Belinda and I were madly in love. I am not using the word, madly, lightly. People in my life used to tell me, “Jason, you love this girl too much. What did she do to you?” I would laugh and tell them, “You should also ask me what I did to her. Because she also loves me so much.” We went everywhere together. We did everything together. She was everything to me.
We were both young at the time. I was even in school. However, we always said that we would eventually get married. All we needed was some time and a little patience. “As soon as I complete school and start working, we will start planning our future together,” I often assured her. She stood by me and gave the impression that she believed the dream I had for us.
One day I texted my girl and she didn’t respond. I called her but she did not pick up. It took a while before I finally heard from her. I asked her if everything was okay and she said yes. Her behaviour continued the next day and the days that followed. She would take forever to return my calls and respond to my messages.
I tried not to make a thing out of it but the transition was too much. One moment we were as thick as thieves, but the next moment we were like grains of rice scattered across the floor. No connection. Barely any communication. I started to feel cold in the relationship. As if I was in the relationship all by myself.
I sat her down and asked her, “What’s going on? Did I do anything wrong? I want to know what the problem is so we can fix it.” She shook her head and said there was no problem. I repeatedly asked but she insisted we were fine. When I complained about the distance that was growing between us, she said she would change.
As time passed, things only got worse. I found myself begging several times for her attention on so many occasions. Each time I was met with nonchalance. When I realised there was no way she was going to change, I accepted that the relationship was over. I had no other choice but to move on with my life.
A few months after the breakup, she got married to another man. It all made sense then. All the attention she was not giving me, someone else was getting it. I was in school so I couldn’t have married her at the time that man married her. A classic case of, don’t let your boyfriend stop you from meeting your husband. It’s fun when people say it but it hurts like hell when you find yourself being dumped for someone else.
Healing was not an easy journey but I went through it. When the pain got bad, I would think about my future and then pick a book to study. Sometimes it worked as a good distraction. Other times I was too distracted to absorb anything.
Along the line, I heard Belinda was pregnant. I felt robbed. That was our dream she was giving to another man, you know. When she delivered a baby boy, I heard the news. I was happy for her but I didn’t reach out to congratulate her. I decided to stay in my corner and mind my business.
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Two years later, Belinda was in my Facebook inbox trying to get my attention. “I am sorry for the way I treated you in the past. Please find a place in your heart to forgive me,” she begged. I accepted her apology, told her I had forgiven her long ago and that I held nothing against her. That should have been it but she wanted more.
She asked if I could take her back and love her the way I once did. I had a lot of questions. Where was her husband? Where was her child? However, I didn’t want to get into it. I felt she chose her path and it was none of my business how it turned out. I also didn’t want to complicate my life with ghosts from the past. So I just ignored her messages.
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She sent her sister and her friends to talk to me but I didn’t mind them. One day Belinda sent me a message asking, “Jason, what do you want me to do for you to truly forgive our past and be mine again?” I told her, “Live your life. Forget I ever existed.” She responded, “If that’s what you want then okay.” Two days later, I heard the news of her demise. They said she did it to herself. Poison.
To date, I regret our last conversation. But I didn’t think I had any other options at the time. I didn’t want her back and I was honest about it. However, some people in her life blame me for her death. They said I judged her harshly, and that contributed to the choice she made. I have been thinking about this whole situation, trying to make sense of it. I ask myself if truly I pushed her to her grave. Most people said I did. Do you think it’s true? Did I do anything wrong by being honest about what I wanted?
— Jason
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You did nothing wrong. Like you said earlier she chose her own path. Your conscience is clean. She is a ghost of your past so let it remain so. As for the naysayers shut them down from life. I hope you are at peace mentally and emotionally now. And with your ex may she rest in eternal peace.
Bro, you did absolutely nothing wrong and tlurr should never blame urself for her death. I went through the same thing with the behavior and how she left you for another man. Mine, was sleeping with married men and at times will run it on my face. I was foolish enough to take her back. Guess what, she never stopped. You know that kinda feelings when you love someone so much, you don’t know how to end things and how to start afresh if you eventually decided to end things? That’s exactly what happened. So it got bad and she never cared, called my cousin abroad, lied to him, tel her friends I was this and that. So later on she started ignoring my calls, msgs(foolish me, yeah call me that. I acted like I was never loved at home) She showed me cameroon and Ghana and Nigerian pepper put together. When it dawned on me that this gal already chose her path, I gradually withdraw from her shackles and till date(1yr+) we’ve not had any conversations no calls from her. I do see hee friend, she’ll try to wanna talk to me but I never gave her any chance to do that.
So in ur case, she chose her path, one thing that will wreck a man’s ego, mindet is when the one we truly love left for someone without a word or reasons. It’s unfortunate she had to end her life but it’s never on you. She never truly cared about you and she never give a hoot. The man(bcos you’re a student)she thought she could replace you with messed her up and was never half of the man you’re. Live your life, focus on school/work, be a better man so that the next girl/woman won’t have to suffer for what she did to you. I’ve moved on and still single cos I don’t want a repeat of what my Ex did. Wish you all the best. Stop worrying.
Hmm this issue. I really can relate but in my case, the person didn’t continue to the extent of ending her life but considered it. As it stands now, I don’t know whether to move on with my life or give her that attention. Deep within me, I feel, if I should move on with my life, things would get to this stage like in yours and I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. I feel trapped!
You never did anything wrong,besides she started giving so much attitude. she is also a ghost in your past and it should remain so. Besides you also have dignity and self respect.
Hmmm this life we live and how people treat those who genuinely love them. It hurt like something. But they quickly forget there is tomorrow. Bro the deed is already done. The eggs are broken. Move on and forget what people say, but please be good to the next woman that God will bless you with. All the best.
You did not put the poison to her lips, did you? If you did that then, it’s on you. You could have done same to yourself when she left you for another man. She made a choice to leave you, she has a child that should have made her make a choice to live. She can make a choice to leave you but you can’t make a choice that you don’t want her back? It is sad that she took her life, so sad, but you got your life to live and you choose how to live it. Sorry, but it’s not your fault.
Those people blaming you are mad, very mad
You did nothing wrong and besides you had an honest conversation with her about your forgiveness towards her.As to why she ended her life there’s more to it than you see it.Don’t blame yourself for anything focus on your books and how you can build your future.
your choice to reject her is 100% right. Don’t ever forget that she was still going to dump you anyway for the same man when her emotions stabilized.
she needed someone to make her feel happy so she could continue loving her husband. That is not your responsibility!
Rest well, Belinda.