I am a twenty-two-year-old man who is currently not in a relationship. That’s because I want my peace of mind. I’m in my second year at the tertiary institution so I want to focus on my education. I feel like falling in love or having a relationship will distract me from my path. And I try to instil these values into a group of students who live in a hostel near my house.
Whenever I am on break from school, they get close to me and I advise them. They are secondary school students so I always tell them, “Stay away from men at this stage in your life. They will mess with your life and ruin your education. So focus on school.” They are twenty-three in number and I’m friendly with all of them.
There are times when I assist them with their mathematics assignment and sometimes too, science. Because of the way I relate to them and carry myself around, I can boldly say they really respect me. So in order not to loose their respect, I have decided not to get involved with any of them romantically. Although I have made my number available to them and they call me when they need assistance, I have drawn boundaries they don’t cross.
Sometimes they would come to me and ask, “Please can I use your phone to call my mother?” And some of them use it to call their friends. I don’t mind because I have been in their shoes before. There are others who bring phones to school so they don’t bother me with that. Among all of them, is one girl who communicates with me the most.
She would contact me even when I am in school. She would ask, “When are you coming home? I want to see you.” At first, I thought it was because she needed help with schoolwork and didn’t have anyone to talk to. But it got to a point where she started saying, “I miss you. I can’t wait to see you again.” Honestly, I thought it was weird but I didn’t make anything out of it.
Currently, school is on break so I am home. And ever since I came home she has been texting me relentlessly. I also text her back. However, she never had anything important to say. So one day I asked her, “You always text me but you don’t say anything. Why?” She responded, “It is because I am shy talking to you.” I wondered what she was shy about but I didn’t ask her anything. I took it as one of those things and moved on.
That weekend, she went home to visit her mum to help her sell at the market. I didn’t expect to hear from her because I thought she would be busy. However, she started texting me again. This time around, it was on a whole different level. The kind of things he sent to me are things someone sends to their boyfriend. I was very confused about her behaviour.
I was even more confused when she asked, “Do you like me?” I responded, “Yes, I like everybody.” She didn’t seem pleased with my answer so I also asked her, “Why? Do you like me?” And she said she liked me. But it wasn’t in the way I thought she meant. She was rather interested in me romantically.
She actually said she would want me to be her boyfriend. She said she is eighteen but I see her to be young. I wouldn’t want to distract her from her studies. I too wouldn’t want to be distracted from my school either. But I was so worried that I would hurt her feelings if I turned her down so I agreed to date her.
I’m Afraid She’s Still Seeing Her Ex-Husband | Silent Beads
Yesterday I had the chance to talk to her and she confessed that she loves me because I am hardworking. I am not even sure about how I feel about her. I am just concerned that our relationship is wrong. That’s why I am here. She is in SHS while I am in the university. She says she is an adult but I don’t know that for sure. I want to know if it’s appropriate to be with her. The last thing I want to do is take advantage of a confused teenager who is probably confusing a crush with love. Please what do I do?
—Theo
This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.
NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG
#SB
Hmm just go with the flow but don’t be distracted from your target. If she is 18 then don’t fret . Only time will tell. Lead her and direct her for all you may know you were brought into her way for a reason.
The important thing is that you are not romantically attracted to her. Don’t lead her on. Be firm and honest with her and tell her the truth. That is you can only offer her your friendship and support for now. It’s normal for teenagers to have crushes and I’m sure she’s not the only one who has a crush on you within the group.
There’s only one confused party in this scenario and that’s you. The girl knows exactly what she wants and going for it. You on the other hand, agreed to date her but not even sure of your feelings for her. Grow up man and decide what you want.
It is better you call of the relationship now and be free that to hurt her feelings and regret later. I mean if you call it off it is better than to let it grow and still not have feelings for her. You are just doing her a favor. She’s not matured trust me. High school girls don’t know what they want. Some will say it’s a lie but hey this relationship is not a good foundation And I tell you this won’t end up good for both.
Is this gentlemanliness a common denominator for those of us called Theo. Have been in a similar situation with boundaries for myself and had to face a similar puzzle. Bro, you ain’t ready for anything that will make you commit to a woman. Clearly, if you are obsessed with getting good grades just like I was when in the tetiary, this relationship will suffocate you. Girls like her demand a lot of attention, bro you don’t want that for yourself trust me.
Again, she would want to be the centre of attraction amongst the rest of the ladies and that will awaken jealousy and hatred amongst the girls. Bro, you don’t want to compromise to loose the respect these girls accord you with.
Now have an honest and euphemistic conversation with her. You can harness the feelings she has for you, and help her put it to good use. I told that SHS girls who was helplessly in love with me to endeavour to get good grades, that way she will have a better chance of having me as her boyfriend. Truly she did well in her exam and came back to tell me I was the reason she had to do all she could to get satisfactory grades, because I kept telling her I detest remedials after WASSCE in our usual conversations. Now she is about to be enrolled into the nursing training college and still confides in me because she feels safe with me. We still haven’t dated, but I’m having a lot of positive influence on her.
Bro, I beg you don’t try it. It will make your simple and beautiful and impactful life complicated.
Hope this helps
It’s normal for a lady at this stage to express her feelings, even my students in JHS do that. that’s hormonal development. Thank God she has met a good guy like you, her colleagues will be somewhere dating the bad guys and sugar daddies.
Bro, u got to guard her to achieve her dream.
She only needs attention and caring at this stage, give it to her but within your limits. Let her be saved in your arms rather, at the right time you can take your decision and she’ll appreciate that