My mother does not allow me to spend even five minutes at the church premises when service ends. When we close, you’d see me tagging behind her like a chick following a mother hen. Because of this, I don’t know much about what my boyfriend does after church. Regardless, I had seen enough of his closeness with Abena to be concerned. 

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We are planning to get married this year. The process has begun and our families are involved. However, not everyone in the church knows he is my boyfriend yet. So when I saw him getting too close to Abena, I complained. I felt if she didn’t know we were together then anything could happen between them.

Nonetheless, every time I complained this guy would tell me; “Babe, it’s not what you think. She is just a friend.” I didn’t think of him as a deceitful person so I believed him. 

I have two friends in the church that I talk to. Our friendship is usually limited to conversations about church and nothing more. One day one of the ladies called me for some church gossip. At some point, we started talking about people who were likely to get married in the church this year. While we were both listing the suspicious couples, the lady mentioned my boyfriend’s name. 

Before I could own up and say, “Yes, we are making plans to get married,” she also mentioned Abena’s name. When I went quiet she said, “Oh come on, don’t you know those two move like a couple?” She went on to talk about all the things they did that gave them away. “For instance, he drops her off every time we close from church. Every single time.” She didn’t believe me when I said I didn’t know.

We’ve been together since 2018. I thought I knew everything about him. Little did I know that he drops someone off after church regularly and does not tell me about it. Honestly, if he didn’t have anything to hide, then why did it never come up?

Shortly after that discovery, three other people casually mentioned in conversations that they suspected my boyfriend and Abena were dating. “Their closeness is too much for ordinary friendship,” one person said. 

All the times I confronted him he insisted, “Abena is nothing but a good friend to me. If I tell you what she has done for me, you will thank her on my behalf.” If I pushed him for more answers, he would either get angry or we would both end up angry. For the sake of peace, I decided not to talk about their relationship anymore.

Just last Sunday, my boyfriend and I went to visit my sister who recently had a baby. My mother was also present. We were all talking and cooing over the baby when my boyfriend received a call. I didn’t see the name of the caller but for some reason, I suspected that it was Abena. I didn’t hear what she said but his responses left me feeling raw. 

“Oh, I didn’t see your first call.”

“I am at a friend’s place.” 

“No, I am at Lapaz.”

No, we were not at Lapaz. Everything he said was a lie. He was so shameless that he didn’t mind lying to another woman in front of me, my mother, and my sister. I, on the other hand, was so ashamed that I wished I could bury my face in my palm and disappear right in front of everyone. I don’t even know if it was a good thing that my mum and sister didn’t say anything about the incident.

We went to his place that day from my sister’s place, and I ended up spending the night with him. While we were in bed, his phone kept ringing. He wouldn’t pick up but I knew Abena was the one on the other end of the calls. It was past midnight but she wouldn’t stop calling.

I didn’t talk. I acted as if I didn’t even know what was going on and slept. Then he left his phone in the bedroom and went to the bathroom. I seized the chance to go through his phone. It was the first time I was doing that. 

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The first message I saw was from her. It read; “The lady is at your place so you won’t pick up my calls, right? Don’t you dare call me again! It’s over between us, mark my words.” 

I confronted him when he finished taking his bath. And for the first time, he admitted that he dated her. “We broke up four months ago. She is just a friend now,” he assured me. The message I read didn’t suggest they were already exes. So everything he said to try and manipulate me into believing he finally came clean didn’t work. 

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Now my question is, is there hope for this marriage we are planning? What do you think I should do? A part of me wants to call everything off. He keeps telling me that the lady is also making arrangements to marry someone else so she won’t be a problem for us. If that’s the case then why is it hard for him to let her go?

I wish I could get an I.T. expert to help me monitor his phone so I get proper evidence that he is indeed dating her. If not, he will keep denying everything. Is there any I.T. expert here who can do this for me?  It’s even possible that he is dating other women outside the church. I need to fully understand what I am dealing with so I can make an informed choice. 

—Ma Afia

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