They say life doesn’t give you more than you can handle but I am convinced that sometimes life gives too much to handle. Life has a way of testing you to the point that if you’re not careful, you will become a bad person. This is my story.

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I am deeply introverted. I am always indoors. I don’t have friends. I don’t smoke or drink. Neither am I a womanizer. In my heart, I know I am not a bad person. I have lived a simple and quiet life till now.

Honestly, I hoped the heavens would bless me with a wife who understands me and is on the same page as me when it comes to life and living. However, I have a wife whose life and mindset are completely different from mine.

Someone who is supposed to be my helper has become a problem for me. She is the reason I worry when I am planning for kids. I ask myself, “So if we have children and something happens to me right now, what will become of them?”

While women her age are building careers and even fighting with their husbands so they can better themselves, my wife does not care about her future. Nothing to do with personal growth concerns her.

She was working a corporate job when we were dating. Her job didn’t pay her much but I didn’t mind. She assured me she had tertiary education and that was okay with me. I figured that with a little push, she would gain access to better opportunities.

After the marriage ceremony, we couldn’t move in together. We lived in different regions because of work. That didn’t work for me. So I decided to find her a job close to where I live so she would move. That was when I found out that she didn’t have any serious certificate to work with.

I was disappointed but I felt it wasn’t too late to salvage the situation. “I will convince her to enrol in the university and get a degree. It should be easier to take it from there,” I planned.

I spoke to her and she resigned from her job. Then she joined me in my region. I established a small business for her to manage while I spoke to her about going back to school.

My wife told me point blank, “I don’t like school. And I don’t intend to ever go back to school. I want to do my own business.”

Shortly after that, I was promoted and transferred to another region. She still didn’t have a job so I took her with me. Over here, I have spent a lot of money investing in a business for her.

She was not serious about the business so it collapsed within a year. She does nothing during weekends but she wouldn’t go to the shop. The same thing goes for public holidays. She would sit at home and browse through social media from dawn to dusk.

Her behaviour is making life hard for me, considering I am the one shouldering all the responsibilities of the household. It has gotten to a point where I am tempted to stop giving her housekeeping money. I want to see what she will do if I stop providing her needs.

However, that would only make me look like a bad person. Apart from that, she is coming from a rich home. So even if I don’t give her money she won’t feel the sting of being broke. She will survive.

Maybe it’s because she knows she has a family to fall on that she is unconcerned about attaining financial independence. This is why I am a strong advocate for empowering the girl child. If families don’t teach their daughters the essence of making their own money, it’s the men they marry who suffer for it.

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How can one person provide for everything in a marriage considering the state of the country’s economy?

I am drowning in responsibilities. I’m giving her money for monthly upkeep, medical expenses, utility bills, and whatever we need as a family. I’m also taking care of my parents, siblings, some widows, and a number of needy people who fall on me in hard times.

I Was The Man In The Relationship And He Didn’t Like It

If I had a supportive wife, my burdens would be lighter. But with the kind of woman I married, I am doing it all alone. I wish I could speak to her family about my struggles but I don’t think they will take it well. They might even say I am complaining about her because I have money and she doesn’t.

How do I handle this situation? How do I get my wife to support me?

—Derek

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