We were all here in Ghana striving to make something out of our lives. I had dreams of traveling and so did my girlfriend. Our plan was simple: whoever got the opportunity to leave the shores of Ghana first, would come for the other person. When two people are in love, it’s easy for them to agree with each other. I believe that’s why marriage happens easily between couples who are crazy about each other.
Anyway, I was the one who got the chance to leave first. To make it possible for me to come for her, we signed some marriage documents. We did not actually get married. We signed the papers to make it look like we were legally married. That way, I would just have to gather money for a plane ticket and then let her join me.
I went in as a student so I didn’t have enough time on my hands to work much. It took a while before I saved up enough money to file for her. It wasn’t menial jobs I did to raise that money. I worked really hard to make it happen. However, she was refused her visa. The disappointment we both experienced cannot be expressed in words.
Now the problem is, I am no longer a student. The privileges that were bestowed on me as a student no longer exist. I am no longer secure to even live here or work here. I have been working to make money so I can get my papers in order. It is after I find my feet here that I would attempt to bring her here again.
One thing we agreed on when we were making plans was to officially get married after she had joined me. However, everything has been delayed. I love this woman so much that I don’t want to leave her hanging while I work to get my affairs together.
So recently I proposed, “Babe, I don’t want to delay things between us anymore. I cannot wait until all these documents brouhaha before we get married. So why don’t I come home for us to perform the marriage rites? We will do everything this year if you give me the go-ahead.” After everything we’ve been through, I expected us to be on the same page when it comes to this. However, she flatly turned me down.
To my utter surprise, my girlfriend told me; “There’s no way I will be in Ghana here and agree to a marriage between us while you live abroad. When we get married, we should be in the same country.” I explained, “Babe, I’m not going to leave you here to be my wife only when I am in Ghana for a visit. If that’s what’s bothering you, then you have nothing to fear. I will come for you as soon as I work hard enough to get the proper documentation to do so.” She heard everything I had to say but still stood her ground.
I don’t know what to do right now. My woman and I easily agreed on things but now things have become complicated. We can’t even say a few words to each other before it turns into a fight.
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I understand that we are both unhappy with the way things turned out but why can’t she agree to us getting married this year? These days she doesn’t even listen to anything I have to say about our relationship or marriage. Her interest is just traveling.
Every time we talk she would ask, “What preparations are you making for me to come and join you there? You know life will be easier for you when I come, so it’s for your own good as well as mine.” Every time, I tell her I am working to secure myself first, and then I would work on hers. I say this to her yet she repeatedly asks me about my plans to invite her over to join me. It feels like she has closed her ears to me on purpose.
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When I raise the topic of our marriage, she just tells me, “I already told you that I can’t do it. I won’t be in a long-distance marriage.” At this point, I am convinced there’s nothing I can do to change her mind. I can only make her happy if I make it possible for her to travel and live abroad with me.
I don’t know how to win this. I love this woman so much that the thought of us breaking up is hurting my heart. She is the woman I want to marry. How do I win this confusion without losing her?
—Nick
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I’m afraid you have to reassess the relationship. This obsession to travel even when you have explained the difficulties and offered to marry her is suspicious! She has fallen out of love with you and she’s only using you as a springboard to get over there. then she’ll show you her true colors.
You have said it all.
Please I will marry you
Errrh Serwaa, how many men are you available to to marry. Every having challenges with their woman, you are available. Why?
My brother, your story is not adding up for me also, according to you, you’re no longer a student and don’t have papers and you’re not secured, so how easy is it for you to come home to marry her and go back again that easily. Putting myself in your lady’s shoes I’d think you’re not been entirely truthful, hence the conditions and arguments
I reason with your girlfriend . Maybe per wat she has seen through people marrying their partners and handcuffing them here for 5 to 10 and over is what she fears. She’s a woman and you are a man . I don’t know what age she is now tho? Besides, your papers are not even ready . Till when it will be ready for her to join you, only God knows. But you can come down and marry her and go back? And she can’t join u or visit? Maybe she doesn’t have a dream of long distance marriage. She want to enjoy her marriage, husband and her youth 🤷🏻♀️
Please I agree with your girlfriend. Living in the abroad and seeing the challenges associated with papers and all, bringing her along may compound your already existing situation. Plus, this let’s get married and then lemme gather papers and come and bring you no, if it was you, would you agree? If you love her as you say, move to Ghana and be with her, or let her be. It takes years for these things to settle. Please maybe it’s time to reassess what is going on and everyone should make a move that would help them.
There is another side to this story than the writer understands. It sounds to me like the lady is no longer interested in marrying you but wants to travel, so the sudden attitude. If a woman loves you but disagrees, there is a way they will make an effort to let you understand why they do.
To me, do this. Tell her that now that you don’t have the papers to bring her abroad instantly, you want to relocate to Ghana so both of you can get married and stay there until you’re able to make another plan for both of you to travel.
You will get your answers from there. You will get the clue if she is now obsessed about living abroad.
My only problem is that you won’t read this or even think this is logical because you love this woman too much.
Loving too much is your number 1 problem to address.
I wanted to let you know that I married while abroad, but I had to let many women go because they were desperate to leave Ghana. I used the trick above and realized my current wife didn’t even think about living abroad like that. It calmed my nerves when deciding to marry her. Today, I find peace in marrying a woman who respects me well.