When I met Kofi, I wasn’t in a good place. I was mourning the end of a relationship. He was good to me. He was wonderful, smart, funny, and easy to talk to. We could stay up all night chatting. He understood me effortlessly. Everything with him felt smooth. I fell in love with him faster than a sportscar on a highway.
When I realized I liked him, I worried he might be a rebound. But I decided to give him a chance anyway.
Being with him was nice. I had a good job, a car, and a nice apartment in town. He also had a good job. We were both financially stable, so money was never an issue between us. Neither of us relied on the other for financial support. If he was at my end and something needed to be paid for, I took care of it. If we went out, he paid for what we ate.
He lived on the outskirts of town, while I lived in the city, so he spent most of his time at my place. I knew his place but barely visited. Even though he was mostly at my end, I never asked him to contribute to rent, groceries, or any bills. I handled everything as though he wasn’t there.
Two years into the relationship, I felt it was time for him to meet my parents. When I took him home, it went well. We had a nice family dinner. When we finished, I was in the kitchen with my mum while he stayed behind to chat with my dad. I could hear the rise and fall of their voices, but I couldn’t make out the words. Regardless, I thought it was a good thing they were talking.
After we left, my dad called me during the week and asked me to see him. When I went over, he was blunt. He said, “If you continue seeing this man and marry him, you will not be happy. You’re going to have a terrible future. I will advise you to break up with him.” I was shocked.
My dad is a quiet man who rarely speaks out like that, so hearing him say such things about Kofi surprised me. I asked him why, and he said, “I am your father. I know what I’m saying.” I left feeling depressed and confused.
I spent a lot of time reflecting on the relationship after that conversation. It took a while, but certain things started dawning on me. Kofi spent five days out of the week at my place, yet he didn’t contribute to any bills. He didn’t cook or clean, and he never offered to do anything like buy gas for the house. He’d use my car and return it without fueling it. It was all about what he could take from me.
These things never crossed my mind before because I was so in love with him. Also, I was so comfortable with how much I earned that it didn’t occur to me to ask him to pay for something. However, I started noticing the red flags after my dad’s advice. Kofi wasn’t responsible.
Around the same time, I checked his phone and found messages where he was flirting with other women. I didn’t see evidence of full-blown relationships, but the flirtations were enough. I confronted him and said, “I can’t keep doing all these things for you while you’re out there flirting with other women. Go be with them.” Then I broke up with him.
That breakup was one of the worst of my life. That was when I saw how horrible of a person he was. He went around spreading nasty rumors about me to my friends. He said I was sleeping my way to the top at work and that’s why he left me. I didn’t retaliate. I stayed quiet and moved on with my life.
A year and a half later, a friend called to tell me she had some gist. It was about Kofi. “He was arrested for embezzling almost $15,000 from his workplace,” she said, “he told the police he spent the money with his girlfriend, so they arrested her too.” I felt sad for the girl at once. Knowing Kofi, I knew he didn’t give her anything. He only mentioned her name to shift some of the blame onto her so she’d help pay some of the money.
Anyway, I don’t know how the story ended with him. I only found out he used the money to fuel a gambling addiction. I kept telling myself that I could have been in his girlfriend’s shoes if I hadn’t listened to my father. I could have been arrested and forced to pay money I didn’t steal all because I was in a relationship with the wrong man.
How a Long-Distance Relationship Unveiled His Double Life
I know it can be hard when you take someone home, and your parents disapprove. Sometimes they’re wrong, but not always. They’ve lived longer than us. They notice things we might not see.
I’m sharing this because of the young man who said his father ruined his love life by rejecting the woman he brought home. Maybe his father saw something he didn’t.
Now that his daddy is dead, he should let go of the past and pay the final respects a son should pay his father. In the end, things have a way of working themselves out.
— Naa
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You have said it all. Every misfortune is a blessing in disguise.
Happy that you listened to your father early. Sometimes as young people we enter into relationships out of sentimentality and overlook all the red flags. The progress of an adult depends on who you marry and do life with. Never try to be in a relationship where you are acting as superhero always (one direction).