Two weeks after I met Adjoa on Facebook in May of this year, I made an investment. One that completely left me low on cash. I know that in relationships, women expect financial support from their partners. So when we began dating, I decided not to hide the state of my finances from her. I showed her my pay slip even, so she would see the deductions and my take home.
I explained to her, “Due to these investments, I rely on my dad when things become difficult for me sometimes. This means I can’t be there for you financially as you may expect.” Of course, I added that things would be different after the investment paid off. She said she understood.
Every month I sent her the progress of the investment. It was all to show her that we were in this together. May passed peacefully. In June, our love had grown more beautifully. I had no regrets about being with her. July was another uneventful month. The love was sweet, I was sure. Then flew in August in a gust of wind. The kind that shook up the relationship.
It started with a text message she sent to me. The message read; “Good evening. Please no hard feelings but I need to get this off my chest. I’m not asking for your money but at least when you receive your salary, you can’t even say, ‘Adjoa my salary has come o, take this ten pesewas?’ I promise I would have sent the money back to you because I know your salary doesn’t last you for a month. It’s the little things that matter most in relationships.” I was surprised to see such a message.
I responded, “I understand where you’re coming from but let’s not be entitled here. I have already explained my financial situation to you.” Adjoa got offended because I used the word “entitled”. For the sake of peace, I apologized and we moved on.
Honestly, my finances were so bad that I was even in debt. Her message made me feel embarrassed. I knew she was preparing to start work in November or December. She was running around getting some things together. This meant money. Money I didn’t have.
In the second week of August, Adjoa called me sounding determined. Just as I feared, she was having money trouble. “Akwesi, I’ve been going around asking people for money. I am even tired. Meanwhile, I am here saying I have a boyfriend. Boyfriend papa b3n?” After saying I wasn’t a proper boyfriend, she added that her ex-boyfriend also had financial difficulties but he went out of his way to show her generosity.
I was quiet as she ranted about how I was a little generous when we first began. “Were you only doing that to win me over?” She concluded by asking, “Or are you intentionally being stingy to me as punishment for something your ex did to you?” I felt deflated. My pride as a man shattered like a porcelain doll.
I tried to speak but no word found its way to my tongue. “Why are you quiet?” She almost screeched. My embarrassment did not permit me to answer her. “Everything I said is true, right?“ she sounded upset. “Sorry I said anything,” she hung up.
When I gathered myself I sent her a text message, “It’s unfortunate that I can’t assist you because of my current situation. I apologize for that. I have also decided that it’s best I take time off our relationship and work on my finances before I attempt a stable relationship.” After the message, I went quiet on her and did my best to keep a distance.
I was using our time apart to focus on how to figure out my next move so I would get my finances back on track. That too became a problem. She mistook my silence for anger.
According to her, I drag issues like a girl.
“You used me for marathon sex…”
“Don’t try this on a woman again…”
“… using your finances as an excuse to ghost me…”
“You had your hidden agenda when you promised to me…”
“You came in promising me heaven on earth…”
These are among a string of heartbreaking messages she sent to me.
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I didn’t respond. I remained quiet and distant. Her actions hurt me but I swallowed my pain and came to social media to read stories and laugh to take my mind off things.
In the days that followed, she asked me to bring her some stuff she left at my place. The request informed me that the relationship was over. Thus, it did not come as a shock to me that when she blocked me somewhere around 25th August.
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They say in every dark cloud there is a silver lining. My good news happened the day after she blocked me. My boss called that he was coming to Ghana to work on a project. And he requested my assistance. Also, he increased my salary. Now I don’t get flat broke after deductions have been made from my salary.
Adjoa, I know you’re here and will read this. You got it all wrong. I am not stingy. I was just struggling, all because I chose to sacrifice my comfort today to secure my future. You could have communicated your concerns to me without embarrassing me in the process. That’s all I was trying to tell you but you didn’t want to listen. Anyway, you blocked me and deleted my number already so that’s fine. You are the reason I am determined that I, Akwesi, will never be broke again.
—Akwesi
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Bro give it a rest. You actually didn’t try. You wanted the advantages of a boyfriend, but none of the responsibilities. When she communicated her concerns to you in a polite way, you called her entitled. But she wasn’t entitled when you were having sex with her, no she only became entitled when she tried to communicate her needs. And then you broke up with her when she complained. Your attitude is not good, if you knew that your finances couldn’t support a girlfriend then you shouldn’t have proposed to her. It’s not entitlement for your girlfriend to expect modest financial support from her boyfriend especially when she’s performing girlfriend duties. Do you know how much you would have paid a hookup girl for that marathon sex?Stop acting like an entitled victim. Adjoa was not being unreasonable
This is dumb to the core.
As a girlfriend, she’s not obligated to act as a wife, also, as a boyfriend, he’s not obligated to act as an husband at all.
Financial obligations?!
Should the need arise, each party, I mean the boyfriend and girlfriend, is neither obligated nor mandated to fulfil that, to each other.
Rather, financial help should be voluntary and volitional, until each is pronounced husband and wife respectively.
The lady was rightly accused of being entitled. She should have sought her funds elsewhere, since her boyfriend doesn’t have any amount to spare momentarily.
Did you say he used her for marathon sex?!
A sex they very likely both enjoyed?!
The puerility of your submission is stunning!
I am appalled by Reg. You are comparing a love relationship to hookup?
Akwesi, it seems like you are pining for a girl who put money first in the relationship. Please, you acted right all along. Let her go, this is a goodtimes girl. She doesn’t want hardship.
Papa, your finances no good but you dey nack.
When your not ready for something please do not start at all. Lesson learned.there is no free lunch anywhere.
Nah NAB, you seem to have missed the drift of my comment. It appears that Emmanuel got more of what I was trying to say. Akwesi was calling her entitled because she sent sent him a polite message about her feelings and needs. A love relationship actually entitles you to several things including emotional, sexual and financial support. That Akwesi couldn’t provide for Adjoa financially was not a crime, but the way that he handled her complaint was very wrong. I only brought up the hookup analogy to remind him that the person that he was calling entitled was providing him with services that he would otherwise pay a lot for. Or to put it in a simpler way, the same thing that entitled him to having free sex with her, was the same thing that entitled her to reasonably expect financial support from him (the fact that they were in a romantic relationship). I was cheesed off that he was ready to enjoy the benefits of a romantic relationship with her, but started insulting her when she pointed out some of the benefits that’s she expected to enjoy (not necessarily substantial financial support, but the feeling that she was loved and that he was willing to take care of her even if he wasn’t financially buoyant). The man that cannot give you 10GHC when he has 200GHC would not take care of you even if he were a millionaire. BTW Akwesi, you did use the excuse of taking care of your finances to ghost her. The more mature response would have been to reassure her of your love and reiterate your financial condition. You could also have let her know how her statements made you feel, paving the way for healing and mutual understanding. Instead you chose the path of ghosting and gaslighting. You owe her an apology. She wasn’t a bad person. Also perhaps she too owes you an apology, but your sin was bigger
This is a good one, and I agree with you too to an extent. The analogy makes sense.
May my mission in life, not be to take care of / SLAVE for someone, especially an adult, who is capable of working, earning and fulfilling her needs by herself.
Some say men are built to take care of a woman.
You can swallow that hogwash. I am built to take care of myself, my offsprings, my parents,my siblings.
If a woman takes care of me, it would be reciprocated.
Buhh expecting the care to always come from me alone while living the mirage of babygirl life, all in the name of “a man is meant to take care of a woman” won’t ever work!
Of course he’s right to leave and ghost her.
Anything or anyone that diminishes one’s self worth, or gives unhealthy vibes, deserves to be boycotted.
And, he owes her no explanation. No apology!
He who finds and is dating a girl in Africa(especially in Ghana, Nigeria and SA) has successfully adopted and ORPHAN. As a man, whatever you do or give to your gf is a plus and should never be taken for granted or have such stupid and crazy entitlement. I don’t understand how our Africa girls think and reason. Bcos we r fvking I should assume the responsibilities of your father or I should be the sole provider of your bacis needs. If you say can I fvck my mother, can you fvck your father for your needs? I read comments from 2 folks here and all I did was shake my head. That guy is not a broke guy, the girl is the broke one here who wants a man that’ll and can afford her lifestyle. The type she can’t give herself. She should go get a job and also stop rolling or trying to be with a man that’ll give it all to her on a platter of gold. If she wants a good life, get a job too.