Two years ago, I shared my story here. I was coming out of a relationship with a girl who tried her best to make me unhappy. She snatched my phone off my ears and threw it down in a trotro and caused a scene because I was talking to someone on the phone while she was with me. She hit my lips with her purse. She embarrassed me in front of my friends when I took her to a friend’s wedding. It was an abusive relationship but while I was in, I tried all I could not to call it abusive. I gave her many chances to hurt me until one day, I finally broke free.

When I said she was the kind of girl I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, I meant it. I will love to see my enemies walk through the valley of death than date my ex. Walking through Valley of Death is better, trust me.

When I shared my story, the comments were unanimously on my side. They called the relationship as it was supposed to be called; toxic. They praised my resilience. They congratulated me for not retaliating even when it got physical. The comments were many but I took the pain to go through all of them. I learned a lot. I learned something new and something I should have known years ago.

One lady commented, “Wanty-wanty no get and Geti-geti no want. How can you get a good man and treat him like that? Ntim, come for me and I’ll treat you well.”

The reactions to the comment were mostly laughter but I decided to go beyond the joke and see what was there. I checked her profile out and went through all her photos. She was gorgeous. The kind of girl you’ll proudly show to your friends and say, “That’s my babe. How do you check her?” I said hi and got a response three days later. Even that, I had to comment under her comment on Silent Bead to check her inbox before she did.

She couldn’t believe I was the one. She asked me to prove I was the one who sent the story so I took a screenshot of the original story and sent it to her. Her first reaction was a laughing emoji and then she said, “How can a fine gentleman like you allow yourself to be taken through the cleaners like that?” I answered, “That’s the way of love. It turns kings into slaves and soldiers into toy soldiers. It burns sometimes but what can we do? Prevent ourselves from falling in love?”

We spent a few days in her inbox before she gave her contact to me. The only question on my lips was, “Did you mean it when you said I should come for you?” Her answer was, “It was just a joke but now that you’re here, let’s see how it goes.”

We were friends for a while until she said yes to my proposal. We were kilometres apart when she said yes to me. We hadn’t seen each other physically. The closet we’d been was through video calls. The day she said yes, I told her, “See you on Friday night.” She asked where and I told her, “I’m coming over to see you. I can’t get a yes and put it in my pocket. I have to utilize it so get ready for me.”

Four-hour journey looked like something that happened in a minute. When love is involved, time loses its meaning. Depending on which side you find yourself, time could be slow or faster. I was going to meet the woman I love for the first time. I was anxious. Eager. I lost myself in my own thoughts throughout the journey until I got to the destination and said to myself, “This is it. We go again. We don’t back down until we get our reward from love.”

She had a beautiful place for a nurse who had just started working. One thing I realized immediately after I stepped into her space was her shyness. She couldn’t look at me in the eye. She wanted to disappear. She wasn’t sure what was happening. I said, “You’re beautiful in person.” She responded, “You look taller than I imagined.” I asked her, “So will you change your mind?” She smiled shyly. She said, “Be serious.”

She took me around town to show me where the heart and soul of the town are. She cooked magic. I ate to my full. We spent three days and two nights together. I know you’re itching to read “And one thing led to another and we had shuperu.” Yes, one thing led to another but it didn’t lead us to have sex. One thing led me to ask about her interest. And one thing led her to ask why I would make such a long journey to see her. “What if I stood you up?” She asked. A lot of things led to nothing until the birds chirped to introduce us to another beautiful day together.

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The longest journey was always going to be the journey back home. It felt like forever. I was missing something and I knew I wouldn’t find it where I was going and it made the journey look like escaping from a winding maze that brings you back to where you started.

When she had her off days, she also made the four-hour journey to see where I lived. I trusted her more that day. For a woman to abandon her fears and make such a trip meant there was some truth to her feelings about me. When I took her in we hugged. That evening, one thing led to another and by the time we realized, we were watching a movie.

She fell asleep while watching. I took her in and it happened. Nothing led to that. It just happened. The connection was good. The chemistry was intense. I felt like a plug connected to the main switch. We were two light bulbs but we shone only inside of each other.

A year came to pass us by quickly without knowing. Love makes time meaningless, I’ve said that already. A year without a fight. A year without a drama. When we fought, we fought about calls that didn’t come when it was supposed to come. We fought about a text message that wasn’t answered when it was supposed to be answered. I compared her to my ex. All the wrong things that happened to us happened in a year. The purse incident. The trotro incident and a lot more I didn’t write in my story.

When my mom first met her, she said, “You’ve brought another one again, Ntim. I can’t separate fight ooo. I’m too old for that.” For some funny reason, my mom believed my ex and thought I was the problem. By their third meeting, my mom concluded, “This one is different. If you know good things, you’ll keep her.

She started complaining about her nursing job and the peanut she received as a salary. “I’m making plans to leave the country. I heard it’s better out there. We’ll all go and experience it for ourselves,” she said

The exams and everything involved were very expensive but I didn’t discourage her. She was willing and able so I had to support her. People write the exams twice or thrice before they get it but she did it once and she passed. From that point, we knew her individual dream was becoming a reality so we had to make a push for our collective dreams. We didn’t have a lot of money left but I went for the dowry list.

It was moderate. We didn’t intend to have a grand wedding. We did the traditional one and later went to court to sign. A little over a month later, we were both at the airport saying bye-bye and shedding tears. We couldn’t let go but when it was time to go, we couldn’t do anything but let go.

Our lives together have always been over the distance. By this time, you might think we’ve grown used to loving each other from a distance or we’ve become masters of a distance relationship. Hell no. Our love was birthed from a distance but we found a way to bridge the gap only to widen it again. When it comes to love, there’s no place that far. And thanks to technology, we stay closer though worlds apart.

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The dream is to move there and stay with her before the dawn of 2025. We are at it. It’s taking shape and soon that will be our reality. When it happens, we’ll brag that there’s nothing we put our hearts into that we didn’t achieve.

From abuse to this? Boy, I’ve come far and it makes me appreciate the role of my ex in my love journey.

She was there so this could happen. She gave me a story to tell and out of that bitter story, a new beautiful story was birthed. She’s doing well without me, my ex. I guess we were both just not meant for each other and it’s OK. From swollen lips, my love story swelled to this moment. I can only be grateful.

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—Ntim 

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