. She didn’t ask for favors from me but I provided them even when she hadn’t asked for them. I thought that should earn me the shuperu but she charged for it as if it didn’t come with the package.

I wasn’t happy with her and I told her about it. She defended her stand. That the money will serve as a deterrent. “If you have to pay before you get it, then you will treat it with respect.”

The amount wasn’t fixed. If in the middle of the action, I requested something new, she would tell me, “That would cost you more. It’s not part of what you paid for. Sometimes I got angry and stopped midway. She would lay there and laugh at me. “Are you angry?” She would ask me. I’m only playing with you.” Obviously, she was having fun but I wasn’t. The one who pays obviously can’t see it as fun. Money is blood and no one throws their blood away.

Apart from that, she was a good person. She comes home on weekends to help clean my place for me. If there was some food I wanted, she would cook it for me or cook from her house and bring it to me. I’ve never had a woman do that for me. She was like the fire and water at the same time. I didn’t know which side of her I enjoyed the most; the water or the fire. All I knew was, I wanted sex without paying for it but she wasn’t ready to do that.

I told her, “You’re pushing me to cheat on you.” She responded, “Cheating is a choice. I won’t be the one to push you. You’ll decide to do it but let me remind you. The day I catch you cheating, I’ll walk away.” I screamed, “Then stop charging me for shuperu.” She laughed; “But if you cheat with another girl won’t you pay her? Won’t you take her out? Won’t you buy her nice things? That’s how you men behave and later complain about not having money. Go ahead “

I found another girl. She was just as good-looking. I won’t say I loved her but I saw her as an opportunity to get shuperu for free. I proposed and she said yes. At first, I was scared Jacinta would find out and leave but as time went on, this new girl proved to be everything and more. She didn’t have the space Jacinta had in my life so she couldn’t do much. I couldn’t take her home. I couldn’t be with her often. I was hiding her but she didn’t complain. She took the little I could give and run with it. While Jacinta was being my Alomo Gyata, this new girl was just being fun and sweet.

There’s something about sex that we normally don’t talk about. No two sex are the same. What Jacinta gave me wasn’t the same as what I got from the new girl. Though I was having it for free from the new girl, I was paying for it every now and then with Jacinta. I was cheating. I was losing money. The only person who was earning in the triangle was Jacinta. After every round, she would ask me, “Are you keeping count of how much you’ve paid in total? One day I’ll tell you and it will burst your mind.”

One day she caught me real-handed and I couldn’t explain away her fears. The defence I put up was weak but it was all I could come up with; “It’s your fault. You pushed me into it. I couldn’t pay as much as I wanted it. I needed a spare. It’s your fault.”

The exchange wasn’t as calm as you read it. She was shaking. It was obvious she felt let down and it went deeper than I thought it could ever go. I apologized. The way she cried, I thought that was going to be the turning point in our relationship; she’ll accept my apology but she’ll also mend her ways. She’ll give it to me without asking me to pay.

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She accepted my apology but walked out of the relationship as she promised. We had done a year and some months. I begged her to stay. I promised I would leave the new girl and not go back again. She didn’t listen. That day she came home with food; two different stews and a pizza she bought on the way. She packed everything back into her bag and left.

A few days later, she called. When I picked up the phone I said, “Please I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” She asked, “Can you send me your bank details? I don’t want to pay MoMo charges.” I was like, “Bank details for what? What are you using it for?” She answered, “Don’t worry. I know what to do.”

She cut the line while I was still begging her not to leave me. One evening, she opened my door and threw a brown envelope at me. She didn’t come inside. She was standing outside screaming; “That’s everything you paid. I didn’t spend a penny. I was always going to give it back to you. Keep your money but don’t forget to add it to our story when telling your friends why we broke up. Don’t let them think you left me because I behaved like a prostitute. You didn’t pay me for sex. I was only playing with you.”

Some women leave and they don’t look back no matter how hard you try. They may pick up the call when you call them. They may respond to your text when you text them. Some days they will even call to check up on you but will never resume a relationship with you. Jacinta is like that.

She doesn’t sound bitter. She talks to me nicely. At some point, I begged her to come for the money because it was hers. I asked for a date and she met me. I apologized once again and she accepted the apology but to come back into my life, she said, “Lie-lie.”

What Would You Say To An Ex Who Wants A Comeback? | Beads Media

I’m still with the girl she caught me with but I’m always looking back to see if I can get Jacinta back. She’s a good girl. I feel like I’ve lost a diamond. But why didn’t she tell me she was saving the money for me? Why did she make things look difficult when indeed it was for my good? I regret a lot but I’m not going to get her back so I’ll learn to move on with this one. Who knows, she could be the one. Love is a twisted story. You lose someone you love so you can meet the one meant for you. Maybe this is my story.

—Solo

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