Just two months into the relationship, she suggested that we should open a joint account. I didn’t get it. I wanted to know her reason behind it and she said, “I’m only thinking about the future of us together. I want to be your wife and if that’s the destination of this relationship, we shouldn’t have problems with owning things together.” I said, “It’s a good idea but hey, these are the early days. Let’s wait for a while.” 

She didn’t understand me. We argued about it for days. She had everything figured out. It looked like something she had planned for years. She said, “If we contribute 10% of our salaries into this account, by the time we are ready to marry in two years’ time, we’ll have enough money to support our wedding. I don’t see why you won’t support this idea.” To cut everything short, I said, “No problem. Give me some days to think about it.” She asked, “Or you don’t want us to marry?” I said, “I want us to be married. You’re a good person and I will love to be with you but…” 

“There’s no ‘but’ in love. If you truly love me as you say, you’ll do what I’m saying,” She said.

I’m twenty-five years old and I found a job not too long ago. At twenty-five, I haven’t thought about marriage the way she had. I want to marry but not in two years. I didn’t tell her about marriage when I was chasing her. I only said I love her and she accepted to be with me so I was a little bit surprised when after two months of being together, she would come at me with marriage. I decided to have an extensive conversation with her and see how that would go. 

One evening while we were out talking, she said, “Some insurance guys came to our office today. They talked about one package that they said was good for couples. Why don’t we try that one if you’re not so interested in the joint account?” I said in my head, “Why the obsession for couples investment at this young stage of our relationship? Where is she going with this speed?” She looked at me and slowly said, “I know you would argue with me but it’s a good thing.” I said, it’s a good thing but I’m not sure they said it’s for couples like us.” She said, “I asked and they said we can do it. So let’s do it and stop questioning everything.” 

I thought it was a good opportunity to have that conversation. I said, “I’m only 25 years. You’re 24. Look at it critically, considering the kind of work we are doing now, do you think we will be ready to marry in two years’ time?” She answered, “Yes we can if we really want to. My friend Belinda got married at twenty-four. Her husband was only three years older than you when they got married so why can’t we.” “And how long did they date before getting married?” I asked. She answered,  “It doesn’t matter. They got married, that’s the most important thing.” 

I took my time to explain my point of view to her. I said slowly, “I understand your need for us to start something together. It’s great. It can assure us a beautiful future and all but…” She screamed, ” There’s no ‘but’. Why do you always bring ‘but’ in a statement to destroy everything. Be optimistic for once. If it’s good then it’s good. No but!” I said, “You can’t talk about the good and ignore the bad. It’s a two-sided thing. There are always pros and cons. Let’s not ignore that. Our relationship is only a couple of months old. Why don’t we enjoy the relationship and allow things to happen naturally? Must we always bring the future into the present?  Allow us to enjoy this. We’ll plan as we go.”

She said, “Ok, I won’t talk about anything again. Let’s enjoy. I’m ready, let’s enjoy.” 

That didn’t come from a good place and it was obvious from her demeanor. I told her not to be angry but see it as it is. She didn’t smile. She left with this face that said, “I know what I will do.” 

From that day she changed a little. She didn’t call me as she used to. I was the only one doing the calling. In the evening, she’ll send me a lousy message saying she wants to sleep. She’ll say good night to me and still remain on WhatsApp. I didn’t complain. I thought she was angry and would come around soon. Three weeks later, she was still giving me attitude. I called and asked if everything was alright. She said, “Yeah everything is alright.” I said, “I’m not feeling you these days. It’s like you’re reserved. You don’t call until I call. Tell me if something is wrong.” She said, “You want us to enjoy bia? Yeah, this is me enjoying with you.”  I knew she wanted to bring that conversation again so I said, “It’s alright. I want you to be happy and I’m ready to do anything for you to be happy.” 

The investment discussion that day bruised the relationship in a way that I didn’t anticipate. She kept distancing herself while I was pushing to bring her back to normal again. Nothing I said or did made her happy. She was simply indifferent. I called her one day and told her, “If it’s the joint account that’s making you behave this way, then don’t worry. Let’s do it.” She asked, “Why have you changed your mind?” I said, “Just to make you happy.” She said, “It’s ok. I’ve understood. Let’s enjoy the relationship. We’ll plan as we move along.” 

We were five months into the relationship when she posted a guy on her status, wishing him a happy birthday. At the tail end of her caption, she said, “I’m glad you understand me and you are ready for the journey ahead. May God bless our future.” 

I called her; “So who’s that guy that you’re asking God to bless your future?” She said, “It doesn’t concern you. It’s his birthday and I’m celebrating him.” I said, “It’s my concern. You’re my girlfriend. I should be concerned when my girlfriend talks about the future under another person’s photo.” She said, “I’m your what? It seems you don’t see it when someone is out of love with you. Please, don’t say it anywhere that I’m your girlfriend. People will laugh at you.” “Ah, what do you mean?”  I asked. She answered, “I mean exactly what I said. I’ve left the relationship long ago. You want to enjoy bia? So I’ve left you to enjoy. I thought you’ll read the signs and advice yourself.”

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I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say or do; “Are you serious? If that’s a joke, stop it because it’s not funny.” She chuckled. She said, “Take it however you want it. I don’t care.” She hung up the call. I called her again, she didn’t pick. I called and called but she didn’t pick up the call. Later she sent a very long message. She said, “You’re not a guy a woman should date. You wanted to use me and later dump me. You want to enjoy kɛkɛ and leave. You think I’m a fool. You didn’t want a future with me. I found someone who wanted the same future as I am. That’s all.” 

My shock turned to laughter and then to shock again. “What sort of naivety is that?” I sent her a response calling her naive. I told her if that was her mind, then a lot of men will promise her the future, sleep with her and leave, knowing the future is all she wanted.” She said, “Any man who agrees to have a joint account with you won’t sleep with you and leave. It’s only a future inclined person who will understand this.” 

She blocked me after that and refused to pick my calls. I’m still shocked. I never for once thought she could go ahead and replace me while we were still together all because I didn’t open a joint account. 

Did I err in any way? Two months oooo. Just two months pɛ in a relationship with her, she wanted a joint account with me. How many men will agree to that knowing how slippery the future is and how uncertain a relationship can be? I’m not pained in any way that she had left me. I’m only shocked by the way she did it.

–Kisseh

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